Want another DC...

[Cosmo89]

But can't at the moment. And I appreciate that for some people it's never and I feel very blessed to have one.

I need to finish study (another year), get a job with good pay and maternity rights and stay in it long enough (2-3years) shall be nearly 40 and my son will be 4-5

I just feel sad that he won't have a sibling closer in age. And I worry that waiting that long might mean a 2nd isn't possible - who knows what will happen.

I just feel unaccountably broody - which is mad because I found the early months so hard with DS....

Sorry for moaning

Honestly, you will regret this.

I have 2 friends who did exactly the same for their careers etc and they bitterly regret it and kick themselves regularly. Funnily enough they have one boy each too!

I know it's not what you want to hear.

Is there no chance you could work on your career after? Just from my 2 friends point of view - they can't have children now, no choice there and can't believe they chose their career.

I have a few friends who did study and pass exams while pregnant and with small children. Is that possible in your case?

No. It's the money. We can't afford to live on just one income for a year, even for less to be honest.

When I finish (in a year) will have at least a year of piecemeal work before being (fingers crossed) able to apply for something more permanent.

I'm not thinking of my career from a selfish point of view- without this we won't have a good standard of living or any prospect of one for the future.

I wish it wasn't like this but I can't think of any other way round it...I changed career when I was 33, and returned to study in order to do so, so I'm on the bottom rung.

um it doesn't sound like the OP is waiting in order to work on her career, it sounds like financially she needs the maternity pay?

however OP are you sure it will be 2-3 years before enhanced maternity rights kick in? it depends on the company, some it's a year, some (public sector) you get maternity benefits from day 1 just as long as you're not pregnant when you start. Of course unfortunately it's very hard to find out mat package while interviewing....

cross posted.

sorry, am with redface. thre is no right time, but after 40 may statistically be the wrong time.

I'm sorry for posting with no possibility of advice helping / I just feel a bit glum about it tonight.

Usually you have to be in a job for 26 weeks in order to get mat pay. Big companies / public sector orgs generally publish their contractual policies on their websites. Have friends who both got pregnant within 6 months of starting new job ( as did I, come to think of it!) got full maternity entitlement. Don't think you necessarily have to be in post a couple of years. In your position, I would start TTC after 3 or 4 months in a new post.

I'm calculating 2-3 yrs after finishing study because I will have to do quite a bit of short term contract stuff before I'm eligible for any permanent post.

It sucks

Focus on the positives OP. You are doing something really positive for your family by studying and starting in your career.

LOADS of women have healthy babies at 40 and beyond, just look at some of the threads on here. I have friends who didn't even start their families til 40 and have 2 and 3 now. And a 4/5 year gap will mean you ge a little helper on tap, less jealousy and some lovely 1 on 1 time with your baby when dc1 is at school.

Yes it would be lovely to indulge those hormonal urges, but you're using your head and want to be able to provide for your family. Good choice IMHO. If it was about your career building I'd say put it on hold, but it's not, it's about putting food on the table and paying the bills.

Enjoy your dc1 and throw yourself into your studies and job hunting. The few years will fly by and even at 40 you are still more likely to be able to have a healthy pregnancy than not. Don't let the broodiness spoil those years, enjoy them for what they are, and enjoy the time you have with dc1 as an only, it's very special and you'll miss it when it's gone.

I'm with redface too. Waiting till your 40 is incredibly risky and it may never happen.
I'm currently trying for number 2. It will probably mean I can't work after dc2 and goodness knows how we'll manage financially. But my desire for a second child comes first. I cannot risk waiting too long and not having another child; it would break my heart! Whatever happens we will do what we have to do, we will manage.
I'd follow your heart on this one. There really never is a good time. Good luck with whatever you decide, it's a tough decision. Xx

Ultimately it comes down to which is the worse risk to take, not having a second DC or having a second but not being able to afford a reasonable standard of living, not just short term but long term. Sounds like the OP has decided the second outcome would be worse, which is a perfectly reasonable decision.

Barberry - thank you!!! Good to know how to live well with the choices you make... And I know it is a choice, just doesn't feel like one.

Seb - completely respect your decision and very jealous -I've been told 'there always a way' financially ( not that I can see one) but thinking about it practically...it's made me realise my anxieties would just be horrendous and probably spoil any DC 2 earlier years through worry.

It is a risk.., but I'm just going to have to try to limit it by staying healthy and happy. And ignore my biological clock.

It's good that DS is - in a completely non biased way of course- AMAZING. He he he.

Have you considered adoption? Lots of children in need of responsible parents like you :)