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Parenting

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Original poster

1 year old who thinks hitting, scramming and hairpulling is fun...

10 replies

falloutpony · 15/10/2013 11:23

My one year old daughter has recently started getting very nasty towards me, over the past week she has started smacking me in the face, scratching my face, pulling my hair by the roots (also took a chunk out of my friends hair) she's left scrams on my face too I tell her no and she laughs at me (I am serious when i say no and do sound angry) I then tried smacking her on the hand when she did it... She also laughs at this... What can I do? (or do I just have a devil child who enjoys inflicting pain on me lol)

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nicole1528 · 15/10/2013 12:13

I no how your feeling my son is the exscat same hes 1 turning 2 in december and the past week hes is constant hitting me and his sister whos only 7months he throws his toys and laughs . Ive tried telling him off. Taking him 2 is room for a few minitues to calm him down but nothing works he just laughs at me.. I just keep telling my self its his age and hopefully it will stop soon.. just try ignore it and am sure they will get bored :)

48th · 15/10/2013 12:17

Not nasty, normal, tbh your reaction is too strong. Ignore the bad stuff, praise the good and remember they grow out of this. There is no nastiness just exploration. Sounding angry and smacking just makes you both miserable in the long term. Your local cc will do age appropriate parenting courses which are good for when a new stage leaves you feeling out of your depth.

KirjavaTheCorpse · 15/10/2013 12:23

Redirect her hands when you think she's about to hit or scratch you.

Disengage from her when she does it, put her down and tell her no, firmly but gently and walk away. She'll soon get the idea that if she scratches and hits then playtime is over.

Smacking her hand is doing nothing but sending her mixed messages.

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Original poster

falloutpony · 15/10/2013 12:53

yeah but she's only JUST turned one... and everyone i know is shocked she's like it now... they said they'd expect her to be like it at 2. Friends that have had kids have even said they are going to start calling her Damien. I don't know how much she can understand at her age, my mum told me to pull her hair when she pulls mine, but everyone else has said she's too young to understand. She has actually left cuts down my face. I even tried pretending to cry like she does if she gets hurt and she just laughs at me

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Original poster

falloutpony · 15/10/2013 12:55

and what is my local cc? first time i've used this site so i dont understand the shortened terms

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Original poster

falloutpony · 15/10/2013 12:56

KirjavaTheCorpse thanks, most helpful message so far. but how is smacking her hand a mixed message? :S

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48th · 15/10/2013 13:05

Cc is a childrens centre. It is normal for just turned one year olds, mine is a bit younger and we all have some scratches from him too. You get better at dodging, redirect their attention, putthemcdown or move away if they are rough. am not sure mums and friends for that matter always remember accurately!

And your mum's approach makes no sense, your baby is too young to understand why you would pull her hair back. She would understand you are hurting her which is wrong. You model good behaviour and praise it, don't model hitting or pulling hair...don't hit it is wrong so now I will hit you ...make son sense

BotBotticelli · 15/10/2013 14:24

Agree smacking her hand is a mixed message: how can you possibly try and teach someone that 'hitting is bad', by hitting them??

I was smacked a lot as a child (in anger, by angry parents) and even now in my 30s I struggle with the impulse to lash out and hit (usually poor DH) when I am very angry. Please try any other methods you can think of to teach your little girl appropriate behaviour, dont resort to smacking her hand! She might grow up thinking that's an ok response to disliking something.

Some good advice up thread: ignore and walk away. Praise and play with your daughter when she is being good. Walk away from her for a couple of minutes when she plays up (as long as she is somewhere safe)....she will soon learn that she gets to have more fun with mummy if she stops hitting.

As for the 'damien' comments,that's v v hurtful of your friends! My DS is 10mo and can be a real little monkey sometimes too (twisting his body round to aim kicks at my boobs when I am changig his nappy,hitting and pinching sometimes too) but it is his age and he is looking for a reaction. If he has a day of doing lots of this behaviour I ask myself how much time I have actually spent with him that day, playing on the floor. Usually, it happens more on days when I have been ignoring him a bit, leaving him to play whilst I do chores etc.

Thurlow · 15/10/2013 14:32

Putting DD down and walking away (as long as she was safe to be alone) worked well for us when she was biting and scratching. I think about twice we put her in the next room and walked away, which she obviously hated, and that actually seemed to work very well. It's about getting the message across to her that biting, scratching, hitting etc won't get her any attention at all, not even negative attention.

As the others have said, hitting/smacking her back is a mixed message that she is too young to understand. In my (limited) experience getting no attention at all is something that works at that age.

You can also try distraction stroking etc, depending on her intent. Most of the time it is probably frustration or something similar and distraction can work really well. We only did the putting in another room thing when DD very deliberately did something she knew not to do.

Oriunda · 15/10/2013 19:26

My DS started this just after he turned 1. He's a very physical, active little boy and I have to watch him like a hawk around other kids too. He means well, just gets very enthusiastic. He's not doing it to be nasty, is just very physical. Try not to react, because any reaction is funny. I used to put him down immediately if he slapped me and he hated that. He is now 19months and has calmed down a lot. No more slapping, just hair pulling but he does it whilst giving me a bear hug so it's meant in an affectionate way. He's also now better with other children, the occasional hair pull or tap (more his way of saying hello).

Labelling your DD 'Damien' is really unhelpful. She is not old enough to be nasty and won't understand punishments like hair pulling or slapping hands (and you cannot tell her off for slapping if you do this to her yourself). Disengage, put her down, walk away, grit your teeth and ignore.

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