my daughter is breaking her heart and I don't know what to do

[tinyturtletim]

I recently cut my very toxic parents from my life, it has taken a very long time to see through everything they do that is wrong I tried to distance and set boundaries but it got worse my mother was unimaginable cruel towards me.

My dd 3.6 was very very close with them, she went there every weekend and they share a bond with her like I do, for the first few weeks she didn't notice they were not around however in the last week her behaviour has become very poor she has done things she would never usually do,

Then the last two days has sobbed her heart out and eventually told me she wants nannie and grandad I tried to explain but made it worse.

What do I do? My heart breaks for her

As someone who also has had to cut out her incredibly toxic parents, I would say hold your ground. Would you want your DD to be treated the way you were?

Children are incredibly adaptable, and one day you'll be able to tell her exactly why you did what you did. I'm lucky in the respect that I have cut them off before DD could really remember who they are, but there was no way on earth I could take the chance of history repeating.

Some unmumsnetty hugs, this must be horrible for you xxx

Oh sweetheart that`s so awful and must be very distressing for both of you.

I would also stick to my guns though. You are protecting your family from abusive people. It is so hard, I have also gone nc with members of our family so I understand.

We had an arrangement where they saw each other which they ruined, and I lost a very dear friend as a result of.

I have racked my brains to try make this better but I justhave no idea how I can, I didn't really think she would understand but she does and it is tearing her up inside.

She is being bloody awful towards me, which I am trying to be fair about but it is pretty bad, she drew a massive crayon line on her carpet something so out of character I didn't even know how to deal with she tells me she doesn't love me. .

I feel like I am grieving for the good side of my parents which I love very much, but am also deeply hurt and torn apart inside

Now I fear I have caused dd pain and it makes me want to let her go to see them but it is such a cost emotionally wise.

Op you are the grown up and you have taken a decision she doesn't like but that is her interests. That's part of parenting - you have done the right thing and her not liking it and being hurt doesn't change that.

There are so many occasions where children can't see the bigger picture and may feel sad - moving house, divorce etc - life will contain pain but that doesn't mean it will always hurt! She will get over this - I think you need to be very age appropriate - don't expect her to understand too much

Can you get some counselling for yourself to help you through this if you haven already ?

Remember - you haven't hurt her, they have. You are stepping in now to stop the hurt getting worse.

Thank you water you are completely right and I think Iddefinitely need to 'man up' a little bit I just want to sheild all the pain and make sure she is ok but that isn't always possible I know.

She is so angry and upset and its being aimed my way, so I feel very guilty I know its being mum and we have to shoulder the strain its just so hard with all the other pain I am feeling.

I think I need some counselling