need some advice asap

[monna123]

hello all,I'm new here so not sure if I've even posted in the right place.
I'm just desperate for some advice really.
I've been rather ill for a few years and recently everything seems to be getting on top of me to the point that I don't want to know my children :(
I have a 4 and 8 yr old who are always arguing fighting etc and I just feel like I can't cope any more.
I even told my daughter that I hated her earlier as she woukdnt do as she was told.
do you think I need professional help and is this just a phase?? I feel so upset with the way I feel towards my children

Yes you need help if you tell your child you hate them

Poor you. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

Yes, I would say you need help.

It's pretty horrible to feel the way you do but remember, it's not your children's fault that you feel how you do. They will pick up on your feelings and may be playing up because of it.

Go to your GP and get a referral. Tell them how you feel and what you would like to get out of any counselling long term. They should be able to get you onto the list to talk to someone.

There is always someone on MN too who will be willing to talk to you if you are ever feeling sad.

I hope you get to talk to someone and feel better. It's such a shame you can't enjoy your children. :(

Monna you sound very stressed :( Being ill for a long time must really take it's toll. I'm sure you don't really hate your children. Obviously it's not something you should have said but you really sound things are piling up and when it's like that, people snap. We all have our limits. I really feel for you - is there any family that can help, take the children for a little while regularly to give you some breathing space? I do think you should speak to someone, yes, but I think you also need practical help? Being ill for such a long time with two children must be so exhausting.

Poor love :( Take a deep breath. Try not to too hard on yourself - you've recognised you need help. It's time to start getting it so you can cope, and know how to deal with the children when it's getting out of hand, and so you can move forward positively.

thankyou for your kind words but for some reason I feel even worse today. I could easily pack my bags and walk out the door without a second glance.
I tried talking to my husband last night and all I got was "bless you" and my mum told me to stop being stupid,not exactly the support I need.
Ive asked my mum if she could take the kids for a few hours but she's one of these parents that thinks you don't have kids to palm them of.
I really don't want to go to the doctors as I know all they will do as put me in happy pills and send me on my way :(

What about a parenting class at your local sure start centre? Or maybe doing something just for you 1 night each week, like an exercise class? Would that be feasible.

Yes you do need some help, you already now it's not ok to tell your child you hate them. I would also very much recommend reading how to talk which seems a bit cheesy but really works, and maybe siblings without rivalry too.

Talk to your DH again and make him understand. Sow him what you wrote in your OP if you need to. IME men need it spelling out to them if you need help.

Your H needs to be more supportive, both with your parenting issues and with what sounds like depression on top of illness.

I was really struggling with DS1 a few years ago, went on a short parenting course at school (free, relaxed and actually good fun, met some lovely friends there). It taught positive techniques and although mainly common sense, there were some insightful gems too.

Seek out some local help but firstly get your H on board because any changes you do make need to be backed up by him too.

I don't think your GP will just fob you off with happy pills (I'm a GP). It sounds like you'd benefit from some cognitive behavioural therapy, which helps look at what makes you anxious and stressed and how to cope better in those situations. (That is a very simplified way of putting it). Although you may well be depressed as chronic illness is understandably hard to cope with and can often lead to depression. I do feel for you and think you need some practical help and support. Do you have a health visitor? They should be able to visit you and provide some advice and support. You need to address this, as you can't underestimate the negative psychological impact of telling a child that their mother hates them. Believe me, we can all feel like saying something cutting or unpleasant when our dc's are driving us nuts. But children remember these things and are hurt by them, and either build up barriers around themselves to protect themselves from the hurt, or have issues later in life. Words don't bounce off children as easily as we might think. I still remember hurtful things that my Mum said to me when I was small, despite her also being a loving Mum much of the time. Please talk to your GP.

You could phone social services and see if they can help you.

Telling your child you hate them is verbally abusive.

Are they both at school all day or are you still at home with the younger one?

What do you want to happen?

The GP won't just send you on your way if you explain the seriousness of the situation