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Original poster

You know how people worry about having enough love for two?

23 replies

hunkermunker · 02/07/2006 23:53

Don't.

I was looking at DS2 as he was feeding just now and thinking how incredible it was to have had another child I love just as much as DS1 (I didn't worry I wouldn't when I was pg - I knew I would - but I couldn't imagine having another baby who wasn't DS1 - am I making any sense?!).

I love that DS1 is a big brother - he is so incredibly sweet with DS2 (for now...!) and DS2 lights up when he sees his brother.

I don't know really why I'm posting this. Just feel a bit wowed by the "I made a person - and another one!" thing tonight, I think.

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misdee · 02/07/2006 23:56

really dont worry about it. my girls are all very special and i love them all equally but for different reasons as well. dd1 is my sweet sensitive girly girl, dd2 is my strong boisterious girl who makes me giggle so much, she is so funny. dd3 is my cuddly little girl who can cheer me up just by flashing me a cheeky grin and saying hiya anmd waving at me 1st thing. but most of all, they are my girls, and i made them with a little help from dh

ginmummy · 02/07/2006 23:58

HM - how did you know what I was thinking??! DS is 3 in October and I'm getting very broody but I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love ds! I've been thinking about posting something to that effect for weeks but was too scared to in case people thought I was mad or something, but that's reassured me and it makes total sense!

Original poster
hunkermunker · 03/07/2006 00:00

GM, it's v common, I think.

I think I love DS2 even more than I did DS1 at the same age - because I know what's coming. Not that I didn't think I loved DS1 - I did, with all my heart - but I think DS2's made my heart bigger

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alexsmum · 03/07/2006 00:03

my mum says that babies bring their own love with them-true i think! i creally worried about not loving ds2 as much as ds1-that thought makes me laugh now! they are both incredible!

Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 00:03

I feel exactly like that . When I was pregnant with ds2 I worried myself sick that I wouldn't be able to love another child as much as I loved ds1, that he would feel replaced, that our relationship would be ruined. I did panic a bit in the first week after ds2's birth a bit too, because when ds1 came in to visit me (I'd never been away from him for more than an hour before) he felt all huge and heavy and unfamiliar compared to the new baby. It took a few days for us to get back to normal. Now, I love them both so much it would be laughable to try and rank them in order of preference - which is better, the sun or the moon? They are perfect . I love seeing them together and watching how patient and protective ds1 is with his little brother and how much he's learning. And ds2 idolises ds1 and follows him everywhere. I feel proud to have given them the gift of one another for the rest of their lives, IYSWIM.

I don't want to sound critical families with only children, or bigger families, or anyone - lots of different kinds of families are wonderful in all sorts of different ways. It's just that having never really been all that impressed with anything else I've ever done, I look at my boys and waves of awe and adoration course through me sometimes

Hunker, it is Your Fault Entirely. You have brought out my sloppy side

Original poster
hunkermunker · 03/07/2006 00:06

Oh, please don't think I'm criticising only children - oh heavens, didn't think of that

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Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 00:08

Oh, bugger, sorry Hunker, I'm sure no-one thought that!!! Your post is lovely, no-one could take it the wrong way.

ginmummy · 03/07/2006 00:10

I think I'm worried that I won't love another child full stop. I had postnatal depression for almost two years after ds was born and it took me a long time to 'love' him but when it came it was totally, completely overwhelming!

(regarding the 'love' thing - I once read an article where a mother was asked when her baby became her baby, and that struck a chord at the time as it was a feeling I couldn't explain - I just felt so bad that the natural feelings that are supposed to come with motherhood didn't come when they should have)

ginmummy · 03/07/2006 00:11

Hunker - your post was completely the opposite! One where you can't help but smile!

Original poster
hunkermunker · 03/07/2006 00:12

GM, I had undiagnosed PND with DS1 (I wouldn't admit how awful I was feeling) - that was more to do with how I felt about me though, not about him - I was just amazed that someone who felt as down about life in general as I did could create someone so cheerful and adorable - so it never affected how I felt about DS1, which I am incredibly grateful for.

With DS2, the same feeling surfaced again - worse, more raw, more painful - but again, not affected how I feel about DS2. I'm feeling a lot better than I did too because I got help this time (and I have MN too ).

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Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 00:14

There isn't any "supposed to" - everyone has their own pace and their own way of making relationships, including with new babies! I know it's nerve-wracking and a rollercoaster (I had a hell of a time when mine were born, and afterwards, for various reasons) but you will be all right, honestly, and you WILL love the baby. And the baby will love you. Really !! If anything it is all much smoother and less emotionally violent with the second child. Try not to worry too much xx

ginmummy · 03/07/2006 00:19

Thank you!! I'm going to go to bed now and dream happy dreams of having another baby, a little brother or sister for ds. I've already asked ds if he would like a little brother or sister one day and he said yes he wants a sister called Snowdrop!! So cute!!

(I'm not going to call her that, though it would be a nice pet name. Charlotte Elizabeth for a girl, Samuel Arthur for a boy - you can tell I've been thinking about this a lot!)

NappiesGalore · 03/07/2006 00:19

'having never really been all that impressed with anything else I've ever done, I look at my boys and waves of awe and adoration course through me sometimes ' (Greensleves)

awwwwww, thats so sweet.

hunker, lovely thread. disgustingly soppy, but lovely nonetheless.

Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 00:22

Tis lovely I shall have a soppy grin on my face until morning now

Hunker is a softie
Hunker is a softie

Ner ner ner ner ner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Original poster
hunkermunker · 03/07/2006 00:24

Guilty as charged.

I could post All Day about the gorgeous milky scent of DS2 and the requests for a "quick huggle" from DS1.

Total pushover I am

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ginmummy · 03/07/2006 00:27

Must be something in the air tonight - Warthog started a thread earlier about soppy things kids do and the things you love about them.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/07/2006 00:29

Dya know, I was thinking just this very thing today.

Specifically as i was b/feeding DS this evening, in awe that he had got to this far, with mostly just me doing it iykwim.

Miaou · 03/07/2006 07:32

Aw, lovely thread hunker

Someone once asked me this very question, and so I said, imagine your soul is a house, and when your child is born it's like you suddenly find another room in your house that you never knew was there - and it's so beautiful that it takes your breath away. When you are pregnant with your second child, you wonder if there is space in that room for them too. And lo and behold, when the child is born you find yet another room, just as big and beautiful as the first one.

Works for me

TinyGang · 03/07/2006 08:19

Ahh congratulations It's great isn't it, and you get to see a side to your older son that you and he would never have known was there.

BagelBird · 03/07/2006 08:27

It is magic isn?t it?.
I was worried too and agree it is totally unnecessary. Wait until they talk to each other and have little private conversations all to themselves.
My two little girls (5 and 2 and a half) sat in the hall together playing Barbies. DD2 turns to big sis and says "I like your hair done up like that", big sis gives her little sis a quick cuddle and says "aaah, thanks! When you are bigger and have hair, I?ll help you do it like this too." which makes DD2 smile from ear to ear and give DD1 another cuddle and a kiss. Pure gorgeousness. I love it. One of my main parenting aims in life is to make sure that they grow up as best of friends as possible and understand the meaning of the importance of "family".

moondog · 03/07/2006 08:27

I echo all yuor sentiments Hunker (and everyone else's)

Flamesparrow · 03/07/2006 08:50

Oh Hunker - you have summed it up beautifully with "I think I love DS2 even more than I did DS1 at the same age - because I know what's coming"... I have been feeling a similar way for a while, but couldn't put it into words without it sounding like I "preferred" DS to DD!

Also for those worried about not loving a son/daughter as much as the other... I had been sure I would have two girls, and having DS compleytely confused me - all my imaginings for the future were completely thrown out. But 4 months down the line, I have gotten used to this whole boy thing, and couldn't imagine it any other way

megandsoph · 03/07/2006 09:21

I worried about this all the time when pg with dd2 and when she was born the first thing I said to exh was " oh I do love her too" with tears streaming (with happyness... it was my biggest fear

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