4 yr old too boisterous

[JAMcCarthy]

I am having real trouble with my 4 yr old son. He is just too boisterous around other children and it is becoming a real problem. This morning when I dropped him at nursery the teacher asked if we could "have a chat" when I collect him later? I have talked to my son and explained that he mustn't be rough, we have reward charts etc. I just don't know what else to do. My daughter is 7 and the 2 of them have always played really well together but they are very active kids, not shy or retiring! Any tips or support would be gratefully received. We went to a kids party yesterday and I spent the whole time telling my son off and watching him like a hawk. I hardly slept last night worrying and then had the teacher today. Am at the end of my tether!

I think that at 4, you need to have black and white rules. Just saying 'be kind' or 'don't play rough' is too abstract. We have some 'golden rules' at home which are 'we never ever hit, push or punch'; 'we don't break toys or throw toys'; 'we don't jump on the furniture'. I have two boys, if they break any of these rules, there is NO warning, they have a consequence. The consequence depends on the child, but it's usually no tv or no computer (DSs are 6 and 7). Then you can have a set of softer rules, such as 'we have kind hands and don't snatch toys'; 'we share nicely and take turns', etc which really is only a warning and maybe a little consequence if they keep on doing it. My tip is, your rules have to be very clear, black and white, and be consistent.

Thanks, I think I am too soft. I do say "no hitting" "no kicking" etc but I need to have firmer consequences. What consequences do you find work best?

Initially it was taking a toy away and it goes on the fridge for a week (not an hour or a day, but an entire week!! - I am a meany!) then when they got older it's screen time. They always watch half an hour before going to bed, with a biscuit and bedtime milk. I started by taking away the telly time, and the biscuit if needed. I have even gone one entire week without telly for both of them when they really really really misbehaved. I didn't take away toys that they are emotionally attached to such as their bedtime teddy.

I meant half an hour of telly before bedtime

Sounds like I am way too soft!!