Toddlers and sharing

[HootShoot]

My dd is going to be two next month and I'm really struggling to get her to understand sharing. We had two other children the same age round for lunch today and my dd was a nightmare. Every time one of the other children picked up a toy or a book she would charge over and shout at them and snatch the toy. I don't like to take the toy physically from her as that feels like I am teaching her that snatching is ok. I try to be calm and ask her to give the toy back but she wails at me and refuses to give it up. I feel like I'm letting her down. I don't want her to become the kid who the other parents and children dread seeing

Can anyone give me some hints or tips on how I can deal with this?

I'd take it off her and return it to the child she snatched from and remove your child with a firm 'no we are sharing'

But then I'm no expert I'm going through the same with my dc aged 3 and 2.

Will wait with you for more advice.

I have twins who are coming up to two. Whatever DS has, DD wants and vice versa.. Sometimes if I tell them to share they will, but the only thing that works most of the time is swapping for another toy.

It's difficult knowing the best way of dealing with it isn't it? I was taking the toy back a few weeks ago but wasn't sure if I was just teaching her that the strongest wins. I'm hoping an expert will come and advise us soon.

The other problem I have is she is a big of a wailer. I'm never convinced she is taking in what I'm saying as she is wailing so I have to raise my voice which just makes her moan louder.

Thank ceeveebee, do you verbally convince them to swap or do you take the toy?

So for example, today DD got annoyed that DS was reading her favourite Mr Men book, so I gave her the VW camper van which she loves and so she forgot about the book

Or if DS tries to take the van off DD I give him another toy instead and he forgets about the van. If he had already taken it off her I would first ask him to give back, and if he doesn't I will take it off him.

My two are simple creatures though with short memories!!

I have had this all day! I sometimes make ds give the toy back to dd, sometimes make him wait until she's finished with it, sometimes count slowly to ten saying that when I get to ten it's his turn, I sometimes convince him to play with other things.
I'm hoping that it's just a phase that they gp through and that if I call him on it every single time he'll eventually learn that he must share.
It does my head in!

Sometimes I take the toy off him, give it back to dd then get him to ask nicely for it and to give her another toy instead.

'Sharing's caring' - a phrase picked up at ds's nursery.

I am very insistent that my children share. I have a friend whose sons are allowed to own stuff that they don't have to share with their brothers but I wouldn't like to police such a policy.

Just reinforce that she must share her toys. Like others on this thread I would take a toy from my child and hand it back to whoever was playing with it.

My ds really didn't get the concept of sharing particularly at toddler groups where we had many melt downs.

I always found that part of the problem would be that I would tell ds for snatching something away from another child and so no you need to share but then the other parents wouldn't then make their child actually share the toy in question!

His teacher at preschool advised me to say 'no give it back you need to take turns' and then actually make sure the children do take turns, so they have it for 2 minutes and then Hand it over to the other child. I've also found this approach worked at toddler groups as it sort of forces the other patents to make sure their child is also sharing.

Ds now accepts that it is someone else's turn and will happily relinquish up whatever it is when it's someone else's turn be ause he knows he will get another go.

It's worth a try

I think it's especially hard when they're at their own house - it must be strange to see other children playing with their toys. My DD is the same age - I would take the toy off her, give it back to the child who was playing with it, and then I immediately give DD loads of positive comments 'wow, you are sharing! Well done!' etc etc. I also speak to her before friends come round, eg 'Mary will play with your toys as it's kind to share, then it will be DD's turn' which seems to help.

That for all the great advice. So it seems it is ok to take the toy as long as I explain why and use lots of praise. I also like the idea of taki g turns. My sister is very good at ensuring turns are taken and my dd is much better when playing with her cousin. I think she was a bit overwhelmed with it today, willsing I think you are right they are worse with their own toys. She's normally ok ag toddler group. There was one toy in particular that she waz desperate to have - her favourite, but the other mum wasn't encouraging her dd to share either so it was all a bit fraught.

Lot's of really useful advice here - thank you.

Crikey - how many typos?! Stupid phone

I definitely think you have to take the toy by force - I have a friend who is a teacher and does this very confidently and I've noticed how much better it works than simply asking them nicely then letting them keep the toy ...

They have to learn that it's not negotiable and snatching is not allowed - their understanding will catch up as they grown - I know how hard it is when they wail but I think they do need to really have the taking turns concept drilled ito them

And you are not teaching them that force wins - they are seeing that they are not allowed to walk up an take something from someone else

Im having the same with my 2 year old ds. One piece of advice I got is to imagine yourself as the child - what if someone came round to your house and started playing with your mobile phone and took your car for a drive! Im not saying not sharing is acceptable, but it is understandable.

Generally find lots of praise can help but agree it feels wrong to wrestle the toy back from them..

We went with he concept of turn taking rather than sharing. Used a sand timer when necessary and played lots of the Orchard Toys games that require turn taking to reinforce the concept.

I would put away any special or new toys when other children came to play. And warn Ds that other children would want to play with his lovely toys.

If there was a snatching incident when out or visiting i would categorically insist it was returned or we left and went home. End of.

By following this (plus large dose of luck) DS has always shared exceptionally well.

At not even 2 she's just a baby and doesn't understand the concept of sharing yet. Also I would like to ask you this. How would you feel if someone came into your house and was wanting to use your washing machine t.v ect pretty peeved I'd imagine and quite right to as it's your property well the same goes for children their toys are their property. xx

Coming from an Early Years teachers view point, children don't really start to get the concept of sharing till at least 3yrs old and even then it only generally happens under the guidance of an adult. They are not being naughty as they genuinely don't understand and can't grasp the concept as they are naturally very selfish at this age. Of course you can demonstrate etc but they arn't being deliberately horrible when they are doing it.