I don't feel I'm owned properly...

[shimmy21]

said ds2 (7 years old) at bedtime tonight. I asked him what he meant and he said that he feels nobody loves him and that he is going to live a sad life and have a sad death.

I constantly tell him how special, wonderful and important he is to me. I cuddle him whenever he will deign to let me. I love him so much and I do think he knows it really. But I am so scared that he is going to grow up with depression (like dh).

What on earth do I do?

Not sure what you should do tbh.

It could be it's a phase he's going through, thinking of death etc, iirc ds1 would talk about death quite regularly and it would leave me feeling quite low.

Id it possible he has overheard adult conversations re your dh's depression?

I think sometimes children know what buttons to press and i knwo my ds1 knows he just has to mention his dad (my xp) and he'll get full on attention

How is he in general? How is he getting on in school?

Oh, no, hoq sad he feels like this.

I was a child like this, and if he is anything like me he will need a huge amount of reassurance that he is loved and cherished, and how upset you would be if he were ever gone.

Gush about it. I used to love is when my mother gushed to me, because she wasn't usually very demonstrative, and could be very distant. Demand cuddles from him, even if he says no, he will know you wanted one, IYSWIM.

Also, how is he doing wth his social life? Could be he needs to get out and make some new friends, have a bit of excitement to stop him feeling so melancholy.

Do you dh's moods hang over the house?

Lact8 -don't think he'll have picked up anything from dh (who has been pretty good for 2 or 3 years).

generally he is a very bright, very intense all or nothing type child. I mean either he is often ultra happy and excited but the smallest thing can send him in to sobs and wails (I've been reading the Very sensitive child thread with him in mind). He has friends and enjoys school. I just don't know how to deal with the repeated expressions of misery - Nobody loves me. I feel sad all the time. my life is terrible. I wish I was dead etc etc He really says these things.

yes to what colditz said about hugs. sometimes when i was little i would automatically refuse a hug and then be gutted that i didn't get one, would have ben lovely if someone just bear hugged me anyway... iyswim

The more you say, the more he sounds like I was!

just constantly reassure him that he is loved. people do like him, he will have a lovely life, get him to tell you how he could make his life nice when he is older - it will encourage him to take a more positive outlook.

I put my mother through the mill as a child with my moods, so I do feel for you.

I do insist on cuddles (I need them even if he doesn't!).

TBH the whole family tells him a lot how much we love him. In fact yesterday I heard ds1 (9yrs) saying 'ds2 you're the best brother a boy could have!'

I'm fairly sure that a lot of the 'nobody loves me' business is attention seeking (not in a bad way - just in a we all like to be told we're loved way) but I don't know if there is anything more serious (clinical) underlying it.

sometimes i daydream with ds (he's only 2 btw) we say things like 'shall we go to the moon when you're bigger' etc. you have to be really over enthusiastic like 'oooh yes lets' (i know it sounds mad) you could make it more realistic though so he knows he has a great future.... (i sound like a loony now)

Good points about the future life daydreams.

Fortunately ATM he genuinely believes he is going to play football for England. He said today 'Rooney's talent was discovered when he was 12 so I guess I'll be discovered when I'm about 8 or 9. I'm dreading the fallout if he isn't!

I went through phases of this as a child (and as a teen, too). My very demonstrative mother would go overboard with the gushing to try and overcome this, as I got older she would often just get fed up with my attitude and poo-poo it. TBH both responses felt like my feelings were being poo-pooed. I think I would have liked to be taken more seriously. Of course I knew that I was loved, but I think that often I didn't feel that I was valued for who I was (as opposed to just being an accessory of my parents'). Certainly the day-dreaming sounds a great idea, also somehow persuading the child that they have a role to play in life and that they as a person are important.