When to let them play out with their friends?

[topseyturvey]

We live in a cul de sac and have a green with the houses all around it.
Am under pressure from ds nearly 5 and dd 3 to play out the front with other children.The other children do play in the back garden but they seem to like riding their bikes out the front.The road is very quite but their are parked cars and vans sometimes blocking the view of the children crossing over.

I let them play out when I can stay with them but they want to play out every night after school and sometimes I have other things I need to do in the house.
The pressure mounts when the other children bang on the door and ask if dd and ds are coming out to play and of course a tantrum erupts if I say no.I feel extra pressure as ds just wants to copy the older ones and ride up and down the cul de sac on the road.The other children who play out range from just 4 -7 and they all play out unwatched by a parent ,and my ds says "so and so is playing out and riding on the road why can't I."

Am I being over protective as some of the other mothers have hinted?

do you think you;'re being overprotective topseyturvey?

My children are 13 and 9 and Ive never let them "play out the front". Obviously dd does go out on her own/with friends now and she goes into town shopping etc but as for hanging around the road it was always a big no no for me regardless of other mother pressure. Ive been criticised blindly for not complying with others standards by other parents. You have to go with what your own standards are on this Im afraid. And remember you dont have to feel under pressure from a 5 and 3 yo.

Thanks for your reply jampots.

The other parents are always saying ds will be fine to play out as the people who drive into the cul de sac are aware children are playing out.But I have seen some of them and visitors cars driving quite fast before into the road.
They comment on how ds's confidence has grown since he's been playing out and make me feel I was a bad mother to keep him inside.
I am lucky that our houses faces the green so I could see them from the front window but I still go and stand out their with them and watch them play.Some of the other children's houses are not in view so their parents can not see them and I could'nt relax and let them play out without worrying.

Yes,In answer to your question jampots I am over-protective in my view but have suffered the loss of my parents and oldest brother so am frightened now of losing my children.

AS for my DC they know what buttons to press and I feel I give in way to easily and so say yes to avoid the tantrums.

topsey - i too am overprotective and it isnt always a bad thing. Dont beat yourself up over it and above all remember you are the parent. You dont always have to fit in with your areas ideals. Martial Arts classes are apparently excellent for bringing childrens confidence out too

I don't allow my kids out the front, they are 8,6, and 4. Lots of the neighbour's kids play out but because DS and Dd1 have cerebral palsy, I would be worrying all the time, especially if they fell in the road and couldn't get up fast. The parking round here is bad, and people do drive like arses. They have a back garden which they enjoy playing in and they know the reasons as to why I don't allow them out the front so they don't ask anymore

Thanksa jampots and sparklygothkat.

I know at the end of the day it is down to me as the parent to make my own choices ,it's just so hard convincing others that I am not this mad woman who keeps her children locked in,so to speak.

It just beggers belief to me that a 4 year old could be running around near the road not to mention who may be lurking around and the parents are happy with that.
I feel anxious for them.

Some would say,you can't keep them wrapped up in cotton wool but until you feel they are responsible enough,and mine at 3 and nearly 5 I feel are not,especially as ds has speech problems and may not be understood by someone else if he was in trouble.

I have watched 3 years old out the front with their 6-7 years siblings playing nearby, its scary that some parents don;t seem to care as long as their kids are out of their hair. Last year one of the little girls went missing, she must have been about 7. Her brother went tearing into the house in tears, and all his mum said was 'oh go look for her' because she was too busy in the bedroom IYKWIM!!?? He did find her, I think she had gone to play on the playing field nearby.
Don;t worry about it, I don't, if people can;t look after their children, thats down to them, but you know that you would be worrying the whole time, so don;t let them.
I used to get the 'but they are playing out the front' from my kids but now they don;t even ask.

also about 2 years back, a 4 year old was running behind my car as I was trying to reverse off the drive, he kept darting behind my car. Because I was keeping my eye on him the whole time, I reversed into another car!!

I think they are a bit young. Ignore the pressure (and get used to it as it gets worse.) My pet peeves are sleepovers, hate them, won't let my dd go. Anyway, I let my kids play out front 5 and 4 in our yard and not on the street nor at neighbors but I am either sitting on the front steps with them reading or drinking coffee or sitting at the front window watching them. IF I am going to be doing something like cooking or laundry etc. where i will be away for a while, I send them out back to our fenced in yard.

Thanks sparklygothkat and christie1.

Our front garden is not fenced in and like you christe I sit on the front step with them when I am out there but the older children cycle off down the end of the cul de sac were I can't see and of course my DC want to follow.

Then you have the problem of the other children running in and out when your not looking which I don't mind them playing in the house downstairs but when there is a crowd to many too look after .They all seem to gather in the conservatory which is fine and I can keep the patio doors to the house locked so they are not all running up and down stairs.
Feel like a mean mum ,the childrens playdates should be fine but I find it all too stressful.
Some of the other children have been known to open cupboard doors and drawers and I tell them not to but how do you tell other peoples children no when you don't want to upset them or their parents?

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