Really struggling to cope and stay sane with 15mth old's sleep antics.

[Itoro79]

Hi, hope some of you can offer advice or at least let me know I am not alone. My 15mth old who has never slept very well is getting worse but only with me. It is taking longer and longer to get him to sleep. Nap times for me,takes 75mins (with dummy), at nursery they say 10 without a dummy and at grandma's, the instant he is put in his cot. At night, it seems he just wants reassurance I am there so wakes every hr after 12 just for a quick hand hold (would be sweet if not exhausting) then will go back to sleep to wake again. If I leave him he goes ballistic and then we have a 40min fight on our hands to calm him down. Reaching the end of my limit, any advice gratefully recevied. Thanks

I strongly recommend co-sleeping, just bring him into bed with you and you will probably all get a good night's sleep! Are you still bfeeding or giving him milk on night-time wakings? If not, I would suggest trying that as well, he is still very young to be night-weaned. I think there can be far too much emphasis on unnatural patterns of separation and independence and if he just wants to be held by you, just hold him. Good luck!

And no, you're not alone. DD (2 next month) would be horribly upset if I didn't pick her up or feed her if she wanted it when she woke up at night, and she spends at least some of every evening (sometimes 1am onwards, sometimes 5am onwards) in bed with DH and me, we have lovely cuddles!

www.amazon.co.uk/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0863181228

I know a few people inc me this has worked for, but some don't like it. Don't know why.
If no joy, at least take turns
Good luck :)

I am coming at it from an opposite style from the poster above. The fact that he is able to settle at grandparents shows that he doesn't really need all the attention that he is recieving from you at bedtime and in the night and it is just learned behaviour - like you say cute but blooming exhausting!

Obviously if you are happy then keep giving the attention or offer co sleep or if not take a tougher line and do some sleep training - CC. 15 months isn't tiny anymore and they can cope with it but you have to decide to do it and be consistent - otherwise there is no point.

OP, as roweena notes, we are coming from very different prospectives. Sleep training, controlled crying and night weaning are techniques I researched and decided against using, "attachment parenting" (recognised after the fact) actually just came quite naturally so it is entirely up to you how you deal with comforting, consoling and nurturing your child. Certainly he isn't tiny any more but he is still undergoing biological changes very quickly and to my mind all the attention (i.e. nurturing) you can give would be a preferable solution than letting him tough it out on his own, when he doesn't actually have to.

But you can still be a nurturing caring wonderful mum and teach your 15 month old how to fall asleep on its own. CC is definitely not the devils work and is used by many many people with great results for both mother, child and the rest of the family.

Hate, hate , hate the term attachment parenting or 'gentle' parenting as it seems to imply that these folk are gentler or more attached to their children.

If you are happy to do attachment style then just go with it though - nobody is the same, different courses for different horses.

In these circumstances I'd do controlled crying. I wouldn't increase the time intervals between 'check-ins' though, I'd go in every two mins.

In my own experience co sleeping has worked in the very short term but always led to less sleep for everyone very quickly ! I don't see it as the panacea it is sometimes portrayed as. When co sleeping with my son he wakes me with every twitch - I end up putting a hand on him to get him back to sleep several times a night which means I never sleep properly

Personally I would act now to stop him expecting you to be there every time he stirs in his sleep which is what is happening - he will sleep better and so will you

A parents needs matter too - if he is sleeping with others he knows how to do it. It will be more tiring while you tackle it - but i would let him cry while going in and out - or you could try siting near the cot and shsh Ing - then gradually move out I te room ?

It sounds exhausting

But you could try co sleeping ... Maybe worth a shot if you don't want crying

One other thought - the prob again with co sleeping is it doesn't help with getting him to sleep - you know he can fall asleep without you there easily - so it's a skill he has - I would just put him down and walk away ! He will learn its the same as nursery ...

Question: what's the answer if your child won't co-sleep? Everytime we've tried it dd has simply climbed off the bed and started shouting/playing. It's then been impossible to get her back in the cot.
Definitely not the panacea for us!