DD doesn't want to go ice skating...yes she does...no she doesnt...

[Sugarmag]

My MIL used to skate competitively and until recently was frequently on telly with the skaters at various competitions and championships. So for the last two years DD has been begging her Nana to teach her to ice skate. Not wanting to start her too young Nana promised to teach her when she was 5. Well DD turned 5 a few months ago and as promised, we have taken her for several skating sessions. DD did really well and even acheived her first badge on only her 3rd time on the ice.

But now all of a sudden she's making a big deal of it every time we want to go. Two weeks ago she didn't want to go becuase it was hot and sunny and she just wanted to play outside. I said fine, no problem, maybe we'll go next week. Next week rolled around and was adamant that she didn't want to go. I told her that was fine, it was her decision. She said no and I told her ok. But of course when it got to the day where she was supposed to go she was in floods of tears because I'd cancelled her session!!

I thought that would be the end of it. I figured that a)I gave her a chance to realise she was in control of the situation (ie I wasn't going to force her to go and b)that she really did like it and was upset at having missed out last week.

So we're supposed to go again this afternoon and we're starting the same nonsense all over again. She doesn't want to go. She does. She doesn't. Oh, ok then. No. Yes.

Any advice??????

Could it be that she really doesn't want to go but is frightened of letting Nana down?

I don't know - I THINK both Nana & I have tried not to put too much pressure on her. And she pretty much gets total, unconditional affection from her Nana so I'm not sure the thought would even enter her head.

She's been quite difficult in general lately-very argumentative-so it may just be a symptom of that. But I'd hate for her to miss out on something I think she likes just because she's having a strop.

OK this is what I would do - I would say that she is to commit herself for the next X weeks - till the summer holidays say? - and just make ONE decision. Say that she needs to commit herself and go every week, or not, and stick to ir. no fannying around changing her mind every week.
then you can review periodically and she can change her mind then, say every half term.
then just don't enter into any discussion - justsay she is going on this day and don't brook any fussing. just go about it in a matter of fact way.
if she moans, you can say - well just do it for the next x weeks, then we'll discuss it.

yes that souns likea good plan. I suppose that is the problem - because we've just been going with her Nana it's different from activities where we book and pay for lessons in advance. The plan was to go with Nana for a couple of months and then get her some proper lessons after the summer. But it may pay to look into the lessons sooner rather than later to help formalise the situation. Then she can't back out every week. And like you said, we can review at the end of every block of lessons.

Hi Supermag

My ds1 (now 6) is exactly the same as your dd over activities that he loves, but suddenly doesn't want to go to. We too use this strategy - you're booked for the next 6 weeks. You can then choose whether to continue or not after that, for another 6 week block.

Seems to work well for him. He's just indecisive.

Well, we went skating this afternoon. She did really well and was really pleased with herself when she was done. AND we've arranged 5 lessons for her over the summer and then we will take it from there.