my son is a perfectionist and gets upset if things turn out below his expectations

[united4ever]

For example, he loves drawing but two minutes in he draws a line which is not quite right and so he wants to start again on a new piece of paper. Same with writing. When we read a book together if he cannot get the word and i have to help him he gets upset and wants to start the book again.

what to do? Should i let him start again and again? Is there any point in trying to get him to not give up on a picture when it goes wrong and if so how? He gets quite upset when his pictures etc don't turn out like a real picture from a book and there are lots of tears

Where does he get it from? Are you and your DH willing to try things and show him it's okay to make mistakes?

Personality wise its from my wife. My father in law is also similar and he looks a lot like him too. In terms of the way that we behave and the example we set I am pretty laid back and my wife is organised and so on but nothing extreme. My father in law is also really organised and efficient.....maybe he has his genes. I don't think we have set this example ourselves.

Maybe you don't realise it (or your wife). What I'd do is let him see you do stuff e.g drawing but it not looking like the real thing, making mistakes and making light of it (not in a forced way!) etc etc. also when he does get upset, comfort him but explain that we can always try again.

My ds gets annoyed at mistakes he makes but I try and stand back and leave him to it. He also quizzed me about getting things wrong and I say "it's just an accident" or "I'm just having a try" and he's started to copy me. He's, I suspect, younger than yours (ds is 4). I'vw been quite conscious of this though as DH and his family are perfectionists and certainly any mistakes are jumped on even in a nice way!

Good to know. My son is also 4. Will try making a few mistakes next time we draw and make light of it and say that i am just having a try. Thanks

I think this is a fairly normal feature of being 4. Don't read into it too much or make it into some big story as though it were a 'forever' character trait. I wouldn't see it as any more perfectionist than saying a 15 month old tipping out and refilling containers over and over was an obsessive-compulsive behaviour!

Having said that good advice. Just don't overinterpret. Be bright and breezy. Encourage a light attitude to mistakes and encourage perseverance and having a go.