Burned out?

[daerwen]

Hi there, I'm 22 years old, and a new mom. I gave birth last apr 7 13, c- section. It was the hardest yet happiest moment in my life. I really don't know how to put it but right now I feel down. I checked on facebook, saw my 'batchmates', classmates, peergroup - whatever you call them - my friends and suddenly I felt insecure. In my circle of friends, I am the first one who got a baby. So the mindset is - I am too young to have a baby, and its too early for me to be a mum/wife. I saw their pictures - they look so pretty, so happy, they look good, having fun. Then I looked at myself. I saw a tired, lifeless girl, unpretty to be exact. Right now I feel so tired, I feel so lonely. Yes my son do makes me happy, and all i want to do is to take care of him, but the outside world reminds me how timid i am. I don't even have time for sex, actually right now I don't wanna have it. I just feel so damn tired that I don't want my husband to touch me. I feel chaotic, really. I go to the office, put on the same clothes, because I feel guilty to buy new ones - I should have used that money to my something for my son. I can't remember the last time I had a pedicure and haircut. Right now, I feel afraid, coward, depressed. I feel insecure. I feel paranoid - that maybe my husband is cheating because i don't give his sexual needs. I can't think of anyone whom I can open this problem up, because my friends - they are all young - they don't know what it feels like to be a mum. I feel bad because I'm supposed to be happy right? because I have a baby. But I feel so tired all I want to do is sleep, and hug my pillow. I really can't see my old self in the mirror anymore, that confident lady is gone anymore. I want to have it back. Is this normal? Or am I just going crazy?

you have a 5 month old son, I'd say this exaustion is normal!

You got the office so are you back at work? full time/part time? what does your dh do around the house does he help?

dont feel guilty spending money on yourself, you deserve nice things too, just because you are a mum doesnt mean you stop being human.

I do know waht you mean about the friends and the first to be a mum. I too was the first to have a child among my friendship group and becdause of it lost many of my friends along the way. They didnt understand why I couldn't go out till the early hours anymore and 'just get a baby sitter' they didnt understand that actually I have responsibilities and if I'm out all night I have to be up all day too and I'd much rather get an early night than party!

I went to toddler groups and made new friends who understood how I felt and what it was like to have a child. Many of my old friends are now having children themselves and are slowly understnading what its like, but for many people, its hard to understand until you are in that position.

I was early 20's too.

Thanks there :) i went back to work full time. we hired a caregiver. dh is on night shift. so he sleeps in the morning. he helps me though, but i dont know why i feel so much tired and i feel like obliged to do everything because im the mom. so i do almost everthing.

it feels so nice to have someone who went on the same boat. its just that right now i dont know myself and its an effor to bring myself together. not sure if this is post partum depression.

Yes it could well be postnatal depression, can you have a chat to your health visitor or GP who can help figure out if that's what it is? I had PND after ds1. Having a baby does change your life though. And it can take a while to figure out the right balance - of course the baby's needs need to be taken care of, but you don't need to completely sacrifice 'you' in order to achieve that. I let that happen after ds1 - didn't bother with clothes or looking nice, didn't try to eat healthily to lose the baby weight, in short just didn't bother because suddenly here was this special new little person, and surely he was all that mattered? Taking care of myself seemed selfish, somehow. I learned over time that looking after yourself is an important part of looking after your baby - if you don't bother you can end up losing your self confidence and feel low and depressed, and babies are happiest when they have a happy mum! I made much more effort not to slip into that pattern after having dd2, and have felt much happier and more self confident this time round. It really helps to get out and about and not isolate yourself. I know you said you work full time, but is there any time you can make it to a mums and babies class? It really helps to meet a few other local mums and feel that your tiredness, uncertainties about parenting, and general struggles are shared and appreciated by others. It sounds daft but one thing that helped make me feel better in the mornings was to take the time to properly cleanse and moisturise my face. I did it because it was precisely the sort of thing that as a busy tired mum to a baby you might well skip, therefore it felt to me like I was pampering myself a little, as well as helping me to feel fresher and brighter. Having a baby is hard work, but it is also precious, exciting, and fun! As your lo gets a little bigger he will become more interactive and fun and life will get easier. Take care of yourself in the meantime!

Having a baby is a huge shock to the system and working full time and have a baby is very, very tiring. Why wouldn't it be?

What you are feeling is normal and things will get better. Just be kind to yourself, have a pedicure etc and try hard to stop comparing yourself to your childless friends.