Co-sleepers - how and when did you establish a bedtime routine, feel like i'm doing this all wrong?

[YellowCanary1]

ds2 is 4 months old. We've co-slept since day 1, and as he suffered from silent reflux it was our saving grace as it was the only way I could settle him. Now though I cannot get him to go down at night unless he is in my arms. If I put him in his co-sleeper he instantly roles over until he is pressed up to me. If once he is asleep I try and move my arm, he instantly awakes. He spends every night going to bed when I go to bed, and then sleeping in the crook of my arm.
In some ways I love this closeness and enjoy the bonding time. On the other hand my shoulder, neck and back cannot take this anymore, I wake up in agony every morning!
He feeds 5-6 times per night so I want to carry on co-sleeping but I would like to get him used to going down before I go to bed (some time with dh would be nice!) and being able to sleep alongside me not in my arms all night.
How can I help get more confident at sleeping on his own or will it just come naturally?
P.S. I know some people swear by it but sleep training techniques and CIO/CC are definitely not for us.

You really need to get the No Cry Sleep Solution. It is quite heavily focused on bf and cosleeping as that's that the author did with her 4.

I've used it for dd 5.5m who goes in her cot at 7, and now comes in with me about 2-4ish, slowly moving later. She does wake before then but quick bf and back off.

The main thing to start is to teach them to sleep without the breast in their mouth by removing it just before they fall asleep. Long explanation of how to do this without tears in the book. Then moving to putting down sleepy and then less sleepy.

Good luck. FWIW i would carry on cosleeping if i wasn't going back to work (away sometimes at night) but I'd still want dd to have some time sleeping alone, think it's v important for them.

Was going to post very similar to barberry.

My ds is now 2 and sleeps in his own bed with no problems. He was previously a nose to boob sleeper. He had to be touching skin.

He used to sleep in a 30 min sleep cycle, so I would replace myself with a blanket or already have his head on it. Then return just before the 30 mins. He would open his eyes, see I was there and fall asleep again. He eventually just slept longer and longer. It also helped that he would sleep pressed against dh, so my back could have a break sometimes. Dh did the bedtime routine from 6 months onwards. We never let ds cry.

Dd2 is now 4 months and sleeps in our arms downstairs in the evenings or on his chair (vibrating). I know it doesn't last and dh and I enjoy the cuddle . The main reason though is he is colicky, so we keep him upright for as long as possible and then he has a good night sleep.

What about a co-sleeper cot? I rented an NCT Bednest for the first 6 months which worked well but have just sent it back today as they say they are not safe to use once the baby can pull himself up. The next step for me was a spacesaver cot as he is still in our room for now. We built the spacesaver cot with only 3 sides for the time being and butted it up to the side of the bed, like the Bednest. We've rolled up a mattress cover to bridge the small gap between the two. The great thing is that, although I can't feed him whilst he's in the cot, I can just reach over and pull him into the bed for a feed and cuddle.

Like you, co-sleeping eventually started causing a lot of shoulder and back pain so now, if he's going through a phase of waking frequently, I put him in the cot and get him up for a feed in my nursing chair for the earlier feeds and then come about 5am I pull him over into the bed and feed and co-sleep until it's time to get up. This way, I can put him to bed earlier than I go to bed and then climb in right next to him when it's time for me to go to bed. If he wakes up in the night I can still put my hand on him and we can look straight at each other's faces which is reassuring for both of us.

We had ds in the living room with us in the evenings until he was 6 months.

I was expecting resistance when the time came to put ds to bed before us, we were happily surprised. He confidently slept alone in the evenings from the first evening we put him to bed and left him.

We have a full size cot attached to our bed ( with the side taken off, we also fitted the cot mattress so it buffers up to our mattress)

Our routine goes like this 5 family dinner ( usually ds gets pretty messy as we let him feed himself dinner, lunch is from a hard) we light candles and start calming things down. 5.20 bath or shower, sometimes with us in the bath with him, sometimes we just sit and watch him. We have candles and blow bubbles. 5.35 ds gets out of the bath, pyjamas and sleepingbag on, dp kisses him goodnight. 5.40 I feed ds to sleep, he is usually asleep within minutes.

We roll up duvets to make a duvet wall that ds probably can't climb over when he has the sleepingbag on.

Ds usually wakes up once in the evening, he doesn't tend to cry he just makes "ugh uh" sort of sounds as if he is saying muuum! Where are you?! I go in, tell him mummy is here its ok, I let him feed for a second and he goes back to sleep.

Ds wakes up sometimes in tge night but sometimes he sleeps through, if he wakes he feeds, sometimes he rolls over just before he goes to sleep other times he likes to keep tge nipple in his mouth.

I don't think it's a perfect night routine but it works ok for us :)

Pretty much exactly the same as misspontypine - I had him on me of an evening downstairs until he was about five months, then introduced a routine upstairs. We have a cheap Ikea cot attached to my side of the bed - one side comes off and it has two heights. So dinner at five, play and/or bath, change of nappy etc then upstairs, into sleepsuit and sack, mobile on, feed, cuddle, read.

I had proper anxiety about it to begin with and for months would stay upstairs with him until he was asleep and then creep out. Now - a week away from one year old! - I've been doing a combo of gradual retreat and PUPD. He will roll and crawl out of his cot onto our bed - even in his sleeping bag! - but I just place him back and say the same thing: ssssh, sleepy time darling, night night. I used to use my pregnancy pillow as a barrier but don't bother now. He's definitely getting it.

Co sleeping nighttime routines don't have to be any different from them having their own room. We have a gate across our room and baby proofed our bedroom. But we didn't need to lower the cot/bed for months and months. We intend to co-sleep long term so I needed to teach him he sleeps upstairs of an evening, and we come in later. Some nights he rolls into me for a cuddle, some nights he rolls over onto his other side with his back to me, like a little cuddly slug in his sleeping bag

I guess I am "training" him to an extent but it's nothing like CC/CIO. Gradual retreat and pick up/put down are very, very gentle. It's just about persistence more than anything. He knows what happens when he crawls out of the cot and into the bed - he gets put back - so he sometimes scurries back. I try not to stress if he's gurgling away to himself within the cot area. I just let him get on with it and only intervene if he comes out of the cot.

It really is trial and error OP. Four months is still very tiny and I would probably be thinking of the long game. He will learn in time and I think a nice, relaxed, comforting routine will definitely encourage confidence in a cot. You might be up there with a lot but personally, I tend to think that's a gentle way of teaching him this is the sleep area than just putting him down and going away. Just my personal opinion though!

This is our set up - I WISH that was my wall though! 4.bp.blogspot.com/_1B_iE_SHYkI/S8GxFs02L0I/AAAAAAAAACY/NpblSwMsPgc/s1600/side+crib.jpg

Not sure I can add much but can sympathise with the back ache - I co- slept with my 3 and stopped with DS when he was 14 months earlier this year. I had one of those l

Oops, hit wrong button
As I was saying...I had one of those l

Agh!

Those long breastfeeding pillows from John Lewis - it has beanbag filling. I slept with that behind me so I could lean against it and it was a Godsend. Bit of a hassle if you wanted to move but then the baby generally does that too!

Got there!

Thanks, nice to know I'm not unusual in this and a gradual approach seems to work. Sounds like one of those pillows may be a temporary answer, thamks lacking.

You're most welcome. I found it worked best with end between knees then nicely lined up behind you.

Best of luck with it - I never meant to co-sleep but so pleased I did.