Coping after paternity leave

[CleanAllTheThings]

My dp is back at work on Monday, baby is 4 weeks, I have pnd and am creaking out a little about being alone with my dd! Bit worried as he is better at settling her and calmer than me, I get anxious when my boobs don't soothe her..

Any words of encouragement/tips etc to help us get through the day? DP is going to pop back at lunch to start with and my mum is going to help around the house which is great. Trying to arrange some visitors as we haven't seen many people yet.

Have you got a sling? Motion and close proximity to you are good soothing tips as is calming music. Also getting out of the house to NCT or other baby groups and for walks in the park works wonders, sometimes just having other mums to chat to while having a tea and biscuit can help with the sense of isolation.

Try not to stress about house work too much, and if tired try to sleep when your baby naps. Lack of sleep can have a detrimental effect on your ability to cope. You may find that doing things when baby sleeps makes you feel better though, sometimes a nice, clean space helps me feel better, so do what feels right for you.

I was really worried about this but actually once he'd gone back I began to find things easier. I stopped stressing about how I was going to cope and just started coping. Also the days are your own so there's noone to please. I second the sling. At the beginning (and sometimes now at 9 weeks) ds would only settle in the sling. IME when he was not consoled by boob etc it was over tiredness and he'd sleep in the sling (often after a few mins of screaming and punching me).

It does get so much easier. At 2 weeks I was finding it so hard but now I'm so happy!

I felt exactly the same three weeks ago. got really upset started to wonder if we would be ok he quit his job! for the first day I didn't plan on doing anything other than just feeding, changing nappies etc. I stayed in my pjs and we had take out for tea. before you know the day is over and I was really chuffed I'd got through it. after that first day you'll have more confidence and you'll soon start to get more out of your day. get out and about etc. If you try not to think about the whole day before you know it's flown by. you'll be fine hoestly

I had a great health visitor who said if you manage to get washed and have breakfast your day is a success. Anything else is a bonus! Of course we always manage more than that but it's good to have a professional opinion that you're coping!

I would say the thing that helped me the most was to get showered/ready in the morning before DP left, so I didn't have to think about fitting it in later in the day, so when you're feeling desperate to go out later in the day it's that little bit easier.

The first couple of days will be daunting but don't worry, you'll be fine

Some fresh air every day really helps - even if it's just a walk round the block. If the baby is hard to settle you might find a walk in sling or pram does the job.

Easy food - batch cook at weekend when you have help, or quick stir fries etc.

It took me 3 months to venture to a baby group with DS1 but I spent many days up to that point barely managing to get dressed / fed. Once I'd accepted that was fine, I quite enjoyed it and gradually you find things have got easier without really having noticed the change.

You will be ok. I agree with RobotHamster that getting showered etc in the morning whilst your DP is still around is really helpful. That way at least you will feel better and more ready to face the day. Also, getting out each day, even if it's just around the block is really beneficial. Your DD is still tiny at 4 weeks, so go easy on yourself and don't feel you have to be rushing off to groups etc if you don't want to.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I have got a couple of slings and a soft carrier so will have to make use of them.
I like the idea of making sure i get showered before DP leaves, definitely doing that.

I have found preparation is the key. If I know I am doing something or have to go somewhere I check his change bag the night before get his cloths out (iron if need be) and the same with my clothes have a shower whilst DH spends some alone time with DS then after his morning bottle I get us washed and dressed and then I am ready to go whenever I need to.