Two children: this sucks

[Cbell]

I'm moaning so walk on by if you can't stand a rant.

It's 12.45am DH has just brought baby up to bed after finding we've run out of milk for the one night feed he does. Meaning I get a night without an unbroken stretch of sleep. Baby wakes every 1.30 hours to be fed and takes 40 minutes to feed and settle. So night time sucks

Daytime sucks too. My once beautiful DD who I enjoyed a very close relationship with has turned into a moaning whing (sp?) bag. She's 2.7 and while she has been lovely and welcoming to the baby I feel her life at home with me has become boring/ hard work/ in stimulating. She doesn't start nursery until January.

We have no family close by to help. Imcwondering when things will get better/ easier. I don't have PND just riding the waves of some dark emotions about having two children and buggered everything up.

I can't be the only parent that feels this way?

No, you are not. My DD was delightful until whining, contrary, DD2 turned up! I stupidly agreed that we should have 2 as DH was an only child and did not like it. I think that was a lie as he is utterly selfish and thinks he is the only person in the universe. He was crap at the baby stuff. However, when you are so tired, neither child gets the best of you and they react accordingly. I was always worried about managing two children and truthfully never enjoyed my second pregnancy or DD2 as a baby. God did she whinge and she never ate either. It really got to me and if I could have handed her back I would have done. When she started eating proper meals at about 19 months everything improved. She was so much more easy going and by the time she was 4 I definitely would not have given her back! Hang on in there and maybe see if a relative can come and stay. Your mum? Try and get DH to take DD out on her own for treats away from baby. Children, often, are not happy when a new baby takes over the house and, however, much you try to be equal handed, we all know the baby comes first for a bit. I felt exactly the same as you but you will be ok.

You're not the only one. I felt like this and I did ivf! I told my sister how I was feeling and she said she felt the same when she had her second.

I haven't been able to enjoy my babies (they're twins) and I feel resentful towards DP because he only does what he wants to when he wants to and nothing at all at night. My nights up until yesterday have been similar to yours and I have been counting down towards each age bracket working towards my ultimate goal of 1 year... I miss DS 1 and only know now twins are 7 months and light up when he enters the room and they are playing together that it's going to be better. Now they're 7 months I've managed to build in DS time only.

My beautifully natured DS missed terrible twos and had what I always referred to as whiny threes. I used to long for my 2 year old when he went on and he was an only child thorough these years.

You need sleep (everything better after solid sleep) but for the time being it's not going to happen so vent away and be sure it will get better, enjoyable even.

join the club sweets!

you didn't fuck anything up. kids are hard work and babies are hard work.

Here's parenting maths for you : hard work x hard work = fucking hard work

things won't ultimately get better, so don't expect that.
but things will change. constantly.
some aspects will get easier, some harder - and you need to do exactly what you said, riding the waves.
so buckle up.
you need to adjust with the changes.
get better organized. get some paid help. lower your standards.
go into survival mode. whatever helps. you can do it.

my best advice, however, is to hug your kids and your DH even when you feel like punching them.
there's something so reassuring about hugs, they make me feel stronger!
and find the funny side of things.

Remember, night time feeds don't last forever. although they do return at a later stage under the clever disguise of midnight feasts!

You're not alone OP, dd 2, ds 7 weeks...feel exactly the same way. Spent a lot of yesterday crying that ds was a mistake and missing the relationship dd and I had.

How old's the baby, love?

Things will get better.

Whatever the demands of older children it is so much easier when you have had enoug sleep.

Ooh I like this thread. Having kids is amazing, they're a blessing etc etc but fucking hell! Ds (7 weeks) has been up with me since 4am. Trying desperately to get him to sleep in his Moses basket so I can get a little bit of shut eye before dd (2) is up for the day at 6. She's started trying to whack him and other kids at toddler groups and I'm not sure how to handle it.

I'm still trying to do the no telly thing (ha!) but sod it I think it's going to have to be a cbeebies morning then drag myself to the park again.

Empathise completely. DC2 here was a nightmare baby, never slept through (she's 3 now and still wakes!!). DC1 hated the new arrival, I have no family within 250 miles (not that they would be much good anyway!) a DH who worked 16 hour days, it was like ground hog day. I've only spoken to the odd person who hasn't thought similar about the arrival if DC2. It does get easier after 1 year. I agree with whoever said one to one time for DC1 with daddy. I also got a cleaner in when DC2 was small, maybe that will help?

Ah bless you. This is the hardest part, what you're going through now. The constant sleep deprivation and exhaustion takes the enjoyment out of everything, but the sleep will get better, and you'll start to see little glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel. I have ds1 4.9yo and dd2 11mo and dd2 is currently going through a bad sleep phase and also wakes at 5.30am every day. Ds1 usually gets me up once or twice at night, too, and on Monday nights I work from 7.30pm until midnight so get to bed at 1am - so today I am not feeling overly good! But then I see ds1 cuddle dd2 when she cries and tell her that it's okay because he loves her very much, and she looks at him adoringly and then giggles because he has pulled a silly face for her, and my heart melts. Those sweet moments which you start to get more of as they get a little older go a long way to restoring some sanity and making you feel like it's all worth it. I think it'll get easier for you as your dd1 gets a bit bigger - she is at a really trying age right now but ds1 turned into a lovely little boy somewhere between the age of 3 and 4. Just hang on in there.

Hang in there, it WILL get better. I was in much the same situation when my much-wanted DC2 arrived - she was a velcro baby who never slept and wouldn't take any comfort other than me, and my lovely natured DS went from being able to play happily by himself to needing constant interaction from me. I found much of that first year, especially the first 6 months, incredibly dark; they were in my headspace all the time, both of them, taking up all the room in there so it felt like I didn't exist anymore.

DD was born in the summer and my DS started at nursery the following February. It made such a difference - he needed that extra bit of stimulation and 'big boy time', and it meant I could focus a bit more on DD.

Once she started walking, stopped breastfeeding etc. (at around 1) she slept loads better and things improved massively. They're 2 and 5 now, thick as thieves, and life is generally really good. Now is the hardest time, do whatever you have to do to get through the days but don't beat yourself up about finding it hard because it is :)

Nope you're not the only parent to feel this! I felt exactly the same after I had DS2. I missed DS1 so much and wondered what the hell I'd done to our lovely lives. DS2 was a miserable baby who never slept anywhere but on my boob. He screamed constantly and poor DS1 was so good about it all which only made me feel more guilty!!!

DS2 is 21 months now and DS1 has just turned 6. I still feel a bit like I'm spread a bit too thinly now. I want so much to make them both feel loved and secure, spend time with each of them but my God it is hard work. Having 2 little people who need you constantly really is relentlessly hard.

I didn't enjoy any of DS2's babyhood if I'm honest. It is a blur of me feeling exhausted and snappy.

However, things are getting better all the time. They now play a little bit together (sometimes!) and also DS2 understands a lot of what we say and knows he has to wait sometimes. (Doesn't stop him moaning and whinging about it though!) He sleeps so well now as well which I never thought would happen. I remember sobbing on the sofa feeding him just aching with tiredness and wishing to God that I could go back in time and not have him.

I think it's pretty normal to feel this way really. It's exhausting and the sleep deprivation second time around I found so much worse because you don't get any down time during the day. With DS1 if we'd had a bad night, I could stay in my PJs, drink tea, eat biscuits for breakfast, nap on the sofa. No way of that happening with another child needing entertaining. School run and dinners to cook etc. I also found it hard being happy smiley mum for DS1. I felt like I had to constantly keep up appearances for DS1's sake. Forcing myself to play with him, forcing myself to smile and show how happy we all still were and how much 'nothing had changed', when really I wanted to curl up in a ball and just sleep for days. I felt like I needed to go into overdrive to keep DS1 from picking up on the fact that life sucked now because I didn't want him to grow up resenting his brother. I think we pile too much pressure on ourselves.

Anyway, the early days really are shit. No nice way of putting it. It really will get better but for me the first year just had to be survived. We still have rough days where I feel torn in two but on the whole, things are nicer and a whole lot easier.

I agree with mummyxtwo your DD1 is bound to be tricky at this age. My DS1 also morphed into a reasonable lovely boy around the age of 3-4. You'll get through it. Just about getting through.

I promise it does improve. The first year of having two was a real struggle for me at times. The first born takes the arrival of the second really badly....

What helped for me was getting DC2 into a reasonable routine so sleep improved. Spending some one on one time with DC1 so she realised the bottom had not fallen out her world! In the afternoons when DC2 is napping, stick cbeebies on for DC1 and get some time for you.

I promise that it does get better. In a year or so they will start to play together!