Reception class at school.

[Munchkin2082]

Hi all,I'm new on mumsnet and I am just looking for a little advice from fellow parents. My youngest is 4 and she is in her third week of Reception class. She enjoys school but absolutely dreads lunchtime. At first it was just talk about the playground and her fear of the older children being boisterous and she really didn't want to go out. She hates noise and crowded places it really scares her. She started being sick at lunchtime. Now when she is eating she is crying that much that she is coming home really hungry as she has eaten hardly anything in her lunchbox. She talks about her worries concerning lunchtime all the time even over the weekend she is fretting about Monday getting closer. She is such a funny,happy child normally but this worry is pretty constant lately. I have had a meeting with her teacher and she told me that she will settle but it is so upsetting for me and her dad. I am considering speaking to the school about letting her come home for lunch but I'm not sure if this will be the wrong thing for our daughter. Any advice would be truly appreciated. Thankyou :)

I think the school need to be a bit more constructive. They need to help her to engage with a group at lunchtime and be involved with kids her own age. Is there no separate area for the youngest ones? Other options would be maybe getting her into some lunchtime activity clubs so she is in a structured environment. Bottom line is talk to the school again and be very specific about what you want them to help your daughter achieve.

I would also be upset if I was in your position. It would probably be worth finding out if the teacher eats with them (which is the case in my DD's school for the reception class for the first term) and if so could you DD sit next to them? I do think they should be offering practical advice and not just saying that it will get better with time. Though I don't think taking your DD out for lunchtime is likely to be the right answer.

Hi

I am fairly new, but had to post as I am in a very similar position. My son is also four and has just started Reception. Lunch time is also a stressful experience for him. He dislikes the noise and is too shy to ask the lunch time supervisors to open his drink. On a number of occasions, nothing has been eaten or drunk.

I am on the point of discussing things with the class teacher, as I think that this has gone on long enough

The difference for me is that I am a primary teacher myself, though have never taught Reception. I do know that by half term almost all children have settled in without any special treatment. However, should any child be seriously unhappy at lunchtime we would do everything we could to rectify the situation.

Please have another chat with the teacher, she may not fully understand how unhappy your child is (most teachers will not be in the hall with the children).

Suggestions I would make as a teacher might be: a friendship group with older, sensible children; her being introduced to a specific lunchtime supervisor who she can use as a point of contact; teacher or TA settling her in the dinner hall.

As a parent I am currently trialling a treat each day in the lunchbox, talking about how kind dinner ladies are and trips to McDonalds to try to de sensitise to the noise!

The above advice sounds good, I also thought that the teacher could have been a little more helpful in her response. I do think that asking to bring her home for lunch would be detrimental as she won't learn to settle into that environment if you remove her from it. But I am sure the teachers could do a little more to make her feel more comfortable and relaxed at lunchtime. I would also suggest speaking to the school again and explaining quite how worked up she is about it even at the weekends.

Hi. I agree that she will probably settle down anyway in her own time, but that they could definitely offer some more constructive help now as it's affecting her so much.
When my eldest DD was in reception she was a lunch buddy for a little girl who found lunchtime difficult. It was a bit further down the line, so might not be appropriate at this early stage (but then again it might be obvious who your daughter's friends are and who the more confident kids are already - and if the two overlap!), but perhaps an older child. (Y6's eat with reception and help look after them at our school, or as suggested above a particular supervisor could look out for her.) As she's your youngest, do you have older children at the school who could look out for her (I realise even if the answer to the first part is yes, the second may not be!).
Good luck with it, I hope she's happier with things soon.

I would definitely speak to the teacher again. DD1 was v shy when she started Reception. She's a fussy eater and I really hoped school dinners might get her to try some new things but she ended up just crying into her plate. I started giving her packed lunch (I think putting treats in there is fine like pp said, give her something to look forward to. Also it's a small school so I was able to speak to a couple of the dinner ladies after school and ask them to keep an eye out for her at lunch which made me feel much better. That way I knew she'd get the help she needed, and they could let me know how she was getting on which was really nice. Good luck xx

I am so sorry to hear about your dd. It must be tough on the whole family. One thing that I did was a little note in the bag lunch every day with a silly picture, a smiley face or a few words of encouragement. I would also suggest talking about "what to do if" as in what to do if it's too loud, what to do if she gets pushed etc. Settling in takes time but I would definitely talk to her teacher again if dd is upset over the weekend just thinking about school. Good luck and best wishes to your little one.