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Parenting

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Original poster

Someone with a sensible head on advise me

22 replies

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 11:30

I have been a nanny for 23 years ,I got made redundant last July . I did a brief job in a primary school for an autistic child and then funding ran out . Since my Ds has been at school he is now 7 and in year 2 I have volunteered at his school not his class but a year 3 class . Even when I was nannying I did a full day there and since having no work on I have done 2 / 3 full days there and I love it but its not paid and there is no vacencies coming up because of children leaving the school .I am waiting for another job to come up (if it ever comes off) for a teaching position for a secondary school .The problem is
When I was nannying the family only had one child who was at school all day and I had my freedom to help in school so all in all it was a good job full time money but the hours were long finish at 7 pm every night . Now the mum has got back to me and she is trying to find a nanny again and not having much luck and she has offered me my old job back . My feeling are that the job now has two children a lovely baby ( by all accounts ) and a little girl of 8 ,so during the day I would have the baby and no freedom . I did have some issues with the mother as she is a very strong person and a professional lady who is used to getteing her own way . She is very generous with money and I did get the odd day off. But the hours would be 8 oclock to 7.15 so i would have to put my son in breakfast club and I really like being with just him after school . I am so used to looking after other peoples children all the time it has been really nice and motherly (if you get what I mean ) to just have my own child . But I am really skint and she does pay good money for long hours so the question is do I take the job on and have money again (its amazing how little you can live on if you have to ) ir do I hold out for a school job . ? Any opinions welcom and sorry its so long .

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Medulla · 26/06/2006 11:32

There seem to be so many variables here I think the most sensible thing for you to do is to sit down with a blank sheet of paper and write down the pros and cons in a list. You might then be able to see the wood from the trees so to speak.

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 11:35

I have just phoned for an application for another primary school in the area do you think this is some sort of indication that I am trying to find another job befor I have to give her an answer. LOL

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Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 11:36

Thanks for reading through my thread medulla I think I will have to do this .

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Medulla · 26/06/2006 11:36

Maybe if you had 2 jobs to compare it would make the decision an easier one. It can't be easy working for someone like the lady you describe! Good luck

PrettyCandles · 26/06/2006 11:37

Medulla's idea is very good.

Going purely by my own feelings, I would hold off. If you get so much pleasure from your child, it seems rough to have to give him to others to look after, in order that you might look after someone else's child. Is there any chance of you being able to look after all 3, your's and her's at the same time? That would perhaps be the best option, keeping you going until a teaching job came along, even if you were not completely free during daytimes.

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 11:39

I do remember that feeling of dread every time my mobile phone went and it was her .She only made me cry a few times . LOL

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LaDiDaDi · 26/06/2006 11:44

How many days per week would the nanny job be?

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 11:46

5 long days 8.15am to 715pm.

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fattiemumma · 26/06/2006 11:49

i think that the fact you have just apploed for another job says thatyou dpnt really WANT to go back to work fr this woman. if you did it owuld be for financial reasons and you would end up not enjoying the job. both yours and her children would end up lossing out. you may well give up the job after a short while because you dont feel right and so she and her chidlren would have to find someone else and get used to a whole other person.

i'd say continue lookign for something else. its what you had originally planned and sounds like the best thing in the long run...your coping as you are so there seems little reason to change

LaDiDaDi · 26/06/2006 11:57

That's a lot of hours! 55 hours per week? Is that not illegal now with the European Working Time Directive?

Had wondered if it was just say 3 days per week if it might be quite a good option but if the woman isn't very nice then it sounds as if you would be better elsewhere.

indignatio · 26/06/2006 11:57

I second PCandles thought - can you include your son after school with her children - yes he is having to share you - but he is still with you

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 11:59

Thank you I just neede someone to comfirm what I am feeling . Dont greet me wrong I do like her children especially the 8 year old as we got along fine and my son and her were best buddies .I dont have a relationship with the baby as I have never looked after him. I just feel my DS is missing out on my time and having friends round for tea. I know this all seems like trival things but they mean alot to me . Tomorrow is a big school trip and if I was working I couldnt go . Its London and I dont like him going to London with out me, other trips I am fine about but I worry about bombs ( I know silly ) I just feel he is always sharing me and now I have had a year off as such .I worked from when he was 3 weeks old untill he was 6 with other peoples kids ,I jst want to be with him for a bit longer because I know he will grow up soon enough and not want or need me around (I know this is natural ) I suppose I dont want to waste this time with him .

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Blu · 26/06/2006 12:06

It sounds as if the school job would be a career development for you AND give you more time with your child.
But less money.
I bet if you had a school job you could get summer hol nannying for a school-age child the same age as your ds, so that you could care for them both, if you need to top up your income.

Tortington · 26/06/2006 12:20

if i could manage on what little money i had - i would rather have the free time and spend lots of time with the 7 yo.

thing is - by the time you get home from work, do homework, cook tea - itsbedtime - you wont get much time with him.

if mother is so desperate i would ask for more money - to cover your own childcare costs. she must be in a pickle - professional lady and all.

ask for a considerable amount more and see what she says - worse case scenario - you end up where you are now
HTH

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 15:57

Its not so much the money its more a case of the way I used to feel when I last worked for her . I used to dread my mobile going you know that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. And the feeling that she was in total control and didnt like it if she didnt get her own way . I always felt as what ever I did was never good enough and even though I was an excellent nanny I never did anything I snouldnt have done and I know that she was the mum and it is really hard to let someone else look after your treasured posession but it was like she didnt like anyone else looking after her but she couldnt do it herself . IYSWIM .

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cakemonster · 26/06/2006 16:10

I think you know the answer! There are plenty of mums (like me) who are desperate to find a caring reliable nanny with experience, and who would also accomodate her child in to the equation. As money is a priority why not sign up with an agency for either a full time position or after school care which would leave your days free if a school job came up. From what you have said the only positive thing on offer here is the money (which or course is very important). Remember, once you accept you will find it extremely hard to leave the family and your relationship with your own child will suffer.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 26/06/2006 16:20

horrible feelings in the pit of your stomach are not good! that aside is there any scope for flexibility with this woman? would she consider letting you bring your ds with you - maybe a couple of days, if not every day? would she consider an arrangement where a couple of days you looked after her kids at your house? (you might have to pick them up/ drop them off as that is probably a major part of why she wants a nanny). But having said all that I think the feeling in your stomach says all you need to know. I had a nanny for a year who I never really hit it off with. I remember standing at the bus stop on my way home one day, with that stomach-pit feeling. I was dreading going back to my own home. and dreading seeing the person who had been loooking after my dds all day. horrible horrible. no-one can live out their life with those sorts of feelings. (thankfullly she resigned! she probably had them too!)

PrettyCandles · 26/06/2006 16:24

I think you definitely know the answer. Forget what I suggested about sharing care. I doubt it would work with such a fussy boss.

ScummyMummy · 26/06/2006 16:31

Agree with the others- sounds like working for this family would be a bad move if you are feeling shaky at the very thought. Hold out for a school job. I'm sure one will come up sooner or later,:0

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 16:34

Thankyou ladies just what I needed to hear .

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magnolia1 · 26/06/2006 16:34

I would do a cv and put it in every school in your area

There is bound to be a job starting in september and now is when they will be looking as funding would have been agreed following the end of the tax year

Original poster

peasinapod · 26/06/2006 16:54

I am waiting on the secondary school one but funding is still going through . wish me luck .

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