8 MONTH OLD CRIES NON STOP AND WON'T EAT SOLIDS OR SLEEP

[lee050283]

Please please someone help!! My eight and a half month old daughter just winges and cries all day. She never seems to be content for more than a few minutes. I have tried everything I can think of. I thought she might be bored sitting in the same room so I make sure I take her out for a good portion of the day and when we're in I switch rooms so she doesn't get bored. I put on cartoons, I try her in her baby walker, i sit her on the floor surrounded by her toys and cushions. Nothing works. She cries every time I leave the room or put her down but even when I pick her up after a minute or two she starts thrashing around and crying like she wants down. She doesn't want to play with her toys but cries for whatever I've got - phone, computer, bit of paper, baby wipes...
I've started taking her to parent and toddler groups but all the other parents can put their babies (some younger than her) down and let hem play but I have to sit with her or she'll scream and even though she can sit up fine, I can't leave her because she throws herself backwards and hits her head when she's fed up.
I started her on solids at 6 months but she hates them. I have tried home cooking, pouches and jars, different textures, finger foods like banana, rusks or bits of toast, I've even tried sweet things like puddings - (Even Chocolate!) and I have stuck with one food for weeks at a time but she won't eat. On a really good day she'll maybe have 6 tiny spoonfuls and on a bad (or normal day) she'll take nothing. She starts to gag then choke then she throws up!

Also she won't nap. bedtime is actually ok. She gets bathed then put in cot with a bottle and she goes to sleep alone. She used to sleep about 10 hours through the night but shes been waking once or twice a night for the past 2 months. I don't even mind this but I can't get her to nap during the day. She fights sleep and I end up have to actually wrestle her to sleep. I know when she's tired and even try and get her down before she's tired but she thrashes around and hits me and screams.
If i hold her in my arms and get her dummy in she'll eventually fall asleep but this can take up to an hour of wrestling her to stay still and give in and her naps can be as short as 10 minutes!

I love my daughter so so much and when she's smiling and laughing it makes it all worth it but these times are getting fewer and further between. She only seems happy or content for about 10 mins here and there throughout the day. Everyone I know with kids a similar age say they think she's really hard work and even my parents who have had three kids of their own and love her to death (mum worked in nursery for years) say they've never seen a more difficult child.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I used to have a really good routine with her but feel like I don't anymore and can't because she's so wingy. Her nap times are off cause she won't nap, her feeding tines are off because she won't feed - even taking a bottle she can make it last hours.

I've had her at the doctors a couple of times and they say there is nothing wrong with her.
She was teething for a long time but even that seems to have stopped at minute, at least there's not drooling or chewing things (although she still hasn't cut any teeth).

People tell me to try leaving her when she's crying for nothing but it feels wrong and everything I read gives contrasting advice on the matter. Plus I feel that 'cry it out' is really for nighttime but it's daytime she cries all day long!

My husband and I have always been quite laid back parents. We have never ran to her or picked her up at the first whimper and don't feel we've overly mollycoddled her but I feel this has to be our fault somehow.

Please let me know what you think. It's got to the stage that I just sit and cry while she's crying now. I honestly can't listen to her crying anymore.

Hi Lee, I'm sorry to hear how hard things are for you. I wanted to say that I don't think any of this is your fault; you are clearly trying everything to understand her cries.

Maybe try not to focus on a routine too much, at least until she's calm? Babies can have very different temperaments and while some fit into a routine, it doesn't work for others (my first two were easy going, my third was a complete shock). Don't look at other peoples babies and compare them to your baby or your parenting - I know it's hard not to!

Do you sit with her and play? She may just want to be close to you, and her way of telling you anything is by crying. Do you get a break much/at all? It's really important that you do, especially if her crying is getting you down. Perhaps your health visitor can help with worries about feeding?

Babies are hard work, some more than others, but she loves you and this time will pass.

You say you used to have a good routine with her - when did it start to get worse/when did she become more distressed?
If it was around weaning, could there be food intolerances? Maybe keep a detailed diary of foods/her moods to see if there are any patterns.
To be honest it sounds like she is totally knackered and once they are overtired it just spirals because they can't get to sleep so end up even more tired.

(I can't stay now as 6mo is getting tired and whingey ready for bathtime, but I'll check back later!)

Have re-read your post:
Has she always been a crier? Has she always been bottlefed? Could it be a lactose intolerance/cow's milk protein allergy if this has been going on since she was born? Even if you were bf'ing at first it could be a possibility - lactose is in bm and my son was diagnosed with cmpa when being ebf'd.

My son had major issues with napping - the only time he slept was at night, and that was really due to being so exhausted that he just couldn't fight it. At his lowest point he was down to around 7 hours sleep in 24 hours and that would just be all in one go - the other 17 hours he would be awake and crying literally all day long.

I found that there's a really tiny window of opportunity with napping - putting my son down too early resulted in him rolling around and wanting to play then that would escalate to full blown crying when he realised he was meant to be napping, so the chance was lost. Putting him down too late would still result in tons of crying and another chance lost because he'd fight it. What signs of tiredness are you acting on? Waiting for yawning/rubbing eyes/batting ears etc is too late - I scoop mine up and into the cot as soon as he zones out a bit or gets a bit clumsy and starts flailing his toys around.

I don't really know about sleep training/cry it out - I've never looked into specific methods but I found that my son responded well to the following:

1. Put him down at the earliest sign of tiredness.
2. Put him in a light sleeping bag with his comforter, so echoing nighttime sleep.
3. Make room a bit darker than full daylight, but not fully dark.
4. First few days I sat with him, stroked/patted/whispered until he fell asleep.
5. Once he started to go off in less time, I sat with him but didn't interact unless he got upset.
6. Next few days, I sat on the opposite side of the bed.
7. Eventually, I just left the room straight away. I always went back in if he cried, reassured him, and then left again.

It was knackering, but it has worked and I don't believe he suffered distress because I always comforted him (and still do) if he got upset.

I hope this helps.
x

I couldn't read this and not post. So much of what you have written I could have written with our eldest son when he was a baby.

He whinged and cried constantly, never wanted to be put down but also writhed and arched his back crying even when I held him. He cried for everything we had in our hands or even things he could see on the table but couldn't reach. Everything was hard work and felt like a battle. He hated his carseat, hated the pushchair, cried in the highchair. Cried when I spoon fed him, threw finger foods on the floor and cried some more! Sometimes just tickling him made him cry. I was convinced there was something wrong with him, even medically or developmentally. I didn't know but I kept going back and back to Health visitors and GPs, he was put on dairy free, tried reflux medication, took him to cranial osteopath, everything. Nothing worked. Have you ruled out any food intolerance or allergy to milk etc? It can make their tummy very painful and of course makes them grumpy. Reflux can cause crying too. Even if they're not being sick they get heartburn which is really painful for them. It wasn't the case with our DS1, he was just miserable!! It didn't matter what we did but nothing stopped the crying.

Basically, we just had to go with it. Hold him when he wanted it, constantly walk around with him (motion seemed to settle him), he was actually just really, really frustrated and bored to be a baby (we think!).

He's 6 now and seriously the happiest, giggliest, funniest, most chatty little boy you could ever wish to meet. He has never been a hard work child at all but some personalities are just not compatible with being babies. He was a frustrated stroppy young toddler but the constant grizzle and crying did stop once he could walk. He completely mellowed and became wonderful once he could talk really well and understand us at around 20 months. He is now doing so well at school, very sociable, bright and polite. I really thought he'd be some kind of problem child or would end up being diagnosed with something because he was just so different to all the happy sunny babies I met. Turns out he was just very adult engaged and really hated not being able to talk!

Our second DS was actually similar as a baby, again we tried everything and nothing made any difference. He's not quite so highly strung but has certainly been a more challenging baby than all my friend's babies. He's 21 months now and JUST getting there. Still strops and moans a fair bit but his understanding and conversation is slowly coming and is gradually mellowing!

My advice is to rule out anything medical and once you've done that, ignore anyone who says leave her to cry. Ignore anyone who makes you feel like this is YOUR fault, it's not. Ignore anyone who makes out like their babies are angels, in my experience all babies cry and moan a lot but some more than others. Do what you need to do to stay sane and know that it really will get better.

Hi sewingandcakes
Yes I sit and play with her a lot. The only time she really seems happy is when she has my undivided attention and I'm playing with her and she'll laugh and smile but after 5 or 10 minutes she seems frustrated/bored with that and wriggles and cries again. My mum helps out and takes her out for a few hours once a week. Mum's great with her but finds her too exhausting! Thanks for your reassurance. It's hard to not compare or think I'm doing something wrong cause I feel like everyone thinks I must be doing something wrong for her to behave the way she does. I'll try and just ignore my insecurities.

Hi gretagrape
She was an angel up until about 4 months old, this is when the constant crying started. She was breastfed for the first 2 months and I started her on solids at 6 months so there's not really any pattern that it could be the bottle milk or food as a 2 month window either side. I did give her colief for a month or so when she first started the crying and I've taken her to Docs and asked about reflux and ear infections etc and mentioned that my husband was allergic to dairy as a baby but Doc said doesn't think that's it. I don't think she eats enough (any) food that would cause a reaction. She starts to gag before she's even tasted it, as soon as she sees the food coming. But this is definitely something I'll try and keep an eye on and maybe ask doc about again. I know she's tired as soon as she rubs her eyes. I've tried to judge the times and get her down before I see signs of tiredness but she goes mad and will not sleep. It's seems she'll only sleep out of sheer exhaustion. I'll persevere and try the sleeping techniques you suggested. Thank you.

Hi Scunnilingus
Thanks for you message, it's really good to hear that someone else had been through it and that your boy turned out to be a sweetie. I know that my daughter is lovely but I do worry not only about what everyone else thinks of her but of how she'll turn out. I worry all the time that I'm just blinded by love and defend her but that she actually is bad natured or I've spoiled her in some way. Plus I want her to be happy and she doesn't often seem to be. Your boys sound just like her. I often feel that she is frustrated being a baby. She arches her back all the time too and wants to stand up constantly and have whatever I have. It's good to know there's light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it means another few months of hard graft.

Thanks everyone :)

I'd go to the doctor and check for ear infections. Hang in in there.

Poor you! No perfect solutions here, but in the meantime do you have a sling that lets you comfortably carry her around, so you can get on with things and she can be close to you? ergo or manduca brands are good - without our manduca, grumpy 6 month old DS would never sleep (he only naps in there during the day) and I would never eat.

Also, does she get better after panadol? If so then I'd definitely head back to the doctor as she may well be hurting.

Good luck with hanging in there, I always try to console myself that the grumpiest babies often make the happiest toddlers (well, that's what my mum says after 5 babies and years as a nanny, and I'm clinging to it!)

I can only echo what Scunnilingus said.

My son was the same at that age. He was really, really hard work. He'd cry to be in my arms and cry to get down again immediately. No amount of attention made him happy, I would enviously watch friends with babies the same age and be so jealous that they could actually sit on their sofa and not the floor.
He would break his heart crying if I went to put a nappy in the bin or to the loo. I remember being so desperate that I brought him to the GP who told me he was a fine, healthy boy.

Now he's 2.2 and a joy. He's still a mummy's boy but far easier and far happier. Hang in there.

One of my friends babies was like this, she didn't like to be left alone at baby group and she only took one 20 minute nap a day, and just not interested in food at all!

I don't have any suggestions as it sounds like you're doing everything that you can already. If you have a nice health visitor it might be good to have a chat with them as sometimes it helps to get it off your chest and they can reassure and/or offer tips?

I did notice a big improvement in DS once he turned one and DM said the first year is always the hardest!

I think at this stage just do whatever you need to do to get through and try to take turns with your DH so you each get a break. I hope things get easier for you soon.

Hi Lee I had to reply as I have a 5mo who is the same, she has spent most of her short life crying. I find it so so hard to mother her because I never seem to get it right. She sleeps a lot during the day, I think she needs it because she has all the sleep cues but sometimes I worry that I get her to sleep just to have a break. She wakes every 2 hours from 12.30am so am exhausted. I am hoping that its because she is frustrated being a baby and that there isn't enough stimulation for her mental abilities. The other day I was out with my mum and she was so content sitting on my lap watching people go by it made me more hopeful that she will be happier when she can do more for herself. So no miracle cure to offer you but at least I feel your pain.
FF

Hi there, I think you should talk to your health visitor for some support and go back and see your GP again. It could well be silent reflux, even if your GP didn't think she had classic signs of reflux before. Re-iterate that she cries all the time and won't eat solids. Has she been like this with milk feeds? My ds1 had silent reflux which resulted in a feeding phobia - it hurt him to drink milk, so he refused to drink it - we were in and out of hospital as he kept having no fluid intake. The knock-on effect was that he wouldn't eat, and I didn't manage to start weaning him until he was 15mo. Before that I gave him 2 finger food meals a day, but they were just 'for play' as if I'd thought of them as meals where he was meant to be eating it would have been too pressured and stressful. Before that I made all the mistakes of trying to make him eat pureed foods - dancing about like a loon and singing to try to distract him, trying to force a spoon in, and occasionally losing it and shouting when it got too much to cope with . It helps to think that before 12 months, food is just for fun and they get all the nutrients they need from their milk. Also, ds1 lived solely off formula until 15mo, and not a lot of that either, and was skinny but perfectly fine. His paediatrician was very reassuring. He is now a happy healthy 4.9yo and in Reception! He is a fussy eater but he does eat. If your baby is crying a lot and grumpy most of the time they could well have silent reflux, which would also explain the reluctance to eat. Try to keep meals as light-hearted as possible - "oopsie daisy!" when things get splatted on the floor and laugh, even though you might prefer to cry. And do have a chat to your HV / GP again. All the best x

Hi Lee
I am facing the exact problem with my 9 months baby girl. From the day one she was colic & never wanted to sleep. She used to take nap for minutes holding my nipples in her mouth. She refused bottle milk ( after trying too many times also )when she was six months slowly I started lentil water / rice veggie but she was not interested at all. Then I thought to come to my home country to stay with my parents just to keep her with others.. but she never liked any food or never slept or never liked any toy.. she loves traveling , that motion keeps her asleep. So every evening I take her the carrier & move around the city on rickshaw just to keep her asleep. Now a days she became so grumpy, stopped smiling, holding food in her mouth intact for hours & then Spit it out or vomits . I try all possible way to feed her.
From her birth
She refused bottle
Sleeps only when she holds my night por in her mouth.
In car she never stays at car seater; she loves to stay in my lap & she takes nap.
She never liked any food( all possible food I hv tried) even no fruit or fruit juice she likes.
She does not stay in pram or stroller. She likes only carrier.
Night time also she wakes up too many times for breast milk.
Her usual routine ; Morning 9.30 to 11.30 breakfast
Afternoon 12.30 to 3 pm lunch
Evening 5 to 7 pm snack
Bing by 9.30 pm to 11 pm dinner.

She holds food intact for hours . Now a days changing diaper even became a fussy thing for her. She started crawling & m continuously changing ( using my existence) to keep her calm & cheerful . But m not able to do so. Consulted with doctor but he said it’s a typical mother syndrome .After getting C section not for a single day I got rest as the day of my delivery my mother slipped on the floor & got bed ridden.
M too tired mentally & physically moreover very anxious for my baby . I can’t makd anyone understand thar the things r happening over here & how tough for a mother to forget her existence just the sake of the child & where the child is not well.

I am a mother of 9 months baby girl. From the day one she was colic & never wanted to sleep. She used to take nap for minutes holding my nipples in her mouth. She refused bottle milk ( after trying too many times also )when she was six months slowly I started lentil water / rice veggie but she was not interested at all. Then I thought to come to my home country to stay with my parents just to keep her with others.. but she never liked any food or never slept or never liked any toy.. she loves traveling , that motion keeps her asleep. So every evening I take her the carrier & move around the city on rickshaw just to keep her asleep. Now a days she became so grumpy, stopped smiling, holding food in her mouth intact for hours & then Spit it out or vomits . I try all possible way to feed her.
From her birth
She refused bottle
Sleeps only when she holds my night por in her mouth.
In car she never stays at car seater; she loves to stay in my lap & she takes nap.
She never liked any food( all possible food I hv tried) even no fruit or fruit juice she likes.
She does not stay in pram or stroller. She likes only carrier.
Night time also she wakes up too many times for breast milk.
Her usual routine ; Morning 9.30 to 11.30 breakfast
Afternoon 12.30 to 3 pm lunch
Evening 5 to 7 pm snack
Bing by 9.30 pm to 11 pm dinner.

She holds food intact for hours . Now a days changing diaper even became a fussy thing for her. She started crawling & m continuously changing ( using my existence) to keep her calm & cheerful . But m not able to do so. Consulted with doctor but he said it’s a typical mother syndrome .After getting C section not for a single day I got rest as the day of my delivery my mother slipped on the floor & got bed ridden.
M too tired mentally & physically moreover very anxious for my baby . I can’t makd anyone understand thar the things r happening over here & how tough for a mother to forget her existence just the sake of the child & where the child is not well.

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