Does anyone else worry about SIDS as much as me??

[kerry85]

I can't help but worry so much about SIDS.
I have a 22 month old and a 14 week old.
I have always followed all the advice given to help prevent SIDS.
My oldest daughter has been in her own room since she was 6 months old, she has always had a sleeping bag for bed, never any blankets, pillows, teddies etc. Up until she was around 18 months old I would set my alarm for 12am 2am and 4am to pop into her room and check she was breathing, I then reduced it to popping in once during the night and then obviously now I check on her before I go to bed around 10pm and that's it until morning time.
However she is going to be moving into the spare room soon so that when our youngest is around 6 months old she can have the cot/bed that oldest is in now.
My husband says to forget about the sleeping bags and give her a duvet and pillow as she will be going into a single bed, I feel such anxiety about this, do you think I'm being silly to worry so much?? as she will probably be 2 years old when this happens!
I worry so much that I also set my alarm throughout the night again to check my 14 week old is breathing and she is right next to me in her Moses basket.
I forgot to mention that I have always used a monitor to listen in and check room temperature.
I suppose I'm looking for some reassurance from people other than my husband!

I can understand your concerns but you do sound like you worry quite a lot.

The risk is virtually non existent for a 2 year old and as you are following all the correct advice for your youngest I think you need to ease up on yourself a little! It must be horrendously difficult to wake up all of those times during the night, especially as it sounds like you aren't waking the baby for feeds so will also have to wake for them too.

I think you could do with some councilling to be honest. Has something happened to make you so concerned?

Honestly? Yes, I think it sounds like you're worrying a bit too much. A two-year-old will be just fine with a duvet and pillow. I wouldn't be setting an alarm either. It might be worth seeing your gp if your anxieties are troubling you this much.

Gosh! I don't worry about SIDS at all tbh (aside from following NHS advice). I don't use monitors at all probably at the other end of the "worry" spectrum from you but I think setting alarms is very excessive.
A 2 year old is a great big child! , they will be fine with a duvet!

I think you are over worrying, but I know it's hard not to.

I can't believe you set your alarm during the night to check on your little one! You must have been exhausted! Unfortunately, knowing people that have had babies die from Sids, I truly believe that if it will happen it will happen, even if you follow all the guidelines. I don't know if that helps you or not but it made me realise that checking during the night doesn't really make a difference so it's best to just try and sleep.

It's very hard I know but you are doing the best you can. You need to relax a little.

SIDS did worry me when mine were babies, yes. I made sure I followed all recommendations etc and would check on them often.

But I do think you are being a bit excessive. Do you worry excessively about other things as well? A two year old will be fine with a light duvet. Indeed it will be safer than a sleeping bag given that they are likely to trip over if they climb out of bed wearing one. But If you don't want to give her a pillow then don't. My DD is 4 and only started using a pillow recently. She used to throw it out of bed when she was younger!

I'm a worrier too. DD is 11 weeks and sleeps in her crib right beside my bed. With a movement sensor monitor. And I still worry. It's normal to be concerned and aware - it's what mums do

Yes and I've been diagnosed with extreme anxiety and am under consultant led care via the cmhs and on sedatives to make me sleep I narrowly avoided being admitted to the mother and baby unit but that's only because dh agreed to do all night feeds and not leave me alone. I have rituals myself like saying certain peoples names to call them to protect DS and always having someone awake with him. Please don't let it take you over and end up like me its a fucking awful way to live.

I worried to some degree during the periods when the risk is elevated but as I was following all the 'rules' I figured that short of never sleeping and watching them 24/7, there wasn't much more I could do. It sounds like you're struggling with accepting normal levels of risk. Parenthood doesn't get easier on this front, there will always be incidences of potential risk for your children whatever their age so I would recommend looking into managing your anxiety sooner rather than later.

And a 2 year old will be fine with a duvet - I believe recommendations state that from 12 months upwards they are technically safe but that probably depends on the child. By 2, I don't think you should have any worries.

You can get a monitor with a sensor mat which monitors breathing and a alarm goes off if breathing stops. I was a little worried about AIDS hence why I got the monitor. It did put my mind at rest and would stop you setting your alarm in the night.

My ds rolls and sleeps on his front now which I don't like but again the monitor puts my mind at rest. It's called angelcare

I wake naturally in the night for a wee at least once and normally check on 18mo whenever I do. we now have a newborn so are up more often and therefore check more often and I know it is a bit excessive.

we don't have a monitor into our bedroom as it is only close and I am not fussed by those bed movement monitors either so I guess that counter balances my worries!

I'm not generally anxious.

but to answer your post I think you are maybe overdoing it. I cant imagine the alarm. waking up for the newborn is hard enough.

If she's going into a bed you could put a pillow under her sheet instead, and maybe get one of those zip on duvets (on the bumpto3 site I think) if that would help the transition?

I do understand. I have anxiety and fixated on SIDS. Nothing happened to trigger this, but I had to do everything possible to minimise the risk.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your comments.
Will have to try and wean myself off setting my alarm to check on my youngest.
And that's a good idea about the pillow under her sheet, thank you.
My husband and I have been talking and we are going to start with a pillow in her cot then onto a duvet with the pillow when she moves into single bed.
Also nothing has triggered this paranoia and I don't have any other worries about my children just SIDS
I wish I didn't worry like I do.
Thank you again everyone for your comments

These are the zip on duvets I was talking about
www.gro-store.co.uk/grobag-duvets-and-bedding.html

An easier option is to get a full size single on a toddler bed, but put it on sideways so half the duvet is tucked under the mattress. They can get out easily, but no danger of it being pulled up over the head. A 4 tog one should be fine, even when its cool.

Oh thank you RobitHamster I love the bedding that zips to the mattress, it's good to know its not going to move all over the place, especially when I know my daughter does a lot of moving around throughout the night

You're welcome :)

Hello K

Phew... I thought I was the only one that did that!!!

I put the alarm on to check too. I have my 7 month DD next to me in her crib but currently preparing her to go in her own room which is next to ours.

I so know i will be carrying on with the alarms!! I know it's abit much but at the moment a piece of mind for outweighs a good nights sleep.

I have a baby monitor and a video monitor too.

You are not alone!

The gro bedding looks nice or you can get duvet clips or just put a standard single duvet across the bed and tuck the ends underneath.

You really are over-worrying tbh. Setting an alarm to check is not good for you or them and is also completely pointless. God forbid anything happened, there is no way the alarm would wake you at precisely the right moment to do anything about it even if you could. There is no logical benefit at all. If you're up anyway, sure, check on them if it eases you back to sleep, but really the alarm needs to go. That's just bonkers IMHO, you need a decent stretch of sleep to feel well, boost immunity, be less stressed etc. if you're lucky enough to get that with 2 young DC then why on earth would you set an alarm to wake yourself up?!!

Minimise risk and then force yourself to take a deep breath and say, I've done all I can.

One thing I would say though is the transition from cot to bed can be very hard and having done it once the things I wish I'd done are:
Start with using a duvet in the cotbed rather than wait til she goes into the single bed, just use a single horizontally and tucked right underneath s you don't have to buy 2 sets of bedding.
Take just 1 side off the cotbed first. Losing the security of those bars can take quite some adjusting too.

Something I did that worked brilliantly was to use these foam wedges under the sheet to stop them rolling out, first the cotbed and then in the single, where there is much further to fall. Using a duvet, with or without clips is much safer IMO than staying in a sleeping bag in a proper bed as they are free to move if and when they do fall out, so they can come and get you.

Good luck. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh ickleMariposa that's good to know I'm not the only one!

HPsauce I've never seen those foam wedges before, I really think they're a good idea (and not that expensive either) thank you.
And I understand what you're saying that setting the alarm won't necessarily mean I will wake at the right time, if, god forbid the worst was to happen.
(I only set my alarm to check on my youngest, I don't go and check my oldest anymore)

Also I was very pleased with myself today as I put oldest down for a nap this afternoon and let her have a pillow, she's got a cough and a cold so wanted her elevated, going to start as I mean to go on now and she can keep the pillow :)

oh welldone!

I also had terrible anxiety about sids, I was convinced my ds would die in his sleep, I had planned how I would tell my dp that ds was dead :(

A friend's baby died of sids the year before my ds was born and i think that made it feel like a very real possibility to me.

I used a movement sensor and followed all the guidelines obsessively.

I told myself that I would stop worrying when ds was 6 months old as the risk drops so much and I paced away the movement sensor and just didn't let the bad thoughts into my mind.

I hope things get better for you.