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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you let this put you off having DC2?

11 replies

Iheartdaddypig · 21/09/2013 20:32

I have a 19 month old DD and DH has been talking about "a playmate" for her. However, my DD goes nuts if she sees me with another baby or small child. I cannot hold my friends' newborns if she is in the vicinity. She has even got jealous of my in law's dog when I went to pick her up from their house and paid him some attention - she cried and tried to pull me away! I do work part time and she is not with me 24/7 but I am very worried about the effect another one will have on her. Has anyone else experienced this?

TIA

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valiumredhead · 21/09/2013 20:40

Most children are the same, it's very common. If you want another baby you just need to get on with it and handle any jealousy issues as they arrive.

emsyj · 21/09/2013 20:43

No, I wouldn't. I think this is normal behaviour for a 19 month old (or any young child really). It will be a slow change if you have another baby, as you will be able to talk to her about the baby growing inside you and your bump will grow etc, DD1 is quite jealous generally but even though she has some jealousy over DD2 she still loves her very much. I wouldn't let this influence you one way or the other really. Besides, your DD will change so much as time passes, she may surprise you with her reaction by the time baby no.2 comes along.

spanky2 · 21/09/2013 20:44

I agree. If you want a baby it is up to you not your dd .

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BarberryRicePud · 21/09/2013 20:45

From what I've seen, a 3 yr age gap seems a lot easier from a jealousy perspective, because of the easier communication mainly and emerging independence. Plus they can be mummy's little helper. Just personal experience and seeing that of friends.

Personally, if she's struggling a bit now with needing you, I'd wait a bit. Having 2 DC is one thing, being pregnant with a tricky toddler is really really really hard.

RubyrooUK · 21/09/2013 20:50

No...you can't plan your future family around a phase. My three year old DS wept today when I took the hand of another child because I am "just his mummy".

On the other hand, he adores his six month old brother who is part of the club of our family and has never shown jealousy of him (just slight annoyance when the baby bashes up his precious things!).

Original poster

Iheartdaddypig · 21/09/2013 21:07

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply and for your advice. You are of course all talking sense and I can't really let this influence any decision! As has been pointed out, I have been thinking of a bigger age gap so I can communicate better with DD.

Thanks all.

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JewelFairies · 21/09/2013 21:20

I've got a 2 1/2 year gap between mine which has been perfect. Dd1 was old enough to be rational about having to wait for my attention for a few minutes while still young enough to not remember being an only child. They are best friends, now aged 6 and 3 1/2.
The decision really is yours. but just to reassure you, intense jealousy at 19 months is quite normal.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/09/2013 00:14

No! We started TTC when DD was just over 1 and she was insanely jealous when I held another baby. I did think 'oh crap' but it didn't affect our TTC because DH and I are both older.

I got pregnant when DD was 15mo and now DD is 20mo and already much less jealous.

I wouldn't let it affect your decision because:
a - a baby has to fit in around your lives and the best time for you, e.g for us we didn't want to wait any longer because I was 37
b - babies change so quickly. By the time you get pregnant, there is still another 9 months until you have the baby. You can't imagine how much they will change in that time.

If DH and I were younger, I have to say, I would probably have tried for a 3 year age gap so that the older child was a bit more independent. However, I think a 2 year gap is pretty typical and we are just delighted to be expecting again.

mummyxtwo · 22/09/2013 19:30

When ds1 was small he used to glare if I held another baby and a couple of times told me to "Give her back!" to my SIL when I held my niece. Dd2 came along when he was 3.9yo and he couldn't have been more excited during my pregnancy and then delighted when she arrived. Watching him gently kiss his new sister in hospital when he met her for the first time and the look of adoration on his face is the best moment of my life, along with meeting both my babies for the first time. He is wonderful with her, sweet and loving and plays with her beautifully. If you're really concerned about jealous behaviour you could wait a little bit longer before trying for dc2. Although your dd may be a whole lot better already in 9 months time - that's not far off a year away, after all, and things change so much in that time.

Original poster

Iheartdaddypig · 25/09/2013 14:46

Thanks everyone, feel much better about the whole thing now, think we will wait a few more months but the jealousy issue is not playing on my mind now.

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WillSingForCake · 25/09/2013 14:50

My friend's toddler was extremely jealous every time she held another baby, and she was worrying because she was pregnant with DC2. But she had the baby a month ago, and she was telling me today that her eldest seems to understand that this baby is different, and is coping really well.

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