How can I be more relaxed with the kids?

[TelephoneTree]

I feel like I'm 'on them' all the time and I need to sort this out. 3 under 7. My daughter is soooo chatty and full on and our youngest needs extra help so I feel like I'm not actually achieving anything with any of them!

That sounds hard. I only have one so probably can't help much - but might you be being a bit hard on yourself? What do you expect to achieve exactly? Are they all clean ish, happy the majority of the time and fed? If so, that's an achievement in my book :)

Pre-prepare as much as possible - clothes set out (theirs and yours), breakfast set up, bags sorted, lunches made, all done the night before.

Have a routine and enforce it, knowing what's happening when makes life easier for everyone - it even makes it easier to deal with the unexpected thing which inevitably happen. Morning routine, snack times, activities, homework time, bed time routines etc...they'll help you build in quality time with your dc (do you have a partner/husband? don' forget to involve them as well).

Don't be afraid to have 'quiet time', a few minutes respite from the chatter can do wonders. Maybe this time would be good for your eldest to do some independent (quiet) reading in?

Depending on ages, talk to them about what they need/how they're feeling - full on intense chatter can be personality but it can also be attention seeking. The former needs guidance, the latter support.

Try to lower your expectations and recognise that with 3 dc's you're achieving plenty just by keeping them fed, clean (ish), and getting them to school. Anything else you manage during the day is a bonus! I've struggled with this too and found it hugely frustrating that I haven't managed to do laundry, cook, and the house looks like a pigsty. Not expecting to achieve tidying etc means you feel good about it when you manage to get it done, rather than just ticking it off your mental checklist of things you should be able to do. Do your dc's help around the house? Perhaps some simple chores for each of them, age appropriate, might help you a little. The morning school run is always stressful when you're constantly chasing round small people who seem hellbent on not getting ready. Lately I've been forever shouting "get dressed now please!" at ds1, who faffs about taking his time over everything upstairs. Today I sent him upstairs 20 minutes earlier than usual to get dressed, having laid out his uniform in his bedroom. I made a point of not repeatedly yelling up the stairs after him and just left him to it. He re-emerged seemingly hours later - and I have just discovered that he had toy cars out on his bedroom floor and must have been playing with them - but because I gave him lots of extra time he still had time to eat his breakfast and we weren't late. If you can, might be worth just giving them loads of time to do their getting ready and not worrying about nagging them to hurry up even though it's really irritating when they faff about and tell yourself for a few days 'so what if they're late to school?' Not caring about it takes the pressure off, and if you're more relaxed you'll likely find ways of encouraging them to get ready without resorting to nagging or shouting, which in the end always seems to slow them down. Reward with big cuppa afterwards! Good luck!

I'd recommend the books How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Playful Parenting. They are both about how we communicate with kids and basically making things more fun and run more smoothly without feeling like you're nagging your kids all the time.

Thank you everyone - this is really helpful.

Something that might help is to reframe "bad"behaviour so that rather than being frustrating you see it as a gap in your dcs knowledge that you need to fill. So rather than thinking "x just won't be quiet when I'm talking" think "x needs to learn to take turns in a conversation, how do I teach that?" and see it as a positive thing that you've identified a social skill that she lacks and now you're going to help her improve.
I also agree about lowering expectations. It's hard for you to deal with 3 children but remember it's also hard for each child to deal with 2 siblings and a stressed mummy. Go easy on them. They're young and they're trying their best (even if it really doesn't seem that way at times!)

CD you are absolutely right and that's a lovely approach. I'll try that and hope I'm not too late and haven't damaged then forever.