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Meeting other mums - tips please!

14 replies

gertrudestein · 20/09/2013 13:38

Ds is 10 wks and a happy baby. We have just moved house to a new town and I've been unpacking, registering with doctors, HV etc. I've also tried to join some mother and baby classes but have failed miserably. I went to a stay and play but all the other kids were older and the mums all knew each other. Meant to go to another one today but got lost and then was too scared to go in because I was so late and just got stupidly nervous. I can't help feeling like the new girl at school - I just don't know how to join in. I feel so guilty for ds because he needs some friends as he grows up ( is likely to be an only child).

Can anyone help me get a grip and tell me how to make friends and meet people?

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lola88 · 20/09/2013 13:50

You just need to go in and talk to people it's simple 90% of the people there will be nice and friendly and the ones that are not will not be your friends.

I didn't know a soul when DS was born I went to a group and now have loads of friends, It took a couple of months of seeing people every weeks to really forge friendships but it did happen.

gertrudestein · 20/09/2013 14:15

Thanks - I know I just have to (wo)man up but it's so daunting. Nice to hear a positive story! I just worry that at 10 wks I've left it too late (not that I had a choice). Will all the other mums have already made friends and not want the hassle of another one?

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BB01 · 20/09/2013 14:16

I feel for you as I sometimes feel like this. We've found the most success with classes or courses rather than just generic groups, where everyone is 'new' and chances are most people won't know anyone there. The best thing I did was an a NCT antenatal course. They do postnatal ones in some areas. May be worth a look. If it's any any consolation, I've read that babies and children don't need to socialise with other babies and children in the first three years. Think these classes are mainly for the mums! It is really important that you don't get isolated and even if you don't make lifelong friends from a course, it'll still get you out the house and chatting to other mums. I think sometimes it's a numbers game. Keep going and eventually you'll meet some likeminded people. Best of luck!

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BB01 · 20/09/2013 14:20

You definitely have not left it too late. It's never too late! Some mums I know don't start courses for first few months. And you'll probably find you make different friends every year of your baby's life. One more thing: I am CRAP at inviting people out so I often take the wimp's way out and hint that I'd like to join someone at something they're going to, or say I'm looking to make new friends. Wink

BotBotticelli · 20/09/2013 14:36

Deffo not left it too late - and don't worry about your LO....apparently they don't really start to 'play' with other babies until they're toddlers anyway!

I think for the first year, mum and baby groups are more a way of getting you out the house as others have said. Agree that doing a specific 'course' might help, as everyone will be 'new' in week 1.

Does your local authority have a Childrens Centre near you? I live in SE London and our local Centre is really good, and runs regular 5 week courses of baby massage, which cost about £3 per class. That would be a good way to meet other mums with little babies.

Or if you don;t have a childrens centre nearby, maybe just google 'baby massage ' and I am sure there will be a private class nearby, which may be more expensive, but probably has better biccies??

Also, I found that lots of churches locally run mother/baby groups in their church halls on different mornings in the week. In my experience these have been good places to meet a real mixture of different women, some with older children/toddlers who are all dead keen to have a cuddle with a scrummy little newborn, which means you get to have a hot cuppa whilst someone else cuddles your baby! Some of them are a bit 'churchy' (obvs!) with a bible story and a song at the end of the session for the older children, which is not really my thing, but I figure whilst DS is too young to understand I can cope with that!

Good luck, and be brave!! Maybe see if there's someone else sat on their own and go and say hello? or a smaller group of two or three mums having a chat? I always find this sort of thing mega-cringe but I find if you go over, plaster on a smile and say something like:" Hello, would you mind if I sat here to have my cuppa? It's my first time at the group, I don't know anyone" people are usually very accommodating, then start asking you about your baby, her name, how much did she weigh at birth, where did you have her etc etc etc and before you know it you've been chatting for half an hour :)

SomethingAboutNothing · 20/09/2013 14:42

I was you this time last year! It took me 6 months to finally work up the courage to go to the local NCT coffee morning. Now I wish I had done it sooner, everyone is friendly, and we have a really lovely group of friends. Some know each other more than others but nobody is left out.

The NCT is a great way of socialising, go for it Smile

trilbydoll · 20/09/2013 15:00

I have only just started going to stuff and DD is 4 months!

We do a music / singsong course run by the children's centre (ours are run by action for children, their website has all their centres and timetables) and RhymeTime at the library. Both fine to go to and not talk to anyone but equally everyone is friendly.

gertrudestein · 20/09/2013 17:20

Thank you everyone! I will definitely try courses - baby massage seems like a really good idea. And I will try to swallow my back to school anxiety! Good to know ds isn't suffering yet - I had all these visions of other babies cooing and gurgling with each other while mine only has me and a stripy giraffe to look at. I think it is definitely important for me though - too easy to spend all day waiting for Dh to come home otherwise.. I will take Bot's advice and just introduce myself. Easier said than done but I know I'm just being silly to be so scared. Also, ds always seems like a dream when it's me and him but acts up whenever we are out and about! Probably a sign I need to get out more ... It's a relief to know I haven't left it too late. I hope there are some friendly people out there ....

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QTPie · 20/09/2013 19:04

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Florin · 20/09/2013 19:10

I found it best to sign up for a class where you pay for a term as the same people turn up each week as they have paid for it. Something like Gymboree or baby sensory. I find the ones where you just turn up to be a lot less friendly and people are there and then not etc. NCT do a weaning course you could sign up for that if there is one nearby. Have a look on Mumsnet local I have met some lovely Mums there.

rattlemehearties · 20/09/2013 19:22

Great advice here. You've not left it too late - I didn't get out and about until about 12 wks ie after the fug had lifted! Have you looked online for Facebook groups (or even Twitter)? I found a great local area group there and now there's a large group of people with similar aged babies who meet up almost weekly. Not cliquey at all, most people didn't know each other beforehand! Try and do just one thing a day at first, get out every day but don't overwhelm yourself or it'll be stressful!

LoonyLouLou78 · 20/09/2013 21:07

I was just like you - too scared to talk to anyone. I just kept turning up to the same groups (Rattle, Rhyme and Roll at the library, Children's centre under 1s group, baby sign language...), smiling inanely at folk who looked my way and eventually got chatting to a few mums. Ds is now 1 and we just had a lovely little birthday party with 2 of his 'friends' and their mums. We go to the groups together but also for coffee and shopping too. I'm sure you're not the only one feeling like that - bite the bullet and say "hello" you'll be fine. Adult conversation during the day is a must! Good luck

CityDweller · 20/09/2013 21:49

I start conversations with strangers at baby groups with 'aww - how old is your baby?' Then you instantly have something to talk about. I've got braver recently and instigated post-group coffee, but it took a few months of seeing the same faces around regularly to muster up the courage.

A month or so ago I felt like a right billy no-mates as I hadn't done NCT and at 3 months the novelty was wearing off new parenthood. But I now have a nice circle of mums to socialise with. I'm not sure how many will turn into great friends, but for now I'm just happy to have people to hang out with on mat leave.

Jenijena · 20/09/2013 21:53

My local NCT group has a very active Facebook group for anyone who wants to join - lots of people 'hi, don't know anyone, fancy meeting up in this bit of the city' posts... Have a look for something like that.

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