Baby No 3? help me decide please

[LyraBelaqua]

Just after a bit of advice please as I am driving myself F#c*ing mad!! Basically I cannot decide whether to try for baby number 3. I have 1 DD and a DS aged 4 and 2 and for ages I have been wrestling with this feeling that my family is not quite finished yet. I thought I'd have my DS and feel that that was it, I'd done my child birthing. But oh no not me. Sometimes I have this desperate need for another baby, so much so that I removed my own coil a couple of months ago with the hope of showing my DH how serious I am (and to try and persuade him to just go with the flow). But sometimes I couldn't think of anything I would want less, as I am not the most natural mother and can get a bit overwrought. DH isn't keen because he says I keep changing my mind and he is thinking of all the practicalities etc etc. And he's right I'm so indecisive and confused. I'm 34 by the way.

Has anyone else been in this situation? And how did you resolve it? Did you just sit it out and the feelings went away? Or did you have another, and is it all you hoped for?

Advice much appreciated thanks.

yes i was like that going from 1 to 2 and so i gave myself time limits. I'd say right, if you're not sure then wait 3 months and see how you feel.
at some point in time, i stopped doubting it. I KNEW 100% that I wanted another baby. and that's when we started trying for ds2.

with the third i knew straight awway. the moment I had ds2 I said "i want to do this again" pmsl

Haha have you stopped at three? Time limits good idea thanks.

no, we're expecting number 4 in april! lol

Look at yourself 10 years in the future, will you regret only having 2 or delighted to have 3?

I have 5 btw, I couldn't cope with having anymore but was desperate to have 4, I knew I wouldn't be happy with only 3 :)

Oops add 1 to the last two numbers

1 added kikibee :)

Well, don't do what we did, I.e. Don't make a decision then have a contraceptive ooopsie over ten years later. We have 3...now, and I wouldn't change a thing, except perhaps, maybe a number 4.

We spent two years umm-ing and ah-ing whether to go for number 3 or not.

3 felt so indulgent, there doesn't feel such an even balance of pros and cons as there is going from 1 to 2. There just feels a lot of disadvantages, more cost, time, outnumbered, as well as cost of hotel rooms, holidays, cars etc. And not many advantages, versus sticking at 2.

However, what swung it for us was that we couldn't say never and i got fed up with the not knowing! However, I couldn't imagine not having another and DH was happy with 2 or 3. Needless to say, ds3 is now 8 weeks old today, lying next to me right now, gorgeous and amazing. He has fitted right in. Of course, things are easier when they're babies and yes, I'm dreading the amount of arguments as they get older. But it's lovely having a little brood and as soon as he was born, I had that "I'm complete" feeling I've never had before. I feel truly lucky and feel done.

Hello! I was 100% sure I only wanted 2, even got an appt to be sterilized when 2nd one was 1 but didn't go through with it. But about 6 months ago I got unbearably broody, and now I'm 7 weeks pregnant with #3, very happy but still wondering whether it's a good idea or not!

well would you believe it, I've persuaded DH to give it a go where as previously he was against it and now I'm terrified. DS has been a total toad all day and days like this really throw me!! Will I ever be certain about this?

I feel exactly the same lyra - some days all i want is to be preg with no3 - but i have terrible SPD in pregnancies and the first 18monts is so hard with lack of sleep I cant bear the thought of doing that again...

if I could wake up with dc3 being 18 months old tomorrow then I would do it.... but dont know if i can cope going through the baby stage again and am so sick of the uncertantity !!!! glad its not just me :)

I would say it's all down to finances. If you can afford it, go for it. I would never have more than 2 but that's only because, even though we're on good salaries, I'm always insecure about money. If you feel you can have a decent quality of life with 3, it sounds like it would be fine.

I have always wanted 3 but have 2, they are 9 and 6 now. We have been going through the debate of whether to have a third since my youngest was 2!! Still haven't come to any conclusion!!! My husband just says do what I want. The only thing stopping me is the worry about finances/work.

Now I feel like the age gap is getting too big and I am getting too old!!

Kit I have a friend with 4 dc's, the oldest being 18 and the youngest 4yo. They all get on swimmingly. So don't let age gaps be your deciding factor! I have 2 dc's and dd2 was 1yo today! I would really love 3 dc but have days where I feel like I can't manage 2 and get exhausted and snappy and shouty on occasion, which I feel dreadful for afterwards. I have had to apologise to ds1 on a number of occasions for getting stressed and cross. So I worry that I'm not a good enough or natural enough mummy to cope with a third. The last thing I want to do is spoil my children's childhoods - I accept that is probably a touch overdramatic. But if I have a third I want it to be beneficial for ds1 and dd2, not worse because Mummy is more stressed and cross. How have those of you with 3 found it? I wonder are you all super-mummies who are wonderfully laid-back and calm, or have any of you felt similar?

Sorry OP, I've been completely unhelpful to you, but all the best for lo no. 3!