Why can't my 2 year old dd play on her own??

[thechocolatemonster]

I'm beginning to think that I've done something fundamentally wrong in parenting my dd. Unless I'm playing with her - or the TV is on - she just cannot entertain herself. She whines or just stands and stares at me with her thumb in her mouth.

DD is 2 years 8 months old and even the teachers at her nursery school have commented that she can't really play on her own. DS is ten months old and is the complete opposite - he can keep himself entertained for hours.

Is there anything I can do to change this situation? Sometime I'm at the end of my tether (like today) and just don't have the patience for it. DD is just prodding and squashing ds to try to get some attention. It's so infuriating.

can you get her going with some pens/paint/paper while you do stuff in kitchen? dd1 wasn't brilliant at entertaining herself but she enjoyed that.

hopefully she sheouldn't need to play on her own much while at nursery

DS is the same and he is 3 - has always wanted me to join in with what he is doing.

I've ended up sorting a few activities that he can do sat at the kitchen worksurface so that I can do the washing up/cooking and he is still involved and I can talk to him - which helps.

Just hope it helps knowing there are others that have the same issues

You're right about nursery - what the teachers have actually said is that she doesn't really play with the other children - she always wants to play with the teachers.

dd only ever entertained her self for about half an hour at this age, kids are all different, wouldn't worry too much, dd is now 3 and will go and find something to do for about 45 mins on her own, then its up to me to entertain

Thanks for the reassurance MAMB - somebody told me once that if you tell off children too much then they become really dependent on you and can't play on their own.

Do you think this could be right??? I really panic that I've been too strict with my daughter and somehow taken away her self confidence.

Kidstrack - half an hour would be a breakthrough!! If I really set something up for my daughter she might play for a few minutes - but if I try to get on with something else then she gives up on it.

The only real distraction is TV - but I only let dd watch about an hour a day. Should I just let her watch more?

well...yes I think there is some truth in that - the more confidence they have the more they are happy to entertain themselves IME.

Get her to draw a picture on her own then keep putting your head over her shoulder and compliment her fabulous colouring in - a good tip is to be specific, so instead of 'oh thats good darling', say things like 'I like the way you have coloured in Cinderella's hair' or 'that pink is such a lovely colour'.

chocmonster - I wouldn't increase the amount of telly. You've done the right thing limiting the use of it so far so don't undo your good work now!

My 3.5 ds can be the same- he seems to be worse when he is tired. He is also my first born, and I think they are more clingy because they are used to alot of attention before the 2nd is born!! Sorry have no advice but really understand!!

only tv dd watches is a nursery ryme video with actions,think it lasts about 45mins so keeps her moving and motivated, she also watches half an hour of the bedtime hour on cbeebies on some nights

Think you're right about the first born Jazzi.

When dd was younger I probably didn't let her play on her own at all. I've learnt the error of my ways and dd plays on his own for as long as he can.

Do you find there's anything you've done that has helped the situation?

It is easier now 2nd ds is older as they play together. To be honest I normally gave him something to do and played with him, and then once he was established with it moved away. The time he would play got longer as he became more confident in playing on his own. Hope that helps, but tbh I am still at a loss as to how to deal with it!! Hope someone else will have some better ideas!!

i maintain it's often to do with the child themselves. my dd1 and dd3 both played alone from about 1 year. dd2 is nearly 5 and hardly ever does. she's a socialite. she likes lots of company and discussion even when doing something like drawing.

we are just about getting her to do stuff alone now she'll draw, do craft and write sort of alone. but even now she really wants company. luckily she has 2 sisters so it's not really a problem for us.

It's interesting what you think Fennel - I've watched so many TV programmes about kids behaviour that you end up thinking it's all about the way the parents behave - but I guess some of it at least must be the child's natural character.