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Parenting

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Original poster

Turn back time?

25 replies

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 12:30

This is incredibly selfish, but I really need to vent. I have a 9wo baby and some days I just want to rewind and decide not to have a baby at all. I'm bad tempered and feel lazy around her, wishing I didn't have to be so responsible for her. Her latch is occasionally painful, and refuses to sleep anywhere but on me, or next to me in bed (co-sleeping) and won't go in her pram. All normal stuff for such a young infant, I'm sure.

Please remind me to stay calm and remember that this neediness won't last forever?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Mumof3xx · 26/09/2013 12:34

It won't last forever

But she will get bigger and you will want to rewind to her being a baby!

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 12:38

Ha, that's what I'm afraid of! As she gets older, she'll just be more challenging. Stupid, isn't it? I went into this eyes wide open, but parenting is so much harder than I imagined on the emotions.

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Mumof3xx · 26/09/2013 12:45

Having your first child is a huge change but it will soon become the norm

She's very young, it does get better when they sleep more

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VinegarDrinker · 26/09/2013 12:50

It gets easier in lots of ways, actually IMO. And they sleep more eventually which makes everything seem better.

My overwhelming memories of my first maternity leave are feeling frustrated and/or bored. DS is now 2.5 and I totally adore him. I've enjoyed him more and more at every stage.

Can you find any nice things for you to do? Groups to join? Just to get out and break up the monotony of life with a small baby.

VinegarDrinker · 26/09/2013 12:52

Lol x posts, sleeping more is a common theme!

I also remember how swamped and physically overwhelmed I felt by my "velcro baby" - there just seemed to be a baby on me all the bloody time. Some people may love that but I didn't.

BasilBabyEater · 26/09/2013 12:55

Don't worry about being selfish, you have the right to be from time to time.

I found that each stage they got to was better than the last. Even the teenage stage, I'm enjoying more than the last stage. I don't know if that's just because I've forgotten each stage in turn or because I know my DC's better than I did at the last stage (because they've been around for longer) but that first few weeks with first baby is possibly one of the hardest.

It won't be like his forever. It gets easier

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 12:57

I do really need to get out to some groups, I wish there were more near me. And I am lucky as the lo does sleep pretty well so far (just 2 night wakes), just on me all the time. Thanks for the encouragement.

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rosiedays · 26/09/2013 13:21

Hi mrsross
Hugs. .. its tough some days
Is there someone in rl you can vent to and make you tea? ?
Dd is 10 weeks now and some days are tough. I feel like a feeding machine ( today is one) sometimes I feel lazy because between feeds all i want to do is sit on sofa and drink tea! (I really don't know how those with 2 or more cope. :)) bf is bloody hard work and a round the clock job. I now except sofa days for what they are
Sofa days. :)
When she wakes (soon) 'm going to wrap her up and take her for a walk in the rain.
Big hugs

roweeena · 26/09/2013 15:19

It definitely gets more enjoyable as time goes on - they become more interactive and give you something back. My DS is 2yo now and much much much more fun. Also I am now used to this life and not pining the spontaneous life I had before.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my second and slightly dreading going back to that newborn stage

gretagrape · 26/09/2013 15:23

Wow, it's so nice to feel like I'm not the only one who felt like this - I thought I should be walking around with a lovely rosy "I'm a mummy" glow, but actually I couldn't believe this was now my life.

I never believed anyone who told me it would get better, but actually it really does - once they start smiling and enjoying interacting with you they become a real person, and now my son is 6mo I love spending the days with him because he's a million times more interesting than he was a few months ago!

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 15:29

Thanks Rosie, I do have people I could vent at, and I do sometimes, but it gets old, doesn't it? Who wants to hear the same whinges? Keep calm & carry on! I did just manage a walk with her in the pram (rather than the sling) for the first time in weeks, so that's a small achievement for today.

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nomoreminibreaks · 26/09/2013 15:45

I felt the same at that stage - I had PND though. Could that be worth looking into? Everyone else is right though, it does get better

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 15:49

Roweena and Greta, thank you both - sorry I missed your messages earlier. It is good to hear they get better! This is definitely going to be a single child though, I couldn't / don't want to do this again.

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Soontobemama · 26/09/2013 15:50

I sympathise as I am in the same boat. My baby is 6 weeks old and some days it is the hardest thing in the world. I hadn't anticipated how tedious it would be. I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I'm not enjoying my baby as much as I should. He wants to be held constantly and its really hard to get anything done. He only sleeps for 20 minutes in the daytime unless we are out or I'm holding him which means I can't catch up on sleep myself.

Everyone tells me it will get easier.

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 15:50

I don't think this is PND, more self-indulgence on my part probably, I'm having to get over my selfish hump I think.

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Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 15:53

Soon on the sleep front I hope things improve for you soon. My lo sleeps much better now than a few weeks ago, & I think that was linked to the growth spurt.

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FunnysInLaJardin · 26/09/2013 16:02

OP, I was always told how I would look back and wish the DC were babies again. I can honestly say I don't and can't ever imagine wanting to go back to that stage. My DC are 3 and nearly 8 and they just keep getting better the older they get. I think I am possibly at the best stage with them right now, although the 3yo can still be a PITA when he wants to . Not everyone is a 'baby' person and as I've discovered I most certainly aren't.

BTW there were lovely bits, but my over riding memory is 'all that hard work'

LadySnapcase · 26/09/2013 16:55

I have a 6 week old DS and I'm the same. Keep having 'what have we done' moments. Not helped by the fact that he is quite a screamer, seem to spend most of the day walking around rocking him trying to keep him quiet! He can sense when I sit down, even if I keep rocking Am sure I would enjoy it all more if he would settle more easily, but even then, I'm really not cut out for the whole newborn bit. Unfortunately DH is back at work next week, he does 3 or 4 12 hour shifts a week and I'm dreading losing the support and not having anyone to hand DS over to when I can't settle him...

rosiedays · 26/09/2013 17:39

Well done for getting out for the walk Mrs Ross sometimes the pram is just far enough away to feel like baby has been removed for a while :)
Glad you got rl support. .. yes sometimes helps to vent on here. Hope you have a restful evening and tomorrow is another day

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 17:40

Not having anyone to hand the lo to is the worst part most of the time, I think. As soon as my dh gets in he is handed the baby. On the other hand, when my dh went back to work we worked out our own routine which did seem to help settle us both.

I have however spent most of the day telling the baby to shush in less than loving terms. Poor thing is probably rather confused as I'm normally very smiley with her

May the next few weeks rusy by...

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LadySnapcase · 26/09/2013 17:53

Oh yes, I've caught myself doing a very frustrated 'JUST...GO..TO...SLEEP!' on a few occasions, then immediately feel guilty. Am not actually sure we'll even be able to get into our own routine, since DH works such random days...next week he's doing one on, one off all week. Which I'm glad about, as it means less time to survive on my own, but kind of removes the only advantage to him being back at work too!

Hear hear on the hopefully swift passing of time

Rones · 26/09/2013 19:30

I with you all! My DD2 is 10 weeks old and I'm finding things tough now that the offers of help have all dried up! Although lovely, this baby has been much harder than my first (colic, wind, etc. etc.)...think DD1 was a textbook baby although I had sever PND so that was a terrible experience!! Although I do remember that I started to enjoy her from about 4 months onwards....she's over 5 now but it's tough going back to the baby stage again. Obviously I'd forgotten what hard work it is! I'm breasfeeding too and I'm finding it harder this time because of the demands of having another child and tbh, I really want my body back now. I think I'll try to feed for 6 months (I fed DD1 for 11). I still feel like I've been run over by a truck after my 2nd caesarean (emergency this time) and really hating how my body looks at the moment.

DD2 is quite a good daytime napper and OK at night once she gets to sleep in the evening. I'm finding bedtime so hard as she can take so long to settle and when DH isn't around to help with bedtimes (which is 3 days a week), it can be awful trying to cope with both of them. I've been in tears! How do people have more???

I know that this will all pass and things WILL get easier but it's not so easy when you're living it is it? The sleep deprivation is the worst....I so can't wait till she's sleeping through - soon please!

LadySynapse - my DH seems to do the same shifts as yours and it's hard going!

Good luck everyone....

CPtart · 26/09/2013 19:46

I loved my DC as babies of course, but if never ever ever wished I could rewind them back to that stage!
They are now 8 and 10 and utterly fabulous.

Original poster

MrsRoss26 · 26/09/2013 19:58

It is so good to hear that others find the baby stage so hard. Common sense tells you it's hard, but the reality is very isolating. I wish I could visit others struggling and hand-hold.

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Noggie · 26/09/2013 20:48

I found dd1 really hard going as a baby- it is just do hard! Does get better- especially when you get to sleep more and are fully recovered from the shock of it all! Hang on in there- they do get cuter and funnier and better company!

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