DS won't stop crying after nursery - help

[pizzaqueen]

My DS is nearly 3 and has been at a lovely nursery 2 afternoons a week since he was 10months old. He loves nursery, the staff and his friends there. He gets excited about going and chats about it a lot.

However when I pick him up at 5:45 he is so overtired by the time we get home he's absolutely hysterical and nothing will calm him down . I know it's because he's really tired but there's just no calming him. He just says 'I want my daddy' over and over. Which isn't possible as dp works until 11pm.

He's too tearful to eat any dinner and after a long day at work it's just so distressing for both of us. Last night I gave him a chocolate to stop the tears (lasted 5 mins) and put him to bed. I feel like such a failure as his dad is so much better with him than me (he does morning childcare while I work).

Any tips on how to keep him calm and get some dinner in him and a less stressful bedtime? Struggling to cope.

Does he get an afternoon tea or similar at nursery? My DD's nursery do tea (sandwiches, soup etc) at 4:30 or so. 5:45 and then time to get home and get supper ready seems quite late for a child this age to eat a full meal. Could you just do a quick snack or even something like a breadstick to nibble on the way home to give a bit of an energy boost? If they don't do a meal at nursery is there any chance of having a bigger lunch those days and then something really quick when you get in? That way he has less to get upset about and canget to bed sooner too.

Not sure how you travel home from nursery, but what about bringing a small snack with you for him to eat on the way back? Something like a little flapjack, or carrot sticks may just give him the boost he needs till his dinner time. And is it possible to bring dinner time forward a little so that he has less time to wait?

Our DD is 2.5 and has been through phases of this. When she's really tired and I know she isn't going to be able to eat a 'meal', I get her changed into jamas as soon as we get in, and prop her up on the sofa with cushions and a blanket and teddy and some of her favourite telly. It helps to calm her down, she feels snuggly and relaxed and comfy, and then I usually make her something easy for tea that I know she will like and will eat, like cheese on toast or crumpets or similar, and she has it on her knee on the sofa.

She has had the nursery afternoon 'snack' tea already at about 4pm so she doesn't need a full meal on those nights anyway, and she usually has a hot dinner at lunchtime.

Also a breadstick or flapjack in the car works well on some days - I reckong about 70% of the time, DD's 'over-tired' meltdowns can be temporarily fixed by even a tiny nibble of something.

I do think when there are 'complicated' days like this, or when you are travelling or having to do things at uncivilised times, it's best to focus on what you actually 'need' (e.g. those two nights a week he doesn't actually 'need' to eat a fully balanced meal, it just needs to be balanced over the course of a week, you might like him to eat at the table, but two nights a week, it's not a disaster if he doesn't).

Hope this helps
D

Sorry, just realised my post is rather too full of 'these' which is a bit distracting. Will try to 'refrain' in future.

Thanks for your suggestions, nursery do a snack at 4pm which us usually fruit/bread sticks etc, not a full meal. I do give him something in the car home its when we cross the threshold of the front door that he melts down.

I can't get home any earlier as I already leave work at 4:30 which gets me home for 5:45/6pm.

I will try doing a lighter/snacky tea and asking dp to give him a bigger lunch but i know their also rushing around to get to nursery on time. By time we're home he's just to upset to do anything really so i gave up on dinner at the table a long time ago. Some days are better than others. So glad it's only two days a week he's at nursery because I couldn't cope with this full time.

My ds1 was exactly the same when I picked him up from nursery. We'd frequently have a melt-down on the drive home for some daft reason like having to wait in traffic or a van overtaking us which he objected to. It helped to have some sort of mini treat to distract him - we would sometimes take a slight detour past the CAT factory and drive through their carpark to look at the diggers (anyone who spotted us might have thought I was casing out the joint, as we drove through the carpark very slowly and then left without stopping). Or I would take one of his toy cars with me to pick him up, or pop a teddy on his carseat to ride home with. Ds1 was a dreadful eater and barely ate at nursery, so I did take snacks too and I admit we had the occasional MacDonalds on the way home as a particular treat, usually if he had tried some new food at nursery. The promise of a dvd or stories at home, snuggled in pyjamas, might also help. Ds1 was also a fan of 'picnic supper', where we laid a blanket on the carpet and ate on the floor, with a few teddies propped up around us. I agree perhaps it is a little too late for a substantial dinner, particularly if they have given meals at nursery? Maybe some crackers with Nutella, fruit and yoghurt or something would be enough. Hope it improves soon for you!

Could you get his daddy to record some stories he can listen to on the way home and perhaps even while eating? Could Daddy help him pack a little snack box in the morning for you to give him as soon as you pick him up ie something small and simple that can be eaten on the way home.

It must be so stressful no wonder it has knocked your confidence but you did find a way through it nevertheless

Hi OP.

I usually pick up DS (3.3) at 6 and have done since he was 6m old. Currently off on mat leave but when he was younger I used to take a meal, something like shepherds pie, that I could take straight from the freezer and they could easily microwave. They'd give this at 5ish so he was well fed at pickup, and then I may give a banana or sometimes a cookie as a treat on the way home.

Then home, straight upstairs for bath, quiet playtime with me upstairs (e.g. Jigsaws) along with a drink of milk, then stories in bed.

Really worth asking nursery if they'll do tea like this for you, most will. If he's desperately tired they can always brush his teeth and get him into pjs for that matter, then it's just scoop and go for nice mummy son time.

I failed to realise how tired DS was for a while until he fell asleep at the dinner table with his face in the food, literally!

thanks for all the suggestions! it's also reassuring to know I'm not only one dealing with this.

Will try some of the ideas here and let you know how it goes

Tricky to give him a full meal at nursery with other children looking on hungrily / being picked up with all the noise and bustle.
I would pick up the content of the snack with the nursery, and since it is only two days a week, DH should definitely give the main meal of the day before they go.
A banana in the car is your friend. Especially if you can find the time to draw a face on it

Thought I would update that tonight was much better . DS had made a mini pizza at nursery and ate that on the way home so no need for a full dinner, he had a wrap and a yoghurt when we got home in front of fireman sam. Then begrudgingly put his pjs on while I told him a story about knights and dragons. No tears though He's sound asleep now. Hopefully we can try to repeat that next week.

Thank you mnetters for your advice.

Well done pizzaqueen. Sounds like more food at nursery is the way to go!

Does he have an afternoon nap?

I pick up my DS at 5.45 one night a week and two other nights DH picks him up at 5.

He often falls asleep in the car on the way home and we just put him straight in bed. If you drove around a bit more would your DS do this?

hardboiled he doesn't have a nap because he starts nursery at 1pm and that's too early for him to fall asleep he's just not tired at that time . Then he's having far too much fun at nursery to consider a nap. Hence why he's so tired by the end of the day.

He might fall asleep if I drove round for a while but I really don't want to do that.

Does he nap on non nursery days? Could you drive him around a bit on the way to nursery to see if he drops off?

What sort of morning does he have before nursery ?
As I would suggest a quiet one with lots of food offered.

some days he naps some days he doesn't, he's dropping his nap now as it really affects his night sleep.

DP can't drive round on way to nursery to make him sleep as he needs to get some lunch in him and dropped to nursery in enough time for him to get to work. He'd have to drive for about an hour to get him to sleep so early in the day.

On nursery days his morning is usually just in the house with dp or visits his grandma.