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Parenting

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Original poster

I can't deal with my poo withholding toddler!!!

14 replies

HairyPorter · 01/10/2013 09:24

Aaaaargh! He won't poo in his nappy / pants /loo! All day he grimaces and withholds poo and I'm having to change him constantly as he's got a permanent shitty bum. He now has a nappy rash too. He's in pants during the day and fine with wees. He was fine with poos too till about two weeks ago. I'm losing my patience with him!! Have tried stickers and chocolates to no avail. Have tried backing off again to no avail. Help!!!

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noblegiraffe · 01/10/2013 19:51

Putting them on the toilet and getting them to blow bubbles is supposed to help.

If you went to the doc they might prescribe lactulose but that's for constipation. What I found really helped for withholding was glycerin suppositories.

Or sit him on the toilet and tell him he needs to do a poo and his tummy will hurt if he doesn't and don't let him get off till he produces the goods.

Purplehonesty · 01/10/2013 19:58

Ds did this and wouldn't go for days.
Turns out he had been constipated once and when it came out it hurt so he was scared of going again.
We took it in turns to sit with him in the bathroom, him on the loo and us on the bath and make him laugh til he did a poo. When he finally did one we would pretend to fall in the bath and he used to laugh like a drain!
Blowing bubbles is a good one to try too.

bundaberg · 01/10/2013 20:00

does it help if you leave him with no pants/trousers on?
my lot were all really funny about going for a while if they were wearing anything :-/

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CreatureRetorts · 01/10/2013 20:02

Does he poo in a nappy?

BikeRunSki · 01/10/2013 20:04

Ds did this. I started a thread and had some really good, helpful replies. I can't search for it right now, I have phone in.one hand anfmd The Amazing Non Sleeping Toddler in the other. But search under my username, the word "withholding" and October 2011 and you should find it.

Original poster

HairyPorter · 02/10/2013 06:24

Thanks for all the responses.

We've tried sitting with him but even when he's on the loo and a poo is imminent, he gets distressed and 'sucks' it back in!! Tried leaving him to it, again no joy.

Will try bubbles and the poo books suggested in bikerunski's thread.

Is it worth trying lactuose? I think he had gotten constipated a while back and maybe that's what has sparked this whole episode off? He's definitely not constipated at the moment- he has very normal (but large!) looking poos, and they seem soft, not the little pellets that you get with constipation.

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Rosa · 02/10/2013 06:32

We had this ...saw it in the potty went nuts and held it back then it hurt and got scared. We went the loads of veg, prune juice , kiwis and then over here you have like these olive oil supositries which basically help to 'slide it out' which was a last resort. We only ever put her on the loo after that and lowly and surely it worked. We resorted to meds only once when she haddn't gone for 3 days and was in obvious pain. Also everytime dh and I went for a poo we made a point of telling her ...her dolls and teddies went a few times as well
Incidently the poo block came back when dd2 was due and born but lasted only 2 weeks .

CreatureRetorts · 02/10/2013 06:35

I remember DH sitting next to ds when he got "poo fear" and having a little chat saying that sometimes poo was a bit tricky but it should come out, you just have to wait a bit. Maybe pretend to give him magic medicine that will mean it won't hurt? I used to put sudocrem in the area (using a tissue) and tell him that would help. And after a while he was ok again.

Also we used fig syrup on the advice of the GP - to soften them up when they did get hard.

Original poster

HairyPorter · 02/10/2013 17:59

Hooray for 'poo goes to pooland!' There was a lot less cajoling today and DS was really pleased with himself for helping poo get back too pooland! Im really hoping things continue to get better..... Thanks again for all the responses! Blowing bubbles etc didn't work and neither did entertaining him, as he was genuinely terrified of pooing! I'm keeping him very well topped up with fruit, veg and fluids and will be extra vigilant about constipation from now on.
DS has just announced he wants to go to pooland with the poo!

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Original poster

HairyPorter · 07/10/2013 17:46

Ah bollocks. It worked for 2 days in a row. We're back to withholding poo for the past 3 days. I have given him some lactuose today. He's clearly desperate to poo but denies this and is getting very distressed by the fact that he clearly needs to poo! It's quite funny really. It's going to be a whopper when he finally caves in I think... I've concluded it's a power thing and he is trying to engage in a power struggle with ?me ?his poo.... I've stepped back completely as he's very vehement in insisting he doesn't need the loo and just say nonchalantly 'that's fine, but if you want to do a poo just tell me and I can help you, but its up to you wether you do a poo or not'. Any opinions on whether this is the right / wrong tack? Pleading with him, rewards and explaining why we need to poo etc doesnt seem to go anywhere I figure I may as well conserve my energy... We've also tried several other poo books (only read while he's on the loo, I don't bang on about poos 24h a day!) and a cars toilet seat in the past week but no luck.

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Original poster

HairyPorter · 13/10/2013 14:49

Bumping in case anyone has any ideas.....

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Nevercan · 13/10/2013 14:54

I hold my dd2's hands whilst she is doing a poo - seems to reassure her that what is happening is ok

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 13/10/2013 14:59

This book is good. It will help you to understand what's happening and deals with how to manage it. It's usually available through the library and/or kindle.

My dd went through a phase of doing it and it was because of pain caused by constipation and fear of it happening again.

Original poster

HairyPorter · 15/10/2013 06:33

Thanks showofbloodystumps I got it an read it in half hour! Wasn't expecting it to be so short!! It made for interesting reading. I hadn't considered using negative reinforcement at all with the potty training (besides telling him its better to go in the loo) but that is what the book suggests and I tried it yesterday, with some success!

I felt DS was a bit too young for some of the techniques suggested (washing his own poo pants! ) so instead used the threat of no 'in the night garden' unless he had his poo in the loo. I also set up a bowl with rewards in (chocs and hotweels cars) and told him he could choose a reward after his poo.

He did do a poo in the loo (hooray!!) and it was clearly easy and painless and he wasn't distressed by it. But then he did one in his nappy after that too!! I think he was trying to hold it in unsuccessfully (thanks to lactuose). And so I took away his reward (he chose a car) and put it back in the bowl. I think that really drove the message home and he seems very motivated to use the loo after that. Fingers crossed for today!

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