Year 6 Residential

[ameliethree]

At the beginning of our DS year 5 we were asked to make a decision on the Yr 6 residential - either to go for a 7 night activity trip in the UK or 7 nights skiing abroad. As DS friends were keen to ski, he decided he wanted to do that and we duly paid the deposit. He had been on short residentials before and been ok.
In July DS went on his yr 5 2 night trip and on his return teacher pulled me aside to explain that he had been very homesick - had wandered the corridor at night trying to locate a teacher whilst his friends slept. As a result he was adamant that he wouldnt be able to cope with 7 nights away from home. I discussed this with the year head, very symapthetic, tried to persuade him otherwise but to no avail and after alot of soul searching decided not to force him to go. DS is a very young 10 both emotionally and academically and whilst I think he would enjoy skiing (he hasnt been before), I do feel that for him as an individual this trip is too soon. He is already feeling the pressue from SATS having just entered yr 6 and the trip is in January. At the end of the Summer term I confirmed to the school that we no longer wanted him to go, clearly setting out our reasons and of course apologised and siad that we appreciated that we would have to forgo the deposit.
Have just received a prickly letter from Deputy Head saying we need to think clearly before agreeing to any future residentials (at the time he was happy and had had no issues on previous shorter trips -does he have any idea of the nights spent hand wringing about this), and highlighting the waste of the schools time and money arranging the trip to date.(There are several hundred other children still going?!) This has really left me feeling low - should we be forcing DS to go even though it goes against our gut feeling? The trip is close to £800 so am reluctant to pay this unless I feel it will be a life changing opportunity for him and he would really enjoy it. Surely this wont preclude him from enjoying residential trips in the future when he is better equipped to cope and enjoy them. Would appreciate your thoughts as very confused.

7 nights is a long time at that age. DS1 has just got a place on the school ski trip and he is yr8 so will be 13 when they go in February. I think 7 nights then is still a fair bit and DS is used to being away from us and has always been but with family.
I think you were right to book as you had no idea your dc would be that homesick but now you have other evidence you are right to cancel. You fully accept you'll lose the deposit which is right. I think the school can F off as they are planning and arranging it for loads of kids, having one drop out really can't make that much of a difference.

Do they have a waiting list? DS was on the waiting list as the trip was full but clearly someone has just dropped out now after paying the first £400 hence he got the place. I assume though as we're paying the whole sum that the person who dropped out will get their deposit back.

Also to add, there will be loads of opportunities in the future for trips. I am really keen on kids doing school trips for many reasons but wouldn't try to persuade one that little.

Thank you for coming back - as far as I'm aware there is no waiting list this year - the ski trip usually has a fairly good take up but for some reason this year it is only just over 15% with the balance opting for the UK trip - poosibly some for financial reasons.

I think you should trust your gut instinct. 7 nights away is a long trip for Year 6, and with it being abroad it's not as if you have the opportunity to drive over and collect your son part way through if he is feeling homesick. I don't think your son is at all unusual in not feeling ready for a 7 night residential at age 10. The Deputy Head's letter is bizarre on several fronts. If you told the school you were cancelling at the end of the summer term, why has he/she only just written to you now? And surely none of the work will have been wasted as there are lots of other children still going. I wonder if the school has had a number of cancellations and that is why the Deputy Head is getting tetchy. Perhaps the school should think more clearly in future before organising costly residentials that are very ambitious for the age group concerned and which don't allow for the possibility of parents collecting their children part way through the trip if they get really homesick!

If you are going to forfeit the deposit, and it won't cost the school anything, then I think they are being very unreasonable, given that they have first-hand experience of him not being able to cope.

Seven nights overseas is quite unusual for a year 6 trip - some children would be fine with it (I'm sure my yr6 DD would love it, but her brother at the same age might not have done), and it's far better to pull out now than for the staff to have to cope with a possibly hysterically upset young boy when you are hundreds of miles away.

blimey an £800 ski trip in yr 6
I think your deputy head is being a prick.
I'm having a wobble about ds going to IOW for 4 nights!

Thanks for the advice - although I wrote to cancel the trip at the end of the summer term just before the next instalment was due (I was conscious that a decision need to be made quickly), I was not contacted until the end of the second week of this term (which is understandable as the start of term is chaotic). The Deputy Head asked another staff member to call me on his behalf - she was understanding and sympathetic - wanted to see if there was anything they could do to change DS mind, but I said we had already gone through everything we could think of, she accepted that and just explained that we would lose our initial deposit. All fine. Then as I say, out of the blue I received this letter from the Deputy Head which concludes that the school has had to pay for the balance of the trip as it was cancelled at this stage. This was not mentioned in the school's phone call to me. - I really find it hard to believe that the school had to pay the full amount so far in advance when they hadnt even asked for the 2nd trip instalment, but I do feel terribly guilty if this is the case. However, it still doesnt change the fact that my DS does not feel comfortable enough to go with this school on a long residential.Clearly this is the reason for his irritation, also saying that our reasons for him not going could apply to future trips. I guess what I'm saying is the main reason for posting this was to guage other parents opinions on Yr 6 residentials and whether a child should be pushed to go or not, rather than the tone of the Deputy Head's letter. My eldest son went on a weeks Yr 6 residential and really enjoyed it so I really felt that I was looking at my son as an individual and not just being overprotective.