Adult son and cutting the apron strings

[vicadele]

My son is 35. Homeless and a heroin addict
He is due to go to prison next week. He told me he was going in this week but after phoning all of the prisons and courts oh and solicitors in his area I learnt that he is on bail again. His is thin depressed and suicidal I keep giving him money a swell as trying to keep a very stressful job. I am frightend to talk to him because his situation and asking for more money from me. Is it cruel to tel me he is going into prison but not calling me to say he is on bail? I can't stop thinking about him. Wondering where he is. He has been sleeping in a garage. I'm crying all if the time. How can I stop?
He is a father and not there for his children. I think I'm obsessed. I feel better if he has a roof over his head. I've been paying friends of his to put him up. They to have thrown him out. I would rather have a terminal illness than continue dealing with him.

I didn't want to leave this unanswered vicadele. I think you have done all the supporting you can, and now may be the time to cut him loose.

Remember: You didn't cause it, You can't control it, and You can't cure it. These really are wise words.

I hope things turn out for the best for you.

I'm not yet a parent (11 weeks to go!), but i wanted to offer this: my Mum is in a (much less extreme) similar situation with my younger sister. My sister has been on drugs, drinks to the point of having written off three cars and lost her licence through drink driving, is constantly being hounded by bailiffs & debt collectors, etc etc.
She doesn't bother to speak to Mum when she doesn't need something; it's cruel and self-centred, but Mum cannot CANNOT stop going back for more. She gives my sister money, support, food, everything she needs.
You're not abnormal for feeling this way, but I know from experience the pain and suffering it causes and I'm so sorry for your situation.

FWIW, and I know I may change my mind once I become a parent, I would cut him off financially/practically. You can do this and continue to love him. You can say 'I love you, but I'm not going to give you money/put up with your shit' any more.

I hope things improve for you, good luck.

Would him going to prison be a relief to you?