Getting a 1yr old to sleep through

[Boobybeau]

Hello all, I'm relatively new to navigating my way around mn and have just started here really but I've just been having a discussion with DH and thought I would get your thoughts on it.
Dd is 1yr and has never slept through and bed shares. I'm totally fine with this (if not a little tired) but DH is saying he wants some 'life' back and thinks that getting her to sleep though will be the answer. She wakes up about 3 times a night for a feed so DH has suggested I sleep in the spare room and he will rock her to sleep each time to get her out of the 'habit'. I'm not convinced this will work and I think we will all just be wide awake at 3am with a screaming baby.
What do you think?

We have been dealing with this exact issue, ds 13m had to stop cosleeping as he was so fidgety and woke so often it became clear I had essentially trained him to want to nurse most of the night! Fine when younger but no longer working.

So anyway we moved him to his own room and had a few intense nights where dp would go in when he cried and offer water. This worked well as when he realised I wasn't coming he would give in and go to sleep. For a few nights I would take pity and give him a feed around 3 or 4 when he was more upset as felt it was a long night with no milk when he'd been used to it for so long.

Anyway, after that we started not always going in or leaving it longer each time and he began going back to sleep on his own more. If he was really upset he'd just get water and so it went. We got from this to not going in at all pretty fast as it started to seem confusing to him to keep going in sometimes. Now he wakes a few times each night that we hear but only cries for a minute if that then goes back to sleep again.

Oh and the other thing we had to do before starting all this was stop bf to sleep at the initial bedtime. I would make sure he had a big feed across the hour before bed and then the actual bedtime had bath and stories then put down awake, no feed, so he had to learn to self settle that first time. That was hard but only for a few nights then he got it, but we had to steel ourselves for tears to start with. Helps that at bedtime you know they are tired...

Hope some of that helps!

You will all be wide awake at 3am for the first few nights probably but after that it should get better. I decided on no 1 or 3am feed for dd at 9 months, she could have one at midnight and then 5 at the earliest. After 3 nights of hell with solid screams from 2 until 5 she decided to sleep through 7 until 5 or 6ish. Well mostly, occasionally there is a midnight feed. After 5 minutes I do go in to offer water and head stroking.

I am now a functioning human being again, and dd is one of the most cheerful babies on the planet

Thank you for your replies. I do fear though that dd will not give in though as she is VERY err, 'spirited.' She has always needed feeding to sleep, we've tried everything else but she just gets hysterical. She's only just been able to fall asleep in the car, she would scream the whole journey up until about a month ago! Tbh, I don't think in ready for this (and a bit too lazy as its much easier to bring her into bed) but I really would like some quality time with DH again

Oh dear good luck!

I'm sure you have tried everything but ds was always very tearful in the car and the only thing that helps is nursery rhyme CDs. But they help instantly, it's incredible.

Although you may be happy with the situation it really doesn't sound like your DH is and therefore you need to take that into account. Poor sleep can be really detrimental to a relationship whereas I couple of weeks of working on it may make all three of you happier

She's much better in the car now thank god! But on the occasions she does get fraught singing does help. Thanks for the luck, I think I need it with this one! X

I would really work on getting her to sleep alone. That's quite old to still be waking and feeding in the night and it must be difficult for both of you. Lots of head stroking and singing, and patience.

If you are breastfeeding, maybe it's time to stop. Feeding to sleep sounds like comfort, so you need to experiment with other ways of getting her to sleep. She shouldn't be hungry/thirsty at night - have you tired getting her to eat and drink more in the daytime?

3 times a night does sound like comfort feeding - which is fine if you're all happy with it, but luckily isn't necessary if you're not!

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? It has a lot of gentle suggestions for cosleepers and feed-to-sleepers - her main point is that you'll need to fix it with either time or tears, so her way is a bit slower but less traumatic for a spirited baby (and family!)

I take my hat off to you for lasting this long tbh. Our DD is 11 months and has slept from 7.30ish to 7.30ish in the morning for a while now and we are still both knackered. Before she slept right through her last feed was about 11ish but she went right through til 8 in the morning - it got to the stage we were having to waken her so we decided to stop her late feed and just let her sleep.

we do find that if she does wake now it is because of her teeth or she is cold - she wriggles about the bed like you wouldn't believe though and always ends up with no covers on her after 10 mins.

my brother done the bed sharing thing and 5 yrs later still has his dd still coming into their bed on occasion - we vowed never to go down that road though as neither of us could handle being like that yrs later.

I think perseverance is the answer for you - no doubt it wont be easy as the habit has formed - best of luck though.

I second reading the No Cry Sleep Solution if you want to take longer about it but with no tears.

FWIW my DD was also waking up two or three times a night for a feed at that age. It was before I had discovered the above book and I didn't want to do any sort of CC. At around 14m she started waking up just once a night for a feed (heaven!) and at 15m she weaned herself. She still woke up occasionally after that but slept through pretty reliably by 18m.

I wouldn't blame or judge you at all for doing something proactive about her sleep as the other posters have suggested - but just so you know, there are alternatives if you don't want the tears.

I'd third the no cry sleep solution. Lots of help for frequent breastfeeders and sleepers. Takes longer but v gentle. It's an easy read written by a mum of 4 whose youngest was a cosleeper waking every hour to feed. Really struck a cord with me and we are making slow but steady progress, which is fine with me. Also has gentle ways to transition from sleeping to cot if that's what you want to do.

Good luck.

Sorry, that should have read breastfeeders and cosleepers!

Thanks everyone, I will definatly have to take a look at the no cry book. I've heard about it before so maybe it's time to talk a look at it. Tbh im not a fan of CIO so this sounds more my sort of thing. The whole bed sharing makes a rod for your back doesn't wash with me though, I bed shared with dc1 and he sleeps in his own bed just fine now, I really think its just in the child or not to keeper getting into your bed. I have a great relationship with DH, he's very patient and supportive so theres no hurry. Dc2 obviously needs me now and is still only a baby where as DH is an adult (of sorts) and should be able to understand that he can't have me all to himself for a while. And I know that before I know it, my children will be stroppy teenagers and I'll just be embarrassing to them so im making the most of every cuddle I get x

That's how I look at it too Booby with my DC2! Good luck