When you can't find your child.

[prettycandles]

Although this was triggered by Hulababy's awful experience, I've started a new thread because I don't want to sound in any way critical of her.

Until ds was about 3yo, whenever we were in a busy or distracting place, he was either in the buggy or wearing reins so that I could keep hold of him. I have always told him to stay/play where he could see me, in the hope that he wouldn't wander off out of sight, because I think that 'Don't go too far' is meaningless to a young child.

A couple of days ago, at Brent Cross with ds, I saw two little girls, about 4yo, walking hand-in-hand along the main mall, one of them sobbing bitterly for her mummy. No-one seemed to be paying them any attention, so I stopped them and asked them if they could see their mummy, they said they couldn't. A security guard had spotted them (thank goodness!) and came and took over. A couple of minutes later I saw a frantic woman rushing out of a shop calling for someone; it was, of course, the girls' mother, and I told her where to find them.

This incident made an enormous impression on ds, who had been walking perfectly nicely with me until then, but decided he was now going to hold my hand. I took advantage of the opportunity to teach him that, if he can't see me when we go out anywhere, he should stand or sit still and look around for me. If he stays still I can come and find him, but if he runs around to look for me then I might not be able to find him, just as happened to the two little girls.

I was in Police Custody three times in 1970 (2-3yo). My mom had more trouble with me than my brothers (twins). Because they minded and I was devious & learned how to open locked doors & ran off (usually stark naked) at every opportunity. One time my mom had to beg the police to bring me back home without taking me to social services (my mom WAS A CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES social worker herself). I must have driven her crazy.

And I didn't stop until the last time when in exasperation my dad spanked me (first & only time).

Azure - the stranger danger book is fantastic, but not really suitable for a 2.5 yr-old. At that age I would just try to impress on them what to do if they are lost ... i.e. NEVER leave a shop, always go and ask someone in a uniform for help, or someone with children. Tell them that you will be looking for them, and they should stay where they are and scream, and you will find them.

I think virtually all parents will have had some sort of experience like this by the time their children are grown. Dh's sister disappeared in a shop when she was three. They didn't find her for several hours, when they discovered she'd been taken by a lady from a nearby mental hospital.

And I once lost 1yo ds2 and didn't even know he was missing! A small child knocked on my door one day and asked me if the baby crawling up the middle of the road was mine. Eeeeeeek - it was. It doesn't take much imagination to understand how horrified I was.

Oh my god Suedonim; both stories are terryifying, especially the first

Unsurprisingly, FIL (but not MIL!) was always paranoid about making sure the children were practically glued to us, Hulababy. Although in some ways, it sounds worse than it was, because the lady had a history of taking children, which the police were aware of, and it was highly unlikely she would ever harm them. She was just what was called 'simple' in those days, poor thing.

Did anyone hear on Jeremy Vine about that lost child, yesterday? Apparently he got lost in a department store so his mum asked them to put a tannoy out for him. But they refused to make an announcement because to say his name (or hers) in public would break the Data Protection Act, or so they reckoned! Also, once she had reported him missing they more-or-less held her against her will and wouldn't allow her to go and search for him. He did turn up eventually, but for goodness sake, the world's gone mad....

YES I did; meant to post her about it. Heard it on way homes from Leeds - after DD's adventure. Shocking isn't it? I really can't understand how it'd break the DPA though - isn't that just applicable to stored data not calling out a name in a shop with parent's permission. The world is mad!

my dd1 fortunatly stays close to me. if she does run off, she shouts for me to come find her and then we play. thinking about it i should teach her what to do if she gets lost, it has never happened yet, but i know one day it might.
i used to work in a supermarket and always found lost children wandering the ailse. my little cousin was quite devious, she used to live across the rd and comer in saying sher was lost so she would get fussed and get sweets off the checkout people. it all stopped when i walked her home after she tried it again. apparently it had been happening for a while but that was the first time on my shift.

Against Data Protection Act?!!!!!! FFS! Data Protection Act is about STORING data! It's hardly being stored when a name is announced over a tannoy!

You're right, the world is insane.

There are some really frightening stories here. I'm far more paranoid in town than I am when we're out walking the dog, or whatever, but I guess I'm being more vigilent as there are fewer distractions. I'm fortunate in that I have a very sensible 5 year old who will mostly hold hands. I still don't take my eyes off him though. Dd stays in the buggy or has to hold hands, mine or ds's, and for the most part she is pretty good. But as has been said, it only takes a second.

I was horrified today to see a couple of little girls, aged about 8, playing, unsupervised, on a little triangle of grass right beside a busy roundabout. It amazes me how relaxed some parents are about this kind of thing.

There's a family who live down our street with 8 children. When they reach the age of about 3yrs old they are allowed to wander round the estate by themselves. Sometimes the 6yr old girl is allowed to take the baby out by herself. Social Services are very heavily involved with the family but don't seem to want to do anything about it. It's truly horrifying. I know some people like to give their children freedom but this is a step too far IMO. What are SS thinking of??

Haven't had a chance to read all of these but wanted to say that, because of having a non-verbal autistic child I am very aware of safety and ID when he is out somewhere unfamiliar. I got some great tuff-paper ID bands from GLTC ages ago that you write on to say child's name and a phone contact (your mobile). They're brightly coloured, can be worn around the wrist or poked through a button hole etc. After the daytrip just tear them off and throw them away. I haven't seen them in GLTC recently.
Boots also produced something similar but re-usable in cahoots with Good Morning or GMTV (can't remember). To get these you had to ask a member of staff for them specifically, they were free, but tucked behind the counter. Don't know if they still do them.
The above are suppsed to be for "typical" (i.e. normal) children, not necessarily children with special needs.
I also keep those clear plastic things my husband gets when he visits a posh office, you know the things with a Visitor card inside. He's supposed to give them back but never remembers. You can type up a business-size card with child's name and your mobile number. They usually have a pin or clip or you can stick a safety pin through them and pin inside a pocket.
Lastly, there are some recordable devices on the market where you record a short message giving phone number etc. I bought one for £15 in Sainsburys a while ago but gave it away to a friend in need. THere are others around.
Then there's satellite tracking.......!!! but you might end up taking a setllite home instead of a child
I think any child having their parent's mobile number somewhere on them is essential in busy places.

Some great ideas Davros. I noticed that in Disney theyy give out children's ID for them to wear with name and phone numbers on with tickets. It is a good idea.

Imperfect, I have absolutely no criticism to make of you - whoever you are - or of any of the mums. I daresay I, too, will lose track of my child at some point, and go through the horror. It's been very easy for me so far, as I've only had one to keep an eye on until now, and he's a relatively easy-going sort.

I was just airing my anxiety over what had happened, and putting my view over on how I do things. There was a thread last year lambasting those of us who use reins; I didn't consider that to be a criticism, just a different way of doing things.

I once 'lost' my 4 yr old in Mothercare world - I went straight to checkout and told them - they shut the doors, security came to the doors and everyone searched ... there she was siting yards from where Id lost her, in a toy car thingy

RagDoll, I had an identical experience in Mothercare World. Awful. Still makes me shake to think about it. They were very good though. DS didn't understand what all the fuss was about & why Mummy was crying.

Message withdrawn

I lost Ds1 at Drusillas Zoo when he was 3. We were with a big group of mums and kids, and he ran off following some of the older kids who were allowed to go on ahead. Our big problem was that he didn't think he was lost, so he wasn't crying and there was so many other children there that no one realised he was on his own. Luckily some of the older kids found him and bought him back, but he was gone about 15 minutes.

I now make sure that when we go somewhere like that, they always have my mobile number on them somewhere, even if I've had to write it on their arms in biro I also make sure they know MY name, so that any tannoy can ask for me, rather than 'mother of X'. Both of them know to look for a person in uniform or a mummy with children as well.

My DSs are fine with just me, it's when we are out with other people that they tend to leg it!