dilemma re having a 3rd. Thoughts pls

[Eddie123]

I'm not sure if I'm writing this in the right section but never mind, here goes....

I'm 36, & I have a 5 yr old ds & a 2.5 yr old dd. We are thinking about having a 3rd, which our hearts tell us we would love do for all the ibvious readons. The problem is, my head is shouting at me about the potential difficulties. My main issue is worrying about having to work (self employed) whilst pregnant & with 2 small kids. My job requires a 100mile round trip once a week & on that day i often don't get home until 10pm. It's also stressful at times as I'm a therapist for people with mental health difficulties. I'm not sure how I will cope with the job/travel/2 small kids if I feel exhausted, sick, back ache etc. And then there's the issue of having to return to work quite soon after the babies born as I don't think we'll be able to afford for me to take too long off. Really not sure how i'll return to wirk with a small baby but i can do flexible hours as i'm self employed. Another thing is that we have no family support close by but a good network of friends. My eh is also v supportive in all ways.

Are we mad to even consider it or do you think I'm worrying too much? I know only I can make a decision but I'd love your thoughts as this head vs heart dilemma is doing my head in!

Just read through post, please excuse my spelling mistakes. It's getting late!

Only you and your oh can decide. I was 39 when I had my 3rd and was much more exhausted than with ds1 and 2 (work full-time in busy job, dh looks after the kids). Maternity leave was wonderful and then going back to work after 7 months was tough, though probably not tougher than after ds2 who was still waking 3-4 times/night when I went back to work.

Are your elder kids in any kind of childcare or would you have all 3 while on maternity leave? How long could you take off financially? And it's great to have the option to work flexibly. However, you'll be more tired than usual and might not be able to face it.

It goes without saying, that if you decide to go for it, you'll love your baby to pieces, but do go into it with your eyes wide open.

Thank you jkklpu. My ds has just started school & my dd is currently in nursery 3 days a week, which we'd probably try to keep going if we can. I previously worked in the NHS so got loads of maternity leave. Gutted I won't get anything now, but it was my choice to leave the nhs. We might be able to stretch to me having 4 months off.

I always say on these threads to look a bit further into the future at what life with three older children and ultimately teenagers will be like. Not just focus on the having a third baby will be like.

It's exhausting.... But I love it.
With two it felt very neat, we were very organised, everything was do-able but now it's noisy, mostly happy, chaos.
I love mealtimes, I love how the dynamics change depending who is here, I love it when they are all asleep!
The food bill is big, our car is not big enough, I get tired, spelling tests get forgotten, there are more coughs and colds. But there is a lot of giggling and fun.

NewBlueShoesToo thank you for your reply - all sounds good! Do you mind me asking if you work (other than your full time job as mummy!) & if so how you found work during the pregnancy & then going back to work after the 3rd baby was born? Thanks again

Oh, and don't assume you can get 3 car-seats in the back of any old car ...

I did work part-time but I have stopped for a year. This is more to do with where I was working and my husband's long hours than my children.