Anyone else have a miserable child?

[pecka]

DD is 6 (7 in october) and I find it sooo wearing that she is....well....a misery guts.

Apart from flashes where she is gorgeous and relaxed and fun she seems very often to be sulky, sullent, miserable and very negative.

Please tell me how I can help!

It will pass pecka it will pass. Probably just a phase. Try to encourage the flashes of gorgeousness and not make a thing of the misery. DD1 was like that, DD2 made attempts at it, but with them both it passed.

Pecka my dd1 has just turned 7 and she is exactly like that. She's a real Kevin and Perry. She got up this morning, stomped down the stairs and threw herself on the kitchen floor. That was before anyone said a word to her. I just looked away and smiled and said "Good morning Chloe".

Things is MarsLady, she has been like this for as long as I remember!

She is very bright and complex - she seems to have none of that childhood innocence, abandonment and sense of fun that I remember having!

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Well, she has moved schools recently and we dont live with her real Dad. She goes to her Nanas to see him once a week and I feel sure that that has something to do with it.

She LOVES her time there and I think she thinks home is terrible in comparison (sp?).

Ahhhhh I dont know, its just so wearing because it has always been an issue. Going back in the archives I have been posting about this for years.

I feel like Im to blame, have to be.

I think, if anything the opposite is true. She is spoilt rotten there and showered with affection and attention and doesnt have much in the way of boundaries so when she comes home and I cant stop everything to see to her every desire and have expectations of how I want her to behave she sees me as unfair and an ogre I think.

She just seems to default to miserableness.

pecka, on the Nana front my dd is the same. My Mam has suddenly decided she likes dd1 and her 2 cousins sleeping over and i have actually said to DP, 'if dd comes back in such a strop again she's not going back'.
Jeez, it's like Nana is the bees knees. (which she is of course with her telly and coke and chocs and letting them stay up till 10! But dd expects that at home then).

On the misery front i don't really know as dd1 is o.k when not obsessed by Nana.

They are aware of it as I suppose she is also like that there but the difference is Nana/Dad pounce into action at the mere sign of a pout. I think its probably a manipulation tool that works very well there so she tries, tries and tries it here. I suppose in a way it also works here as I feel so dreadful that my daughter seems so unhappy that I try really hard to make her happy iyswim.

Its a shame as I think its beginning to impact on her relationship with my DH (she calls him Dad, been with him since she was 2. She has a Dad and a Daddy god lovel her) He is fairly strict but also very loving and a great Dad but she is starting to not want to be with him and I think its because she equates discipline to being nasty.

Quite often if I say "DD hurry up please" she will cry and say stop being nasty. I say darling I wasnt I just need you to hurry up or we will be late and then she cries more and says you wereeee your horrible to me etc etc and then I have the fall out from that to deal with when all I said was hurry up please! Then in turn my temper gets frayed I do then shout so there she has it Mummy is nasty after all

DS is just the same - age 7.5. I think it i a phase - at least I hope it is lol

try sitting down with her - say you seem miserable - is there anything I can do to help you. Ask her to tell you what is making her feel miserable.

Hopefully that will lead onto a conversation about how no-one gets what they want all the time (not even you !) and how smoetimes you get things as a treat (eg at Nan's) that would not be a treat if it was an everyday thing. And how when you share a house with people you have to consider how what you do affects those others in the house (just as they consider how what they do affects you ) .. etc.

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Been giving this a little thought. Do you and DD ever take time out alone together?

When DD1 was forever grumpy (and I'm not altogether convinced she's given it up) I decided that I should spend some extra time with her. I took her out shopping (fun shopping) and for ice cream. We do this occasionally and I find that that's when she opens up to me. I try not to initiate the conversation, though I'm not above hinting lol. I confess that I don't always feel like going out with her cos she can be such a sourpuss, but it is paying dividends! hth

Thanks all

I have also been pondering this and something struk me. When I was posting I wrote something like this,......and then she is always miserable which prompts me to make a big fuss to try and get her out of it ....." and I realised it may well be an attention thing. Maybe her miserableness is a habit she has developed to ensure she gets attention.

last night we had a fair bit of time together and yes, i would say that she was a lot better.

I dont think that is the whole picture as she ges plenty of positive attention on the whole and I do feel this is part of her personality but I think if I concentrate on making sure she gets that time with me it has got to improve.

We had another moment this morning - she wakes up most days and comes up with an illness (attention seeking again I wonder hmmmmmmmm) then gets in a strop when I encourage her to get ready for school, we ALWAYS have an issue with her socks or something, everything has to be JUST SO, tears normally result and so the day continues.

Quite often she comes out of school with her "crosspatch" face on and my heart just sinks. I say Hello darling, missed you have you had a lovely day. DD invariable just scowls and growls NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Hi Pecka - no advice I'm afraid but just commiserations from a fellow miserable child sufferer. Ds2 (7) sounds just like your dd. In fact I started a thread about him the other day because of his constant comments like 'I wish I was dead. Nobody likes me. I'm going to have a sad life and a sad death.' etc etc

He also does the illness thing every morning and before every activity, even ones like football that he loves. The point is though that once he is there he does enjoy himself.

i agree with you that the whole thing is a kind of attention seeking. But I don't think that it's necessarily 'bad'. i think of it more as 'reassurance- seeking'. My strategy at the moment is to ignore the histrionics. I tell him I can't understand what he is saying while he's whining or wailing but if he talks in a nice happy voice I will my full attention.

Can't tell you if it works yet but it's amazing how quickly ds can go from being in a dramatic pile of sobs to a giggling happy child if something distracts him.

Remember to keep smiling yourself - at least you will feel better!

my god..i thought was the only one...my ds1 had a 20 minute conversation with his 5 YEAR OLD brother about death and cancer. needless to say, ds2 just looked at him and laughed...anyone who knows my two wouldnt be surprised, they are the complete opposites of each other..ds1 wants to be a therapist..!!!!?????!!!!! wtf!

shimmy21! YES, I totally can relate her to your boy. She is also pretty easily distracted too.

She has been like this for as long as I can remember - sometimes I just cant help myself from saying FGS CHEER UP!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, thank you for this thread. My ds1 is exactly the same. I particularly relate to the thundercloud face coming out of school think, as I put on a manic and slightly desparate smile.

I will definitely be trying out some of these techniques myself.

My daughter has been about 6 months delayed globally, but thankfully, she is one of the most contented, pleasant-natured children I've come across.

I'm SO grateful for this!

She's happy-go-lucky, happy w/herself and the world.

Can't ask for much more!

Expat, that is what my DS is like and I WISH DD could be more like that but I suppose I just have to accept her for how she is instead of always thinking its a fault.