How to feel about DC2

[Eeeeh]

Dc2 is only days old but I'm feeling confused about how I do/should feel - I don't have any negative feelings but feel as though there's something stopping me from letting go and feeling all the love that I could, and should be feeling. I'd like to be able to be really enjoying this but it almost feels as if I'm cheating on dc1.

The first time round I was completely bowled over by the power of the love I felt for my baby and tbh I still have this strength of feeling.

I'd be mortified if anyone knew this was how I felt. How do I get over this and really enjoy this precious time?

I've been feeling a bit brighter in myself today - very much up and down though.

It's hard when ds1 wants me to play or just give him attention but I have the baby attached to me - a lot of my negative feelings are linked to bf this time. I'm resenting it for taking up so much time when I'm sure people who ff just seem to get a feed done and then that's it till next feed time. None of this business of being constantly on and off seemingly all day and night. Makes me feel gloomy about the next few weeks.

Anyway, I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and will take wherever is on offer - hopefully some counselling maybe? I know things have been better but there's still a cloud of sadness over my head, like I'm grieving for just being able to potter about with ds1 and our lost relationship.

Thanks for everyone's kind words and advice on here. It's been a huge support.

Ff is easier in that you can have a rest whilst someone else feeds your dc, but there is all the faff actually making it up, sterilising equipment etc. It's horses for courses really.
I ff both mine, for many reasons, but I won't say it was easy. Because I struggled to bond with dd I tried to make sure I still held her really close and hugged her whilst giving her the bottle, to try to "force" the closeness.
If you feel like you're having to hold your baby all the time, have you tried putting him in a bouncy chair or mechanical swing? I did that with dd so she'd a) stay upright after a feed and hopefully not vomit it all back up, b) go to sleep and stop crying and c) I had my hands free so I could talk to, play and read with ds. I also gave her a dummy (ds sucked his fingers) which helped soothe her enough so she'd sleep.

I hope it goes well tomorrow. Try to remember that every day that passes is a day gone by and another step closer to things getting easier.

My advice fwiw would be to stick with bf. Not because I'm militant about it, nothing wrong with formula. But because i felt the same at first, when i didn't have the bond, i resented bf and more than that i disliked that this baby was doing something so intimate when i didn't feel anything other than basic human concern for her.

As the bond grew i was so glad i had stuck with bf and indeed i think bf helped the bond too.

Nothing wrong with trying mixed feeding, perhaps at bedtime for your toddler so you can have 1 on 1 time?

Nothing wrong with deciding to ff of course but i don't think it's necessarily easier even now and certainly not longer term with all the sterilising and bottles faff.

Mainly though, i think if you give up bf when you're feeling like this you may really regret it further down the line. I know i would have.

And are you cosleeping?

I feed dd lying down and go back to sleep as soon as she latches on. Its the only way i could possibly function at first. It's only now we're moving towards independent sleeping. and i get a damn sight less sleep now when she's not snuggled in

I am worrying about this too (due next week) and from speaking to other mums I think it's normal. I am lucky that my elder child is at school full time so I feel confident I can spend the days giving the baby all my time and attention and then try and keep things normalish for my son after school. My partner finishes work early so I'm hoping I can still continue to do bedtime routine, story etc. without tooich disruption. I do wonder though how I will ever love anyone as much as I do my son. But I guess it must just come? I hope? X x