So help me god. ( 12 year old Ds)

[dingit]

I just despair of him
In detention today for arsing around in ICT.

Then it transpires he was late for school ( busted by dd). He walks. Leaves at 7.50, 10-15 minute walk, first lesson 8.30.

When I challenged him, he told me to shut up and stop banging on about nothing.

Wwyd?

My instinct is to confiscate xbox and tablet and make him do homework when he gets in. But it never seems to have any effect. This is his 2nd detention this term.

Tell him if he's late again you'll walk to school with him. (don't say this unless you can and would actually do it). If he's going to behave like an irresponsible little boy the consequence is that you'll treat him as such.

Yep, I did threaten to walk him to school. Just waiting for his form tutor to check the register, but dd is usually accurate with her tale telling!

He told you to shut up?!!

That was in the same boat as swearing in my home growing up. As a teacher I would never tolerate it either. Sorry OP but IMO your son needs punishment for his reaction to you as well as the lateness and the detention. Confiscating prized positions seems fairly tame reasonable for the detention. I would ground him for his language and definitely walk him to school. If he doesn't take you seriously you can always pick out your most embarrassing outfit for the walk... I'm thinking full on onsie, dressing gown and wellies but only if you would actually follow through on it!

haha Ribena!

I don't have a onsie, but it would be well worth getting one...

OP the detention IS the punishment. Some teachers just aren't that engaging. Maybe have a chat about appropriate ways of keeping amused but really leave the school to be the disciplinarians for what happens there. You're supposed to be on his side (and so is DD!).

newjewels What awful advice! Her son was rude to her, but she's supposed to be on 'his side'????

I meant about the detention as RibenaFiend seemed to be suggesting that confiscating items was appropriate punishment for being punished at school - the rudeness is separate and obviously not OK.

And yes, he is a relatively young child still. His mum is supposed to be 'on his side' always. Doesn't mean no discipline, does mean love and showing it.

I've reread the OP. Jewels, you're right, I was suggesting supporting the school's punishment at home by confiscating prized possessions but I made an assumption that it was a serious detention (after school or Saturday) as parents need to be informed of those and I now see there's no mention on that. You're right Jewels, the detention is the punishment and an in school detention is a relatively "mild" one too OP.

However the other two issues you mentioned, the lateness and rudeness. IMO do need addressing. Be it with confiscation, loss of privileges, being walked to school

Does he have trouble completing his homework? Would returning a gadget on completion of his homework actually help achieve something or could you "just" confiscate the X Box until a set period is up (such as a week)

NB there are a number of ways to "confiscate" a bloody huge console like that. The most effective way my mother found was to remove all the controllers as they're small and relatively easy to "hide" It keeps it on display reminding you what you've lost out on too however if he has friends over beware they may bring controllers!

DH sat down and had a long chat with him last night ( he listens to him more than me) A line has now been drawn under his misdeeds this week, with a warning there will consequences if he messes up again. And yes, I do take the controllers!

I lost it with him yesterday, as this week has been one thing after the other, including going AWOL after school on Tuesday. After calling school, I then found him happily playing with his mates in the park. The thing that really irritates me, is he had to walk past the bloody house to get there! Kids huh?

And he had two detentions, after school, and lunchtime for the lateness.