Co-sleeping or not sleeping!

[LaDiDaDi]

I have dd who is 7 weeks old (but was 7 weeks early). Since she came home she has been sleeping in a moses basket by the side of our bed.
She has 2 bottles of formula per day to help with weight gain and has one just before bed at 11ish. Through the night I breastfeed her in bed.

The problem is that after a feed she doesn't want to go back in her moses basket. Even if it seems that she has fallen asleep feeding within minutes of being put back in her basket she wakes up crying and cries until I pick her up and cuddle her in bed. Dp is really worried by what has effectively become co-sleeping for much of the night. He is really anxious about the increased risk of cot death assoc. with co-sleeping esp. as he has often had a drink in the evenings. He is not a big drinker but will often have a can when watching the footie.

Can anyone offer any advice on how I can get her to sleep in her moses basket or can minimise the risks of co-sleeping?

Get him to stop drinking.

I love co-sleeping, DS is more settled in our bed. His happiness is more important than beer and footie to me.

That was a bit blunt - DS on my lap, so typing one handed so got straight to the point.

That's fine FlameBoo. TBH now that she is co-sleeping much of the time if he has had a drink once she comes into our bed he will often go into the spare room. He doesn't mind this as he always complains of being too hot in our bed anyway whereas in the spare room he can open more windows. I miss him though .

I just can't get on with co-sleeping...I'm just too "aware" of them all night to get any decent sleep myself, same for dp (who also likes a drink, incidentally). Would you be able to try her in a cot? I found that both of mine just didn't seem to like the moses basket for some reason.

She has got a cotbed in her nursery but wouldn't be able to fit that into our room. She will sleep in her moses basket during the day sometimes.

That's a good point - with encouraging non-co-sleeping... there are often a couple of things that could be the problem...

Either wanting to be snug - so swaddling could help

Bashing arms on moses basket and wanting space - so a cot could help instead

Or (and this is the case for my little man) - wanting to sleep on their front! He seems to feel more secure either snuggled in with me, or on his front on his own. We have one of the alarm monitors, so I feel slightly less panicky about it (but I do still check on him a lot).

He's off my lap now, hence better reply

aw. some of the fondest memories i have of my little girls as newborns is their sleeping beside me, waking up and seeing their little faces, fast asleep.

If your dd is on the side next to you and not in between you and dp, I feel it is safe. Also I feel 1 or 2 drinks would be safe enough. It is the possibility of sleeping so soundly that you don't wake when you roll over on the baby that you want to avoid. There's no problem with the fumes or anything, unlike with smoking.

Other than that I would continue as you are and if you and dp don't mind him being on the sofa when he wants to have a drink then go for it. There are so many advantages to co-sleeping and perhaps when the world cup is over dp will rejoin you in the family bed

swaddle and put in moses basket. they love swaddling. or swaddle and put in bed with you as I did. try warming up the basket with a hot water bottle. what would you prefer a warm snug bed or a cold one after being at the right temp 24/7 for well 33 wks in your lo's case?

i also second getting hubby off the drink or kicking him to the spare room.

I had some great advice from my midwife when dd was doing the same. I lined her moses basket with a shirt dh had worn, so his smell was reassuring but didn't make her hungry like mine would. Also lavendar oil, in her bath, or lavender bags between her sheets when in the cupboard, a couple of drops on a tissue out of reach near her at night. It helped dd. Also swaddled her in a sheet. If she needs the space and isn't happy in a moses basket but you haven't got room for her cotbed you could try a travel cot next to you bed?
Or have her co-sleeping if thats what you want to do. Dd co-sleeps when she's ill or teething and needs the comfort but is happy on her own the rest of the time now (she's 13mths).

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I do wonder if it is the position she is in, she sleeps on her side next to me as she has usually just dozed off after a breast feed whereas in the moses basket I try to lie her on her back.

I do usually have her on the side next to me and only put her between us for a cuddle last thing at night and first thing in the morning when dp and I are pretty much awake.

If I do just continue with co-sleeping how hard will it be to get her to settle in her cotbed as she gets bigger? Im going back to work in Jan at the latest and will often be working nights and as dp wouldn't feel safe sleeping with her she will need to be in cotbed then.

What did you do last night?

DS is 7 wks old and i was actually going to start a thread on this very subject today as i was becoming a bit worried. He goes to sleep while bfing in the evening on our bed and then we transfer him into moses basket and then into his own room. He then sleeps til about 2/3am when he'll come into our bed for a feed. If i'm good i'll stay awake and get him back into his basket. However, more often than not i end up falling asleep and wake up only to find ds asleep next to me 3 hours later!!!! Again, i was wondering whether he prefers it on his side as when i try to get him into his basket sometimes (on his back) he ends up waking up after just a minute.

I don't mind him being in bed with us (sleep is so precious imo!) but was just worried about this becoming the norm. I guess we'll carry on as we are - as long as you're all getting some sleep i really wouldnt worry about it - my hv advised me to co-sleep for the first few months with dd (now 3.6 and in her own bed!!!!)

oooopps - hijacked your thread a bit there - sorry! X

what about a bedside cot, or having his cot next to the bed with the side off - you can still cuddle him after feeding, and if he murmers because he's managed to move away from touching you, you can reassure him easily without waking him, just as with cosleeping? We find now that ds is a bit older (19mths) that all of us in the one bed can get a bit cramped particularly with dh's starfish-style sleeping (inherited by ds...sigh) so we have the cot/sidecar arrangement and it works really well. It also means there's nowhere to fall to even if your ds is actually on your mattress as the cot is enclosed.
Agree with F&Z, I'd probably feel happier in your situation putting the baby next to me on the outside if your dh has had a nightcap - anything that means you sleep more soundly than normal is bad when cosleeping.

When we first coslept I didn't sleep well at all through being hypersensitive to every tiny movement, but actually this was a good thing as it reassured me that I was aware of the baby and over (a very short) time I settled into more restful sleep. I'm a very light sleeper anyway, so was especially pleased when I realised I was getting good sleep!

I'd only say, go with what works for you and don't worry about it! There are some good safety guidelines around for cosleeping
like here guidelines

which are mostly common sense but worth a look... hope the link works.

Thanks for link kitbit. Did wonder though because it recommends dressing warmly for bed and I sleep naked or with just a vest on and have (if awake enough to remember) been taking dd's clothes off when co-sleeping as I was worried about her overheating.

Mandymoo that is exactly what has been happening to me! Start breastfeeding at 4am, wake up with baby lying next to me asleep at 7am.

Last night decided to try feeding sitting up during the night. I didn't put in her bed with us but I did manage to fall asleep whilst sitting up. Somehow had managed to hold onto her on my lap but did have a really bad pain in neck this morning. Dp happier that she didn't come into our bed.

Although I like co-sleeping I think that I will have to continue to try not to, if only because of the going back to work in Jan issue. Don't want to get her used to being in bed next to mummy then in Dec suddenly putting her in big cotbed on her own .

Has anyone suggested putting something of your's that you wore during the day in the basket? That way she will still smell you and be reassured. Also, rolling a towel into a sausage and bending it round the top of the mattress, so that it cradles her head and shoulders can be very reassuring - especially if you wrap it in aforementioned garment. And is she swaddled or in a sleepingbag? Those can also help.

Not trying to influence you in any way honest (!) but I've found I (well we!) actually get more sleep when co/sleeping as when ds wakes I scoop him up, hold him for 30 secs and he dozes off again never having fully wakened, then I go back to sleep too (have got v good at instant awake/instant asleep thing), so the whole wake-up and resettle takes only about a minute and a half. Much better for feeling fresh (ish) next morning!

Re. clothing, ds wears a poppered vest with a grobag, and I tuck the duvet under me so that it's not over him. If he goes between us (dh has got very good at being aware of him so he does go between us sometimes) I bunch the duvet down in the middle so he's not covered, and the grobag keeps him covered during any wriggling and also stops flying legs from kicking dh in the nethers... although was v funny first time it happened, took dh about 20 mins to come down off the ceiling! Shouldn't laugh...

Won't tell dp about your dh's experience kitbit, ouch!

DD is not swaddled or in a grobag yet although we do intend to use grobags and have got some but she is still only 5lbs and would just slip through the neck of them at the moment.

The going back to work part of the issue isn't really about how well/how much sleep we get but that I will be working some nights and dp wouldn't want to co-sleep without me being there.

PrettyCandles, think I will try that. I will put the vest that I wore to be last night in her moses basket tonight and see if that helps.

ahhh, understand, that does make it really tricky doesn't it. Really hope you find a solution that works for you! We have ds's cot next to the bed tied on so it acts like a guard rail. He starts off the night in there now, and gradually is getting used to staying there all night. Again I can settle him really fast if he wakes in the night and he is completely used to the cot so when all 3 of us are ready he can move into his own room without too much upheaval. At the moment though, having him next to me (and sometimes in of course because as with all babies it's 3 steps forwards 10 steps back sometimes!) works well.

Hope you find an answer!