Losing patience with 8yr old and food.

[Bellini28]

First time posting here so sorry if this subject comes up regularly.
My eight year old DD is driving me insane with her picky ways. I cook almost every day plus there is always chopped fruit etc available in the fridge (though she can be very picky about that too) My problem is her attitude. She makes her mind up about something before even tasting it. Our diet is fairly wholesome and varied but not so extreme where flavours are repellent to a child. My feeling is she is just being a precious madam and would happily rotate her three favourite meals, combined with certain fruit, yogurts etc.

I have wondered if I am being too hard on her but she really is annoying me. So much so that after the same performance over lunch I have confiscated her Nintendo. Am I being too hard? And any suggestions? It really is such a regular thing. I am so tired of making separate meals for her and pandering to her tastes especially when my cooking is decent. It has got to the point where I dread her face at mealtimes. Anyone else had experience with this?

I don't see why people assume that those of us who won't cook separate meals are forcefeeding our children things they don't like.

I tend to plan the weekly menu so that some meals will be food we all like, some will be meals ds likes better than me and some meals I like better than him. We all accept that on a day when you don't like the food so much you may not eat so much but make up for it at the next meal. Or you'll eat more potatoes and less meat. Or decide that you are so hungry that you will eat the thing you don't like. Or whatever. We just don't worry about it.

Not everybody gets stressed out every time a family member doesn't eat exactly the right amounts. Some of us barely stress about food at all.

Why assume that everybody is obsessed with making their children eat?

Absolutely cory, that's how it is in our house.
Though I don't allow ds to help himself to chocolate and refuse his dinner, and this sometimes causes tantrums. But this is the only 'food issue' we have! If he's hungry, he eats - if he isn't, ok.

I don't agree with the dcs having as much say in the menu as the adults in the household. Partly because dcs tend to be fussier than adults - they are still learning to accept new tastes and it's the parents' job to teach them.

Also the rule in our house is that the adults make the rules. The adults have to do most of the cooking! I tell my dcs that when they are grown up and have their own house I will come and visit them and they can decide what we all eat.

This is of course flexible and I try to cook meals I know everyone likes at least some of the time, but with 3 dcs it's not fair to pander to one or the other. The people I know who pander to their dcs as regards food tend to pander in many other areas too.

My dcs get to choose the menu on their birthdays and now that they're getting older they will often choose a recipe and cook it for everyone.

Having said all this, none of my dcs have been fussy in the extreme so I don't have experience of that. Now they all eat most foods - how much of that is down to luck and how much down to a consistent approach I don't know.

Okay, so how about someone put a plate of say, jellied eels in front of you and said you have to eat it, at least a mouthful.....

I'd probably vomit on the plate if it went anywhere near my mouth and I certainly wouldn't be hungry after that.

It's about respect in my view not punishment or exerting your power as an adult because you can.

I respect all the views in my house and while I encourage her to make healthy choices, I certainly won't be force feeding her any time soon.

As for being able to choose what they eat when they are adults, surely they can try olives when they are grown up and their palets are more likely to be developed enough to appreciate them.

I'm not having a go, I just have a different opinion

Minhaha - I don't think anyone on this thread has said anything about force feeding?

My DSD was a very picky eater when DP and I first met - beige food, no fruit or veg, point blank refusal to try new foods (etc) He was v stressed and upset about it, we tried all sorts of tactics & concluded in the end that the stress and upset was more harmful than the restricted diet. Her diet, whilst very limited just about covered all the bases so we stopped fussing and basically only offered her food she liked.
I thought at the time, when I have a child it will be different (hollow laugh now) as DD is also fussy - but in different ways!
So, in a nutshell, I don't cook different meals for everyone everyday, but I do sometimes and I always cook meals that everyone can eat. We get by by freezing portions of things like pasta sauce, so if we have something like bolognaise, I can defrost some tomato sauce for the girls.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel - DSD has got less fussy as she has grown up and eats a much wider range of foods now.
One thing I'd agree with an earlier poster about though is fostering a positive attitude to food and trying new things, but I never insist something gets eaten if it is not liked as long as it has been tried in good spirit.
Personally I also really don't get the thinking behind insisting food is eaten in order to get pudding - this surely just sets up over eating patterns?

All those folks with lovely kids who will eat anything (1 of our 3 is like that too) - count your blessings! It's nothing you've done/not done - it's just the way it is. Our kids have all been raised the same way/offered the same choices etc and we have one really adventurous eater, one fruit & veg avoider and one veggie who won't eat anything mixed up looking, with a sauce or melted cheese but will scoff broad beans, broccoli, fruit etc quite happily.

As for the rest of us, my advice is do whatever keeps your family happy and healthy.
Like ThreeTomatoes says it's actually not that hard to make flexible meals that keeps everyone happy and nourished.

Yes the positive food experience is the most important thing because otherwise they will never have the confidence