how do i deal with DD's drama queen tendencies

[oktobervest]

DD is 5 mostly adorable but can be SUCH a drama queen. I find it really difficult. When something doesnt go her way (at home, not sure about school) there are shouts, screams, tears, throwing of self on floor, wails. Apart from realising there's a scholarship to drama school in the future, how do I deal with this? I find it v difficult. Also sure - as someone will point out - it's probably to do with my parenting. I've tried to ignore it, but don't always manage it. I don't know what to do. Does this pass? How can I change it? :(

Walk away and leave her to it. When she's calm, ask her if tantrumming got her what she wanted (the answer to this should always be 'No' BTW!). The ask her if it was worth all the energy, sore throat and wasted time. It'll take about 3 years, but the lesson will eventually sink in

Oh, and you can guarantee that she doesn't behave like that at school. She'll be a wingless bloody angel there!

poledra THREE YEARS????? pours large glass
Thanks for the advice. I must learn to walk away. I sometimes find it hard to see what is genuine heartbreak and what is tantrum....

Personally, I dislike the casual 'stop being such a drama queen' phrase - so I hope you don't do it.
I had as a child, and still have as an adult, very strong emotional responses to some situations. They were born from a conjunction of various occurrences, conflicts, frustrations etc that other people might have reacted to but I didn't ... Trying to be the angel that was expected. So... It might have seemed to outsiders that the littlest thing caused an inapprpriately violent reaction, but I can tell you that the dismissal of my feelings as being 'drama queen'wish cut like a knife, and invalidated all the feelings that I had going on.

Just another perspective for you

Agree cosmo89 it's not a phrase I'd ever use to her. And am well aware that I don't want a child to feel they always have to be a 'good girl' and not express their feelings. But equally how does one balance that and not end up with a child who throws a tantrum over the smallest thing...? Eg because her sibling has got in the bath first....I'm asking how I parent better?

I have one DK (yes it's a boy) and 3 who are not DQ/Ks. So tell me how did my parenting cause that?
We just carry on as normal (shrug it off). Unless we see real blood. I am from California so I have Laid-Back honed to a fine art.

DD is prone to overwhelming anxiety outbursts, but at least it's always about something real.

Similar experience as cosmo here. It might be an over-reaction, the trigger might be a pretext, but the feelings are real. It's possible to listen to feelings and give them their proper place without giving in to demands.

I always like the 'narrating of feelings' while a big tantrum is going on. You're not trying to reason with an unreasonable child (a tantrumming child is incapable of reasoning logically), you're not trying to 'solve' things, but you're just letting them know you understand and are there. So saying stuff like "you feel really angry" or "you feel really frustrated"

And afterwards you could talk it through not by condemning the behaviour or reaction, but by saying something like "You felt really frustrated when I asked you to switch off the TV" or whatever. It doesn't really matter if you get it wrong (e.g. she wasn't frustrated but was angry instead, or sad or whatever), it's more about showing understanding for her big, scary and overpowering feelings/reactions.

Also please don't label her as a drama queen. Speaking as an adult who had that flung at her head time and again during childhood I can tell you it's very damaging. Labels are self-reinforcing.

I know you have joked about drama school, but since sending my dds to a once a week drama/dance club they have become significantly less dramatic at home!!!

They seem to use it to get their need to perform out of their system.

Good luck!

Ah crossposted, I wrote my reply when cosmo's reply was the last one.