DS holding wee until desperate

[gutzgutz]

Initially posted on potty training but no replies in 24 hours so hoping for more traffic here......DS is 3.2 and has been dry during the day from about 2.9. We left it fairly late but after a push from nursery he got it fairly quickly with the bribe of chocolate buttons as stickers held no interest. He has no SEN.

He wears a night time nappy and will generally only poo in this after his bath. He has never soiled himself since the very early days of training. We are leaving this for now (although advice welcome here too!)

HOWEVER, he will almost always hold his wee until he is really bursting, so that when he tells me or concedes he needs a wee after me asking, I either have to find a loo immediately or find a tree/alleyway. This is despite reminders when he is clutching himself, hopping up and down etc.

If I attempt to force him on the potty, he will fight it and he is tall for his age. I also think the forcing is counter-productive as he needs to tell me or whoever is with him.

So, any advice? Should I back off completely and not remind him and accept the wet pants or go back to the chocolate buttons for a while (he will wee if one is on offer). It's just so frustrating as he was doing so well and recently we seem to have gone backwards. No life changes. Thanks.

Dd does this and every now and then goes through spells of accidents. Her pre-school assure me that it is normal to be too busy to go to the loo.

What works for us is a short term reintroduction of the sticker chart. I draw one up for 10/14 days with a sticker for dry pants all day and a small treat thrown in at regular intervals.

I have found that praise for trying works well. So i ask dd to get on the toilet and we count to 10 together. Then she gets off regardless of whether she has done anything. Forcing leads to a major tantrums here.

Sorry, just seen that stickers didn't work for you! You could try a daily chocolate button for dry pants instead.

Forcing doesnt work for us either! DS is younger (2.5) and won't tell me that he needs the loo. I need to take him every couple of hours. We have a pile of books and a sticker board hanging in the loo (he gets to choose from a zillion stickers and stick it on himself and we have a very strange collage of stickers on the board now but he loves looking at it!) so I just say shall we look at the stickers ad he's happy to do that. If I ask if he needs the loo the answer is invariably no! Have you tried her favorite stickers? DS loves cars and only car themed stickers did the trick. Generic reward stickers didn't.

DS still does this sometimes at 3.3 and he's been dry day and night since he turned 2.

If I want to persuade him to try, I ask him to just have a try and it's ok if he doesn't need to. Or I give the choice differently - time for a wee, do you want to do a sit down wee wee or a stand up one? Also use target practice. You can use special balls or stickers, but we usually use just a bit of loo paper or a cheerio in the loo. Makes it fun and little boys love to pee on things! Just have a practice when he wants to go.

The trouble is they're very little and when they're busy they're totally immersed in it and I think genuinely don't know when they need to go until it's too late, even if it's blindingly obvious to us!

We have had a little bit of this. I must admit I thought it wasn't helping her learn, if it was always me making her go. So, if I saw she needed (hopping, dancing about etc) I asked her and if she said no, I just left her and then she wet herself. Which she didn't like. I did it once she got much better after that. It might be worth letting that happen once to see if it helps - he then sees the direct result of him not going to the toilet.

Good luck

Thanks all. I will try to back off a bit, hard as it is! Do you think I should tell him off a bit when he wets himself? I've just been matter of fact so far "next time, don't leave it until the last minute" etc. Will also try the Cheerios/ balls thing and maybe buy some special character stickers to see if those have any effect.

One of mine did this. First check he is not avoiding due to any fear (e.g. if urination causes pain or for some random reason he's got scared of the flush).

On investigation it turned out my DS just would rather play than go to the toilet and wetting himself wasn't a particularly big or embarrassing deal for him. So he would usually leave it to the last minute at preschool if he thought he would 'lose' a toy while in the toilet, or at soft play because going to the toilet was too much effort.

So we made wetting himself a bit more boring - if he did it at home, he had to put the wet things in the washing machine himself, fetch the cloth and cleaning spray from the cupboard, help clean up etc. Preschool made him go and get fresh clothes from the cupboard and didn't make a fuss of him / try to cheer him up, just be really boring about it. He realised that wetting himself had become in reality slightly more effort than going to the toilet, so he stopped doing it after a couple of months.

And don't let him go against a tree or in an alleyway - that's awful. Just get a small pouring container from Tupperware and carry it with you at all time - much nicer.

Eh, a pouring container? What is that? What's wrong with a small child having a wee in the gutter/ behind a bush when they are caught short?

Haha. DS is so stubborn I can't see him weeing in a container. But i do agree, it's not a nice habit to encourage al fresco weeing which is why I am trying to get advice so he learns the cues and goes at nursery/ at home/ in a loo rather than up a tree because he is so desperate.

I would stop asking/reminding - leave it completely up to him.

I wouldn't tell him off for wetting himself but would be a bit disappointed eg. "oh dear, it's horrible having wet pants" and get him to help with the clearing up, putting things in the wash, getting dry clothes.

Rewards for a day of dry pants.