how the hell do be a decent parent to a newborn and a toddler and breast feed ?

[rockyroadahead]

I have an 8 day old newborn and a 3 year old (next month ) this week ds has been on paternity leave however we can only afford for him to take the one week off so tomorrow he is back to work tomorrow very long hours and doesn't have a day off in the near future .
THe past week he has been Cinderella and mary poppins in one while I have been stuck on the sofa with my boobs out .... my toddler is already showing signs of behaviour changes refusing to sleep, doing things he knows he shouldn't and craving attention ! trying our best to handle it in the best way I can but today I am now becoming increasingly terrified as to how I am going to handle both children and be a good parent to both while feeding every hour ??

It's bloody hard! I try to let my 2 yr old dd cuddle me while I'm feeding ds if she wants to, or I sit her next to me and we read a book together, or I sit down on the floor and play duplo/tea sets etc with her while I'm feeding. It's certainly very different to when I fed dd and just gave her my full attention, this is one handed, awkward and likely to be interrupted at any time... luckily ds is very good at not minding too much.

Cbeebies is also put on when I just need to sit on the sofa and give ds a really good feed.

Talking to dd about the milk and where it comes from and how ds is drinking helps her to feel a part of it I think. I try and really involve her as I don't want her to feel pushed out because of it, but that does often mean she sits on my lap while I'm feeding!

Oh and it feels like you're just permanently feeding at the moment but in a few weeks it will be much easier. In the early days I'd go out a lot because I knew ds would sleep in his pram and I could focus on dd. It meant I did a lot more feeding in the evening once dd was in bed and overnight when I should have been sleeping but it also gave dd more time with me.

I'm afraid there is no easy answer though! I just stuck with it because I thought I'd hate to move to bottles and it still be just as hard but with extra washing up! Also I can bf standing up, walking around and with one hand free to do other things, don't think I could do this with a bottle.

I don't think I'm ever going to be as good a parent as I was when it was just dd though. I've had to lower my standards and think that what they miss out on in my parenting they make up for in having a sibling.

Congratulations! Firstly, regardless of whatever you do your toddler is likely to be jealous and act this out, he just needs to be given time to adjust to the new situation and in my experience, it may get worse before it gets better but just hang in there and when it's all awful just remember that in the long term you've given him an amazing gift in his sibling.

More practically, have you got a good sling and have you learned how to feed in it yet? That will help you to be more hands on with your toddler and allow you to get out and about more easily.

One thing I found helpful was to put together a box of new toys and to only get them out when I was feeding so they were new and exciting. Or buy some comics and say that you can look at them when the baby is feeding so he can almost look forward to that time. Obviously this is also a great time to read a book together too.

Your DH is back at work but he could still make lunch for both of you and leave it in the fridge before he goes to work.

In a few weeks breastfeeding will be more established and less time-consuming and it will get easier!

I have an ebf 5 week old and a 2.8 year old ds. It's hard and we have watched a lot more tv than usual!! I can manage to read to the toddler while feeding if he turns the pages and holds the book and he will play independently with his trains
Or fire Engines, but Tbh I just think he has Had To get used to the fact that he doesn't have me to
Himself any More and that's not a
Bad lesson to learn. I just keep
Telling myself That it Will get easier and it's only for a relatively short Time In the scheme of Things.

I know ff would Mean someone else could do it but really it would still be you most of the time and at least with bf you have a free hand whereas ff requires 2?