No to playing

[gscrym]

The little girl next door keeps coming to the door with her friend to see if DS can come out to play. She's 7 and DS will be 4 in August.

I keep saying no as I think she's too old. They aren't playing in an enclosed garden and there's 2 really busy roads at the end of our street. She has a little sister that DS sees at nursery and I've had her to play in the garden which was fine. The older one showed up and her and her sister started shoving DS off his toys. He came up to me saying he had asked the little one (age 3) to get of the swing but she wouldn't. When I sorted out a compromise for them all, the older on got on the swing. It's too small for her so it almost fell over. They wouldn't let DS in his playhouse either.

I don't mind him playing with the little one but the older one's a little madam. She walloped him in the face with a swingball bat and stood there angelically saying 'he got in the way'.

She gives me daggers when I say he's not coming out. He chats to her when we're there but I'd rather he wasn't playing away from the house. Am I right in what I'm doing?

Also, I don't know the parents of her or her friend. Just say hello to the neighbours in the passing.

If you aren't happy wth your ds going out with them then of course you are right. I can totally understand the age difference thing (I see it with ds when we are with dp's nephews/nieces - they are older and when the 'rough house' he usually gets hurt).

I wouldn't let my 4 year-old play away where I couldn't keep an eye on them.

He plays with older children intheir gardens with us or other parents there. The last time I had the other 2 in my garden, the mother shouted over the fence 'I'm just nippin gto the shops, back soon' and she was off before I got a chance to argue. When I told them they would have to go home, the older one said 'but my daddy's sleeping, we'll just stay here.'

She really is a little madam. I've caught her chucking weeds into my garden. When I spoke to her about it. she told me that my garden was messy anyway. The parents just smile when she does things like that.

Don't do it...stand firm.

Thanks for the support, it was getting to the point where we were going for little runs in the car. Last nights excuse was 'DS needs new slippers'. DS said he didn't want new slippers, he wanted to stay home.

She rang the doorbell 10 times one night. We kept telling her DS was at his tea. Even DS was shouting 'I can't come out, I'm eating my sausages then having a bath'. DH told her to stop ringing the door, then turned the bell off.

You are absolutely right - I would be the same and would not let my play where I couldn't see him at that age especially if he was going to be with someone who was likely to hurt him.
Agree with Blackduck - stand firm

Oh god - sounds horrendous - think you have to make the point regardless of the reacion. Sounds like she is bored, but that's not your problem..

Poor you! Stand firm! We once lived next door to a family with 4 children with no garden fence between us and sometimes we would get the feeling we were being watched, then look up to find them standing in the kitchen just staring at us. Not the worst kids in the world but the 6-year-old was caught smoking. Dd1 was only 3 at the time and either she played out with them or we all stayed in and skulked. We didn't live there too long thank goodness!

um, can't you just say to her that ds isn't coming out to play because he doesn't want to and she should stop calling for him?

If you aren't mates with her parents, I don't really see why you can't be blunt with her.

I think I will be blunt the next time. Only prob being, DS really likes the little sister and plays with her at nursery.

I wouldn't let my ds be with an adult of responsible age that I didn't trust, let alone a selfish little madam who seems intent on pushing him over and bullying him! Definitely not, and I'd even consider having a word with her parents as well even if it's to ask them to talk to her about pestering you! In a nice way of course
Agree also about being blunt, kids don't need the same degree of subtlety as adults, they need to be given clear instructions. You can still be nice about it, but agree with CMoose that you need to be direct and I wouldn't worry about your ds playing with the little sister at nursery, that won't change I wouldn't have thought. Good luck!

There is one small problem about speaking to the parents. Both are profoundly deaf. The mother lip reads but not very well. The dad doesn't. I have tried to speak to them but feel I am not getting through. I'm sorry if I have used incorrect terms that cause offence. I had thought about writing them a little letter saying I don't want to make the older one feel bad by saying no all the time but I feel she's too old to be playing with DS.

I might just keep saying no or turn off the door bell.

I should have put all the issues down in the first post.

Write them a note and ask them to please explain to their eldest daughter that she cannot keep coming round and that your DS is not old enough to play out in the street

make it clear that you want THEM to take responsibilty to STOP their child's behaviour

put it in terms of she's a lovely girl but far too old for your 4 year old and unfortunately they don't play well together but that DS plays beautifully with the 3 year old

also mention how distracting you are finding it having to constantly answer the door

DH had words with the little madam tonight. She was playing with DS in our garden as DH was working outside. DS heard her little sister crying and said 'oh dear x is crying, what wrong'. The little madam then shouted at him telling him not to go near her little sister. Dh heard her and told her to go home and not to talk to DS like that. She tried to argue but DH told her she wasn't playing nicely and just to go home.

Hopefully problem solved.

cool! hopefully that's done the trick