Help me with my 6 year old!

[cupcake78]

Everything is a battle at the moment. Getting dressed, having a bath, eating food. It just seems like everything! He screams, has major tantrums, throws his toys.

He spits, he's rude, he answers back he is actually generally appalling.

He spends all his day either rolling round the floor, jumping up and down on the furniture. He then falls down, hurts himself or someone else, accidentally hits his sister (4 mths).

I take toys off him he's not bothered. He has to earn them back. He has 5 big toys taken off him now and he doesn't care. We do the naughty step, he's not bothered, we can't take away screen time as he doesn't have any anyway. Today we have said were now not going out for the day as promised, he was bothered for all of a minute he's now back to his normal self. I've tried ignoring him and his behaviour just escalates till we have to do something.

His dad and I play with him as he demands our attention constantly.

He is brilliant for everyone else! Polite, well behaved, nice at school.

I really don't know what to do with him anymore. Please help!

His dad is a soft touch but he is actually now starting to intervene (thank god!)

We now have to spend the day in the house because of ds. He is affecting everyone

My 6yo can wear me out too. He seems to be getting more defiant at the moment!

I've sat him down and written lists of rights and privileges. E.g. You we the right to healthy food, baths, sports, bedtime stories, imaginative play time, books, park time. Privileges are specific games, 1:1time with a parent, sweets/food treats, play dates, restaurants etc etc. when he's being awful we have a reward chart, but usually a solid reminder works ok. After we've agreed his entitlements vs privileges, we discuss what behaviour I am entitled to expect from him, and what he can expect from me. E.g. Simple chores, respond when i speak to you, stop when I ask you to. In return I will listen and consider it when you ask for something, I will give you warnings before saying stop etc.

Another strategy has been given him more control over his life - letting him make mroe chocies and show his independent/growing up e.g. Every action leads to the next step - eat nicely, choose pudding. Put plates in the sink, choose bath or shower, get out when asked, choose stories or game etc etc.

Good luck, just ideas obv as I'm sure you are doing loads already.

Hey you've got my ds give him back lol sounds like my ds he's golden boy gone bad some of the suggestions fukkingup sound good. The reward chart is working for me at the moment. Just keep reminding yourself it's just a phase. Good luck

Do you praise him when he is well behaved? Tell him in specific terms exactly what he is doing well?
Ie: Well done John, I really love it when you are playing nicely with your toys..
Or Thank you for sitting up to the table when I asked you, that makes me really happy

Sometimes we get so caught up in the "stop doing that, if you do that again" stuff iyswim?

Overexagerating the praise for every tiny thing they do well and ignoring the bad behaviour can have a very positive effect. Ignoring on its own not so much.

Other poster's suggestions sound very sensible. I also saw that you have a 4 month old - has the challenging behaviour come along with the new baby?

Yes I praise him for good behaviour. I'm very much a believer in praise the good stuff and correct the bad!

The new baby hasn't helped the issue. He loves her very much but I would be daft to think it hasn't had an effect. Of course it has, he's gone from have us to himself to us having a baby to look after. He's been through a lot of change recently.

I had a chat with him yesterday and asked him why he's doing it because I didn't understand. He said he doesn't know. I've promised him more 1:1 time if he behaves but explained that bad behaviour will not get him attention it will only get him into trouble. He seems to have taken it on board, for all of 5 minutes

Its so difficult when dh works 12+ hours a day and dd still has colic, won't go to sleep at a set time yet (she is getting better) so evenings are hard work for everyone. How I'm going to find the time for 1:1 time when there is only me till bedtime I haven't worked out yet