Two month old will not sleep in cot or with us!

[TristanFarnon]

I have an adorable nine week old baby, who is just the light of my life. All day he is wonderful company and my lovely, funny little bug. He plays and smiles and is a joy to be with.

Night times are a struggle though. From day one he has refused to go in his cot for any length of time. If we get him at exactly the right moment, we can get him down for half an hour to an hour but when he wakes up he gets very upset very quickly. Most of the time he wakes as we put him down and cries til we pick him up. If we put him down anything less than deep asleep he will cry to be picked up. I dont pick him up for every tiny whimper, but I do think he is just too young to be left to cry.

During the day he will occasionally nap in his pram for a while, but usually sleeps on me. Anything for an easy life! I use slings a lot and he is generally a very happy little guy.

I have tried safe co-sleeping (just him and me in the bed, thin sheet, no pillows etc) and it doesnt work for either of us. He is half awake and grizzles and thrashes all night, so I don't sleep at all. Sometimes he will just refuse point blank to lie down in the bed and cries and complains til we get up.

Since he was born, DH and I have been getting by sleeping in shifts, while he sleeps on our chests or laps. This has meant both adults get the bare minimum of sleep, but it is really not a long term solution. We keep trying the co sleeping and placing him in his cot, but I really feel we are making no progress with either. I am really frustrated and just want to find a method that suits all three of us.

He is EBF, and is taking infant gavisgon to help with reflux. Before the gavisgon he threw up an awful lot and fed every hour to two hours. This seems to be working, and he is now occasionally going three to four hours between feeds overnight.

Anybody have any advice for us? Or even just reassurance that this too shall pass and I haven't broken my baby!

Will he sleep on his front?

Yes, propped upright on our chests if you see what I mean. It is how he is happiest, but I don't really want to leave him face down unsupervised until he can roll over.

We have him sleep in grobags to try and avoid the whole cold blanket shock thing.

Baby is only 9 weeks. I wouldn't be so hard on yourself! I went through exactly the same with mine and came out the other side. Hang in there!

Sounds a bit like it could be silent reflux. I had two babies (ds2 & ds3) like this, one I ended up sleeping on his side, not ideal. The other I got hold of an amby hammock - godsend, worked a treat.

It is reassuring to know it is not just us!

Reflux wise he has always been a bit of a "Happy Puker"! If he did have a touch of silent reflux as well, would the gavisgon help? We have a Dr review on Monday and I am thinking to ask to try something else. The gavisgon does seem to help with the puking, but it is an utter bastard to get into him. It really isn't designed for Breast fed babies. We give him it by syringe and end up wearing more of it than he swallows. Any suggestions of other treatments we could try?

If he's a happy puker then it may well not be not reflux at all - unfortunately doctors sometimes tell parents to try Gaviscon for want of anything else to say! Some babies just do sick up a lot, and as the Gaviscon's not helping I'd think about dropping it and see if there's any difference.

At this age I would definitely not expect him to go longer than two hours between feeds, and in fact some babies never do until they start dropping feeds altogether at 9 months. Do you feed him back to sleep every time he wakes up? My two DSs have both been awful sleepers periodically and feeding-to-sleep was the only thing that worked. Both DSs have wanted to be fed every 40 minutes all night during growth spurts, so unless he's throwing up literally all the time don't think to yourself 'oh he can't possibly be hungry'. If he has wind then it's possible there are latch issues and a breastfeeding counsellor might be able to help. (You could also try posting in Breast and Bottlefeeding.)

One other thing was that all three DCs have wanted to be warmer than the guidelines recommend (this is also the case with bathwater). DS2, who's 6m now, is currently sleeping in a vest, sleepsuit, 2.5tog grobag and a blanket, with a sheepskin underneath him.

I can also vouch for the Nature's Nest by Amby though - we used it for all three of ours and it's brilliant, especially as sleeping flat-on-their-backs isn't popular with most babies. Plus you can just bounce them to sleep.

To be honest, although seeing the doctor may reassure you there's nothing physically wrong, I would seek for other ideas than medication.

Can you get a monitor with a movement mat thing underneath and see if he will sleep on his tummy? Dd always slept better on her tummy.

hmm, I wonder if he is not a "happy puker" actually? Happy puker is when the vomit is not acidic/doesn't hurt as I understand it. However in his case it may be that the vomit is acidic, BUT you have managed it so well with the slings and holding him upright and gaviscon that he is not in any real discomfort (because the vomit never makes it upwards) and so he is happy in the day. But at night if you try to lay him flat it does cause him discomfort. Could that be the case?

Some suggestions:

1. Is he very windy/ farty? does he seem to have a poor latch/swallow lots of air when feeding? if so it's worth getting a bf counsellor to check latch and check for tongue tie. tongue tie can often cause reflux like symptoms as the air swallowed pushes the acid up. DD was like yours, would only sleep on us, due to a bit of reflux and a lot of wind - turned out both were caused by tongue tie.

1. if you can afford it, the cocoonababy looks fantastic for this situation. I have never tried it but would have if i had found it when dd was tiny.

have you tilted his Moses basket?

1. wait it out and learn to sleep semi sitting up.... I managed this for 3 months using lots of pillows, DH would then take over from 5-7 to give me a chance to stretch out. DD began to sleep in her basket (tilted and lying on her side... and with numerous wakings) from about 12/13 weeks iirc.

1. Ranitidine is a lot more effective esp for BF babies than Gaviscon.

1. Agree with being warmer than the guidelines. Also try wrapping him in a blanket before settling him to sleep, and transfer him still wrapped.

Good luck - it will pass in time.