Emotionally exhausted, determination drained and willpower wilted- help needed!

[EnglishRose1320]

I have an 8yr old Ds who still has massive tantrums- for hours. Hates change, hates anything out of the norm and controls the household. I know I have given in too often and am now setting a more structured discipline in place but it is exhausting me! Need support and advice so I don't give in.

Thanks for replying. He is too old for HV. Our last GP tried to refer him to CAHMS but was told it had to be multi agency- which is tricky when no other agencies are involved, school did help out but he is fine in school, well behaved- they have only ever seen his tantrums on a school trip and when the lunch orders were wrong. Had just got I the stage of being able to talk to a CAHMS advisor when we moved house and now we have to start the process again rather than just move the appointment to the new school :(
I think it is a mix of something that isn't my fault- his character/personality and my fault for giving in/ no routine/ lots of changes.
I am happy to stick to things even if it wares me down but I hate getting embarrassed by his behaviour- new neighbours have just complained that our children are noisy :(

I should be doing house work whilst I have an empty house but the tantrums last night drained me- currently crashed out on the sofa.

I am always tired now, only a few hours sleep a night , lack of energy makes it so much harder

Yes my 3yr old is so easy compared to my 8yr old. If he misbehaves he responds so quickly to the consequence, that just doesn't happen with my 8yr old. I am dreading home time tonight when I am sure another tantrum will begin the minute he remembers which privileges he has lost as a result of last nights tantrum :(
Thanks for replying again QTpie, I am going to brave trying to take him to a new doctor- this has to be one of his biggest 'no go' areas though so the tantrums involved will be very draining.

I shouldn't feel this stressed and anxious at the idea of picking him up from school- I have to be positive, I can stick to displine and he needs me to

just wanted to say hang in there. Am just starting a process of getting our 4yo DS assessed and am pretty horrified by the bewildering and frankly opaque system that seems to involve an awful lot of duplication, unclear processes and chances for things to get missed. Is your DH ? DP around? Are you maintaining consistent rules on the small things? Is there a room or a place he can have his tantrum and leave him to it so the little one and you don't have to bear the brunt? Best of luck anyway

Thanks fairylights.
DP is around part time- works abroad 4 weeks then home for 2 weeks.
So far so good this evening- no tantrums from home time till now, however he isn't asleep yet- often doesn't sleep till 12/1 ish- hopefully wont be that late tonight

No real tantrums last night- slight grumble about going to bed and didn't fall asleep till 11 but by far not the worst night. Now I've just got to try and get him up for school!

So so tired today- very draining weekend

I have a 7yo DS who also tantrums sometimes and can be violent towards his siblings. I think he finds it hard to communicate since his speech is not as developed as it should be even though the SALT said it was fine. His vocab is definitely not extensive enough. I feel that because of this he tends to act in immature ways for his age. I also was not firm enough and gave in too much until recently when I've stepped up on the discipline in the house and it is bloody hard!

Can I ask, why does he go to sleep so late? Could it be that hes so tired that the tantrums come more often?