overexcited hyper child but is he naughty??

[peppajay]

My son is 5 and is quirky and unique and to put it bluntly from an outdsiders point of view- yes he can be very naughty. He gets extremely over excited in situations with lots of children ie school, sunday club, childrens events, birthday parties. He also lashes out and hits and pinches however he means no malice when he does it and is really like he doesn't know he is doing , this however has got much better than when he was younger. He is undergoing assessment for aspergers at the moment. He is also extremely bright and needs structure and focus all the time and he is definitely better this year than in reception due to the more formal structure of year 1. He loves school and loves being with other children but he is very impulsive and erratic and at home he is so compliant and quiet. Mentally and emotionally he hasn't yet learnt how to behave around other children. His teachers say his observational skills and his imagination are like nothing they have ever seen before and his sense of humour is like that of a much much older child!!! Anyway my concern is because of these little hitting incidents and the fact he gets so hyped up two parents have requested he doesn't play with their daughters (he never plays with boys and never has!!) he is extremely popular and every child in the school seems to know of him partly because 'he is the naughty one' and partly because of his quirky sense of humour. It just saddens me that other parents don't like him - we have had it before when he was little - we were banned from 2 toddler groups because of his behavior. His teachers love him and say he has them in stitches with his little ways and he is a joy to teach but he does have these issues but no way would they ever describe him as naughty. I have arranged a meeting to see his teacher next week. He has a very healthy diet and only drinks milk and water and doesn't like cake or sweets. He has the odd bit of chocolate and a few biscuits but nothing else. I just don't like him being known as 'the naughty child'. At home he is absolutely fantastic these issues only ever happen in situations with other children!!! Any advice welcome?? Thanks

Read the Explosive Child. Kids do well if they can. Yours sounds overwhelmed, but very talented to so lots of potential to learn the skills he needs.

I've no advice but he sounds great. My Ds is a bit of a hitter but he has got better because I just kept removing him from his friends every time he did it which was exhausting.

What do you do when he hits other children?

lashing out, hitting and pinching are all very effective methods of getting what he wants; although this behaviour usually has disappeared in reception aged children and older - what's his speech like?

Co ordination question coming up - running and jumping okay? Riding a bike? Handwriting roughly similar to peers?

Next question - following multi stage instructions; pop off your shoes, hang up your coat, get changed and hang up your uniform for tomorrow - is he able to follow?

He is so compliant and is fantastic at following instructions in the home environment. He always does as he is told at home. His handwriting is not as it should be for his age and this has been flagged up at school!! He enjoys going out and seeing other kids just doesn't seem to know how to behave around them. Other kids love him coz they laugh at his quirks it is just the parents who don't want him near their kids!!

That sounds quite puzzling.

Does he do what you ask at home right away no quibbling ie is he an alien from Mars?.

Did he get a lot of social contact with other children before starting school, and what about outside of school nowadays?

Either something peculiar about school environment is kicking him off or he's not half as well-behaved as you think. I tend to think DS3 is an absolutely angel, but then I see him at school & realise how much he does act up, it's just that he followed DS2 who was-is a nightmare.

Pedlars you expect a 5 year old to follow a 4 point list of instructions? I know plenty of grown men who would struggle/fail at that!

I wouldn't want my children playing with somebody who hits and pinches on a regular basis. It sounds as if he needs a bit more of the no we don't do that and less of what a wonderful clever and intelligent funny child he is.

Stella at the man jibe, strange thing to post

OP have you thought about Dyspraxia? The Dyspraxia Foundation has lots of info on its website. Just a thought.

And yes, I would expect a NT child age 5 to follow multi instructions on occasion.

All of his behaviour traits happen in situations with lots of people. One to one or within the family home he is fine this is why aspergers has been hinted at. Obviously people who know him really well know he can be well behaved i just find it hard that other parents are writing him off as being a horrible naughty boy. When I spoke to school about curbing these incidents and disiplining him for them they say it is hard because this is no malice in him and during work or input sessions he is very well behaved!!

I quite understand your concern that he is not labelled as a naughty boy, and the teachers are professionals who rightly avoid that label. However other parents would be justified in saying he was hard work, right?

In my experience children tend to behave well when out and in company and act up at home. This is because they are testing boundaries within a secure environment. It would worry me if it was the other way round, which it seems to be with your ds.

You definately need a strategy for dealing with the hard work behaviour... You haven't said what social situations he is in other than school.

Yes you are right pistalate my dd is a total nightmare at home but fantastic when out and on a daily basis she is far harder work than my ds coz everything is a battle. He is always happy just hyperactive and over excited when put in situations with other children. Out of choice he isn't particularly socialable and will choose to play on his own he has never played with boys of his own age always girls he loves school but is more the learning side of it. He goes to a Sunday club on a Sunday and he loves going but they can't cope with his behaviour he is the same at any if the community events we go to. Swimming lessons he is great and loves it never played up once but take him public swimming and he just splashes and jumps. Birthday parties are another one as he isn't particularly social he doesn't get invited to many as he only ever plays with these 3 girls, if it is a free for all bouncy castle running around party I don't take him anymore coz he runs around as if he is on speed but if it is a magician or entertainer he loves it. Party food is another one he hates cake and sweets snd fruit shoots and he gets really cross when there are kids drinking squash and eating cake near him so we tend to avoid!!