Thinking about a dummy - am I a bad mummy?!

[yummymumtobe]

I have 2 dc, dd now 2 and a 3 week old ds. I never used a dummy with dd but to be fair we did spend a long time letting her suck our finger to get to sleep/settle herself. She now sucks her own fingers when she is tired. Our 3 week old ds feeds about 10.30pm and then wakes between 3-5 for a feed (mw said fine not to wake him 3 hourly as he's a big lad). The trouble is the night feed and settling can last over 2 hours. He takes ages to settle after eating - not really crying just lots of noise, hiccups etc even though he's been burped. He will settle if I let him suckle but as he's not eating, just suckling and nipping for comfort I have become pretty sore which I want to avoid as I want to bf exclusively for as long as possible so don't want to get painful nipples. So...I am thinking of using a dummy after the night feed as the sucking action seems to soothe him. Dh is adament it is a 'bad thing' and lazy parenting. However, of sucking soothes him then why not? It's no different to a child sucking their finger or thumb.

Any thoughts?

I'd go for it ! But my dd had a dummy from the start , as long as you don't let then have it 24/7 I can't see the issue.

I think he already has a dummy, it's you! So what harm in giving him something else to suck on for comfort, something that he can be weaned from relatively easily later in life? Giving your child comfort and letting him settle is NOT lazy parenting. Your husband may have a different opinion if you give your baby to him to suckle on his fingers every night for hours on end.

I have 3 DSs - we tried really hard to get the first one to suck a dummy - he didn't at and was only interested in sucking something if milk came out of it. DS2 was happy with a dummy until he found his thumb and still sucks that 10 years later and DS3 had a dummy from very early on and got rid of it very easily just before he was 4.
You have to do what works for you and the child - that's all

I was very anti dummy. Then I had DS2! No sleep and lots of crying made me change my mind. Do what works for you. Try it and see if it works.

If your BFing using the dummy while establishing BFing. At 3 weeks they tend to have a growth spurt and feeding frenzy. Your child is feeding so much in order to boost your milk supply. You are not a human dummy, what is happening is quite natural.

After six weeks when BFing is established then by all means consider one. But really I wouldn't at the moment. Consider either a sling or co sleeping in order to make things easier

The first sentence meant

If your BFing using the dummy while establishing BFing could ruin your supply and confuse them.

We used a dummy quite early, maybe 4 weeks and it made feeding go a bit funny so I would say definitely wait until Bf is established and he won't get confused.

I am a big fan of the dummy, without it I would have had a lot less sleep, I think by now I would be a complete zombie!

Not at all , all 3 of mine had dummies . If it helps them settle then what's the harm

We started using a dummy when R was 2 weeks old. It worked for my family situation but certainly not an example of lazy parenting.

A comment like 'lazy parenting' needs explaining - would your DP be willing to then let baby suck him so you can get back to sleep. The fact is that babies like to suck - as a parent you can fulfil that need however you wish. My preference was a dummy rather than my nipple or finger.

Oh and although a dummy may cause bf problems - its not a definite. No one told me, so I used a dummy at about 2/3 weeks. I would always listen for sucking and swallowing and if that had stopped and the session was particularly long i.e. already well over an hour then I'd switch her to the dummy. Not sure if I was just lucky, but I have not had supply issues or nipple confusion issues.

So difficult with breastfeeding - I think I would have really struggled to get to 6 weeks without a dummy and tempted with formula if I had though it 'wasn't allowed for bf babies' as I have a very 'sucky' baby who seems to need it to help her get into that relaxed state for sleep.

Thanks for replies. I hadnt heard about issues with dummies in the early weeks if you are bf. does a finger pose the same problems, or is it ok to offer a finger to suck?

I bf dd (still do at 18 months) and used a dummy from very early on. Dd liked to comfort suck a lot (I later realised she had reflux which I think contributed to this), however I had a very painful let down and a ridiculous oversupply which meant that I would be in agony and dd would be covered in milk and furious. A dummy made everyone happy. Personally I found she had no problem telling the difference between my milky boobs and a bit of rubber, she just spat out the dummy when she want feeding.

This may be controversial but I was also keen to avoid her sucking her thumb. I was a terrible thumb sucker and still remember the horror of having to stop. Much easier to stop them using a dummy when the time is right IMHO.

a finger isn't so much of an issue. Because you wouldn't leave it in for as long. And it isn't shaped like a teat.

If you are going to use a dummy use an orthopedic one. They are shaped differently.

My dd and ds both had dummies for 3weeks until about 9months - after that they woke in the night and couldnt resettle without it, so we had three horrendous nights to get them dummy free! frankly i wouldnt have survived the first 8months without though! Didnt interfere with bf for me, as i did bf both to nearly 6mo. But that said we only introduced it after bf was established.

good luck, not easy! i hate the dummy btw - ripped them out for photos, popped them in when noone was looking etc, not sure why i was so ashamed of them!

Mine had dummy's! It's not lazy parenting at all, its survival

IMO getting as much sleep as you can is far more essential than worrying about a dummy.