Age gaps

[marshmallow2468]

Hi,

After 8 months with numero uno, starting to think about when to go for a second to complete my family. What age gaps do you have and how have they been? Complications are that I'm nearly 35, was diabetic during pregnancy and had an emergency c-section - straight after the section I was determined to never do it again but I think I'm over that now! On my side - I got pregnant pretty easily last time and aside from the diabetes it was pretty problem-free, and my periods have come back regularly, although I know neither of these things guarantee getting pg easily a second time, or that it'll be plain sailing.

So, sell me your age gap! I'm thinking 2-3 years would be best to try for. If I was younger I'd be thinking 4-5 years, but I want to be done by 40 now I've started.

There's going to be 2 years between ours and the practical points I'd make are:
DD will be too young for a buggy board so we'll need to buy a double buggy - very pricy things;
DD will still be in nappies - an extra 6 months might have sorted that;
Not looking forward to DD hitting the terrible 2s just as she has to adjust to a newborn too
We have managed to move DD to her adult bed though, so the cot is free for DC2.

Having no other experience I can't comment on whether more time would really resolve these things though.

3.5yrs here. It's great. DD1 is v keen and helpful right from the start. She understands and can be relied on to sing to the baby if I needed to leave the room.

They play now and it's lovely.

22 months here. Haven't really had any problems with it (DC are 9 and 8 now).

3y 9 months then 2y 8 months. Gaps have been good because DC2 was very ill and hard work so it was good that DC1 was so much more independent and at pre school every morning. They now play together really well (7 and 3). 3 years would be my ideal gap, I think. However, I do like having one at home while the others are at school rather than getting the baby stage over with quickly.

2 years 10 months was planned. A nice gap as dd1 started nursery not long after ds was born. I had bags of energy, only 23. would of planned dc3 for 4 year gap but ds dx with autism

2nd gap is 9 years 7 months, not planned. This was nice as it was like starting again although a shock to the system being an older mum.
3rd gap was 23 months, again not planned and that was hard, then easy then hard again. They are now at nursery and school and things are getting easy again.

I have told myself that for me dc's after 35 is a no-no but as dd3 gets bigger I miss having a baby around. in all honesty I could probably go on until the menopause

2y10m gap. Great so far, dd only 5m. DS old enough to do things independently. Good walker, potty trained, sleeps well in the main, can get own snacks and water, turn tv on, manage iPad better than me...

17 month gap between mine. Dd wasn't planned, but wasn't avoided if that makes sense.

I'm going to be honest and say I really, really struggled with the early days/months when dd was a baby with reflux, feeding problems and what felt like a constant chest infection, who screamed almost constantly.

It improved slightly at around 6 mo when she was weaned and meal times got a lot easier as I could feed them the same thing at the same time, and things got considerably easier when she learned to crawl and move around.

It's a doddle now (he's 2.5 and she's 12 mo), they play together, 'talk' to each other, entertain themselves, sleep 7-7 most nights, go to nursery so I can work, and they watch tv so we have quiet time during the day so I can rest a bit.

Thinking back though, as difficult as it's been having 2 babies so close together, I don't think I'd have a larger gap. They're really close although they argue like cat and dog already, until last week they had a joint lunchtime nap time so I had a blissful 2 hrs off everyday, they share toys and she wears all his hand-me-downs so it doesn't cost that much in new things at the moment.

Took years to get pregnant second time round (a few weeks first time round) so a 6 year gap.

It has actually worked out really well. I can leave baby DS with DD while I have a shower or make dinner - she will play with him or rock him in his bouncy chair if he whinges then come and get me if he doesn't stop. I feel that DS gets the same attention DD did as a baby as DD is at school during the day so I get to spend a lot of time with him on his own and do activities with him on his own.

We both work and nursery fees for 2 would have been horrendous, nursery fees for one and afterschool club fees for the other will be a lot more manageable when I go back to work after maternity leave.

I know a lot of people want and have much smaller gaps but this has worked really well for us.

20 years.

Advantage: live in, free babysitter
Disadvantage: old and knackered.

Oooh, I like the idea of a 20 year gap, think I might have caught up on sleep by then!

I still think 2-3 years would work for us, if we're lucky enough to have our ideal plan work out. I definitely couldn't do a small age gap, I think I'd be carted off in a straitjacket!

3.5 years here, was hoping for 2 years but m/carried and took a while to conceive after that.

In hindsight though I'm really glad it is 3.5 years as I suffered badly with m/s during pregnancy and had weeks off work, chained to the sofa with a bucket for vomit. DS1 found it hard, but did manage to cope and was happy enough to spend time with daddy if i wasn't up for anything, he'd also suggest 'sofa based' games to play as he knew I couldn't do anything.

When I think back to what he was like at 18 months - 2 years, I don't thimk he'd have coped well at all (he was very into his mummy at that stage) and I'd have felt tremendously guilty for neglecting him during pregnancy.

DS1 understood about the baby and was keen to put aside his old baby toys and clothes for the baby (he calls it his baby). Mind you, that's all personality, and there's no guarantee with any age gap if they'll get on - I think all age gaps have benefits and disadvantages, and you can cope with anything :-D