Dominating friendship at nursery

[Tailtwister]

DS1 (3) is good friends with another little boy at nursery. He seems to really enjoy his company and the nursery staff say they spend all day together.

However, I have noticed that the other little boy has become very possessive over DS. I have observed him actively stopping other children playing with DS and when I turn up to collect him he drags DS off and tries to hide him from me and has on occasion thrown things at me (mud, bucket, spade) in an attempt to get me to go away. I'm very kind, but firm and say no, don't throw things and that it's time for DS to go home now but he'll see him again to play tomorrow.

Do you think this is cause for concern? DS1 isn't exactly a shrinking violet personality wise, but he does seem to defer to his friend. He also mentioned that his friend had hit him last week as he hadn't done what he wanted. He said he told the nursery staff about it, but although they said there was a disagreement between the boys they hadn't said DS had been hit.

WWYD? I'm going to mention it to the nursery at pick up today, but what approach should I take?

I would definitely mention the possibly too close for comfort friendship to staff. AFAIK teachers prefer not to encourage best friendships, because that will destabilise the group in a way..

I would go for an "could I get your professional opinion" and "could you keep an eye on this" approach, rather than telling them your conclusions and being really subjective about it, that way they will probably be more open to this and feel unthreatened.

Also, I wouldn't worry that they didn't inform you about the hitting. Don't they usually only log "proper" injuries with the respective parents?

And keep the lines of communication open with your son.

and maybe you could also make play dates with other kids from the group?

Thanks for the advice 2or3. I spoke to the nursery yesterday and they said they had noticed they are very close and do disagree on occasion. They do try to separate children a bit by doing different activities as a matter of course, so hopefully that should encourage them both to make other friendships too. They have also spoken to DS to ensure he knows to tell them if there's any hitting going on.

The play date idea is a good one and I will try to arrange something. He does have a few children he talks about.