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Parenting

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Original poster

How can I help DS1 (nearly 5) to calm down?

32 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 19:36

DS1 has a hard time concentrating. He's sometimes a bit hyper. I don't think he needs medicating or anything, but I'd like to help him calm down and focus a bit more. Does anyone have any suggestions?

(I was thinking about a bit of relaxation/meditation stuff, maybe?)

OP posts:

englandflag · 23/06/2006 19:40

First off, I would try regular exercise and lots of it (whoever said on here that boys should be treated in the same way as dogs was dead right IME).

Then, I'd try and introduce some quieter activities at home that require patience and concentration e.g. Hama beads, listening to a story tape etc.

How old is DS1?

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 19:54

He does get loads of exercise, we bike everywhere ... hmmm, though, he's often on the back of the bike and maybe not pedalling that much? That being said, we generally stay in the playground after school and he gets another hour or so of running around.

He's 4 years, 9 months. Nearly 5.

He does do writing/drawing at home, some. Maybe I should get the puzzles out more.

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englandflag · 23/06/2006 20:03

Is he in Reception or nursery?

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Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 20:25

Nursery. He'll start Reception next year.

I know, he doesn't need to calm down that much, but I'd like him to have other ways to soothe himself, other than the thumb ...

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Spatz · 23/06/2006 20:33

HI NQC
Did you try out reception today at StPs?
How did he get on?
My dd is currently in reception and she tried out yr 1 for the day.

englandflag · 23/06/2006 20:38

DS is has got a lot better at this in Year 2 (sorry!) to the extent that he takes himself off upstairs to his room to read or build stuff when he gets a bit OTT. But I still have to suggest it on occasion.

I think given the age he is (and if I;ve worked it out correctly, he'll be one of the oldest in Rception), he's probably outgrown nursery and is ready for the challenges ahead. I think the key thing at this stage is to find some "quiet" things that he enjoys doing for any length of time, rather than expecting him to concentrate for long IYKWIM.

FrannyandZooey · 23/06/2006 20:39

Is this one of those hormone surge times that Steve Biddulph writes about?

I am wondering whether it might be one of those things where we see normal male behaviour as undesirable and do them a bit of a disservice. Do you think you could turn it around and start to admire his drive and energy? It's easier to accept things than to change them, if it's mostly you that it's bothering. Maybe you could do with the meditation yourself?

However if you think he really needs to chill out, how about yoga? I bet there's a group for kids somewhere that you could get to. Maybe massage might be good as well - you do him and he does you. Ds gets really into that, although he can't stay still for long, and gets very tickly if you don't use extremely firm and even strokes.

bambi06 · 23/06/2006 20:40

trampolining works very well for concentration

englandflag · 23/06/2006 20:42

There you go, exercise and concentration all in one go

Spatz · 23/06/2006 20:45

I agree with FandZ that sitting and concentrating might not be a boy thing at this age and we should be encouraging teachers to teach to their strengths.

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 21:31

I do admire his energy. And I'm afraid I'm ... uneasy? with Steve Biddulph, for very little reason. I guess I don't really want to buy the "testosterone did it" line as an excuse. Maybe because it reminds me of "boys will be boys", which makes me wonder what "men will be men" means? Date rape?

Ahem.

Yes, DS1 was in Reception today, and yes, it was a comment from the teacher that made realise this was an issue. He was doing a lot of jumping up and interrupting, apparently. And yeah, he's one of the oldest in the year.

(Spatz, are you going to the summer Fete? Will we have a system to find other StP-MN people? Small pins with bats on them? Or speaking in a codlike patois? I can't work out which would be least-bad, in terms of not interfering with my chances to get on with other parents ...)

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Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 21:32

Oh, there is a yoga group for kids locally, but it's during the weekday mornings. I should ask the woman who runs it if she's doing any others. (Oh, there's an evening class, but I think it's for older kids ...) Yoga is a good idea, though.

As is massage, actually. DS1 is very cuddly, and actually quite likes being held like a baby. I probably need to try to find a way to spend a bit more time with him, calmly. It's been a shitty week, in a few ways, which probably didn't help ... he was actively bad at school on Monday ...

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cat64 · 23/06/2006 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 23/06/2006 21:42

Ah, I am sorry if the thing about appreciating his energy came across as patronising. It now sounds to me like it is the teacher who needs to admire his energy more

Seriously though, him jumping up and calling out are just inconvenient because they want him to sit still and be quiet so they can teach the children as a big group, which doesn't mean it's a desirable or achievable thing at this age. I would say that was a failing of the school system rather than of your ds.

I have mixed feelings about Steve Biddulph but I know HC rates him very highly and so I am more sympathetic to him than I used to be.

(I know HC checks in around this time of night just to check I have mentioned her at least once, so that's my job done for today )

Spatz · 23/06/2006 21:49

Hi NQC hope to make it to the fete, but many commitments that day. Maybe we need to invest in mn t-shirts - I'm sure noone else will have them or understand them!
Don't worry about his concentration, I can point you in the direction of the current mums of boys, who don't concentrate. Miss D needs to be told before my DS gets there!!

Spatz · 23/06/2006 21:55

How about a badge? I do hope to meet you - I've never a mnetter in RL and I have questions about Cod!

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 22:11

Um, isn't there another MN mum already at StPs? goldenoldie, isn't it?

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Spatz · 23/06/2006 22:11

Yes - she should be easy to spot - she has 6mth old twins

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 22:12

Oh, and if you're going, I don't mind describing myself by email or on here. I am alarmingly easy to pick out, as have Canadian accent and very very short hair. Husband also absurdly tall.

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Marina · 23/06/2006 22:16

Sorry you've had a rubbish week NQC.
Loads of good advice here, and I can't really add to it as I have the opposite of you - that rare kind of a nose-in-book, hates to break sweat sort of boy.
His age at the moment has to be a factor. Ds' year in general are a lot calmer and more focused than they were 18 months ago.

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 23/06/2006 22:17

He isn't completely always hyper, he does sit and "read" for a while. He's not horrible. He just needs to be able to calm himself down more.

It probably doesn't help my attitude, that he's had a few episodes of flinging himself to the floor and howling, the last few days. Always over his bloody brother smashing up his bloody lego. Again.

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Spatz · 23/06/2006 23:09

Will look out for you - I am very nondescript - small 5'3" with 5yr old blonde dd and 3yr old blonde ds. Hope to go and meet you there.

Don't worry if this was triggered by visit to reception today - I don't know what the teacher really expects parents to do about inattention in class. It's her job to capture their attention!

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 24/06/2006 06:01

Oh, no, I'm not worried, I just think improving his calmness would make life easier for him.

The comment from the teacher was a remark, when I asked how he'd done, anyway, not a complaint from her, iyswim.

(I'm 5'6". Hair nearly black. DS1 is nearly 5 and quite blond, and very very outgoing, DS2 is a lively toddler)

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Blu · 24/06/2006 09:03

NCQ - DS and all his friends are pretty much the same.
I think testosterone is a factor, but testosterone doesn't have to result in bad things, does it? I think explaining enormous physical energy is quite different from excusing bad behaviour...(this is my ownb rambling as a result of the thougts you brought up - i;m interested and hadn't consciously made the connection you describe, before).

DS will have short periods of doing calming things - listening to music works quite well (though is just as likely to result in a huyped up hendrix-esque perfomacne and him hurling himself off the sofa), and cuddling his stuffed animals whilst watching a dvd (I know...dvd), If I read to him he will almost always calm down. Also, encouraging him to stretch out and 'swim' in a warm bath. Sitting at the window spotting sqirrels and cats coming into the garden, watching the birds and 'spotting' differnt types.

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 24/06/2006 09:35

Oh, my DS1 will be "calm" in front of any telly (cctv footage of nothing at all included!). But it's more like ... drugged. And afterwards, he's horrible.

I tried to talk to him this morning, about yoga breathing. I sold it as a sort of Jedi Mind Trick. Only he was really bored and spent the time (3 minutes, if that) saying "ok, are we done now" and then bolted off. Not sure that worked ...

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